Unexpected Chemical;

My Self Insertion into Bleach

By: billyssong

Story Theme/Central Song: "Give it 2 Me"-Madonna

Story Type: Self Insertion

A/N: Sorry, I'm currently having one of those periods where I crave to experience the world of Bleach for myself. If this story takes on a few lingering Mary Sue qualities, then excuse me. The following is my interpretation of what would 'possibly' happen if I were to be sucked into the Bleach world randomly. Also know that this is being made for fun as well.

Update: (6/20/2010) : It's been over two years since I've written this ongoing fanfiction and I'm terribly sorry to pro lounge the amount of time
that many of you had to wait for this to update. I've recently created a chapter that focuses on a solid plot direction for this story
opposed to creating multiple 'filler' chapters. Any new readers can read the first 11 chapters out of curiosity, but the *true story* begins
in Chapter 12. I've actually outlined everything and I will no longer waste anyone's time.

Thank you for reading :)


Chapter 1: Introducing Madness; "Who Am I?"

It was finally summer.

Glorious freedom, season of endless sunshine, backlashes in Californian weather, and the only time of year where I could actually get away from working like a horse. Or rather, working like a horse in terms of enduring hours of skimming through chapters, handing in late essays, and finding new methods of copying homework the day it was due. Yes, summer was finally here and I was more than happy to welcome it into my usual agenda. This was the season where I finally deemed myself 'soon to be un jail bait.' What was this? Oh, after years of surviving a few handfuls of boyfriends and experiences with older boys-As of July 10th, I'd hit the lucky '17' mark and claim my freedom from the old age restriction. But turning seventeen wasn't the only thing that I was looking forward to.



BLEACH, and more, "BLEACH."/

What's Bleach? Well, unless you've been avoiding popular anime for the past couple of years, you'd know that BLEACH isn't only a laundary detergent. Bleach is basically an anime that focuses on a bunch of human seeming characters possessing spiritual, energetic, and powerful qualities that either help them protect or destroy the dimentions in which they reside. This anime mostly centers around a character named "Ichigo"...yadda, yadda. If you're already familiar with this anime, then spiraling off into a summary is just going to bore you silly.

Anyway, I was excited to dedicate my spare time to spending hours watching it on either YouTube, Google Video, or other branch off sites that hold new dubbed and subbed versions of this anime. Who knew why I was so addicted? Truthfully, I couldn't even put it into words myself. For awhile, a few of my friends had been talking about how 'amazing' it was, and I was fortunate enough to sit down and watch it recently. It was an odd thing being addicted to an anime. If you've gotten to the point where you're fighting with your parents to spend an extra half hour to watch another episode of ANY anime instead of going to bed-You know that you've got it pretty bad. It was here that I mingled with the anime-crazed masses.

Next to loving the anime itself, I, (like many, many teens before me) have even taken my addiction to as far as 'lusting' after a fictional character..or a few of them, rather. I shouldn't go into detail about who I fancy among the various Shinigami. If you're like me and are one of those girls who tends to 'jump ship' and ramble for an eternity about how much you'd want to tap a character-This is the reason why I'll avoid it. However, I'll allow myself to say that I'd definitely head after the following adjectives for them; "Smirking Blonde, Tatoo, Jaw Bite, 69, and God of War."

Bah, I'm rambling again. Remember how I mentioned that I'd do this a few seconds ago? Besides, it's time for me to start browsing Google and Wiki for facts about my favourite characters that I 'mysteriously' haven't discovered yet. I should look up Zodiac signs and Manga appearances today.

Over the next few seconds, I felt my irises blaring in pain through the lens' of my glasses. I'd been sitting on my ass staring at pure white background screens for the past few hours. This meant one of a few things. One-I needed to get a life soon, or else the internet would gobble me up. Or two-I needed to walk around for a bit and stare at a few colorful things in order to get my eyes to focus on something that wasn't pixilated. Out of these options, I of course chose the first option. "How American of Me," right? Lyric attributed to a song by 30 Seconds to Mars.

Unfortunately, my would-be internet browsing was interrupted.

"KAM, YOU PROMISED THAT YOU'D PLAY ON X-BOX LIVE WITH ME," growled my impatient, yet lovable cousin from a room somewhere above. Oh right, I forgot to mention that I lived with a cousin that demanded constant waves of attention on a regular basis. Today was the day that I allegedly..'promised'..that I'd play a few minutes of Call of Duty 4 with him. It was in payment for him letting me watch an episode of Bleach on his computer after my mother kicked me off mine for the day.

I sighed. I knew that if I wanted to forge 'peaceful relations' with the little titan, I had to comply with him. Scowling, I eventually got up after an extra minute of swooning over the mentioned 'Tatoo' male via fangirl shrine.

Anyway, I took the long, reluctant trip up the stairs to my cousin's room. I plopped down on the floor and stared up at the new, "Create Player Name," that he had prepared for me on the tv in front of me. My cousin only smirked at me as he shoved his extra controller into my hands. I grasped the silly, plastic thing and was a few moments away from entering the name, "Strawberry," just for the sheer fun of having a laugh at Ichigo.

But...something odd had suddenly popped onto the screen when I tried hitting 'submit'. A very large, red and white message had attacked the screen with one of those "Error: 109"-whatever esque' messages. I stuck my tongue out at it. I HATED when these things found you when you were seconds away from doing something important.

Yet, surprisingly-my cousin didn't have the same expression on his face. Instead, his eyes widened in a silent shock.

"CRAP?," my cousin cursed as he started to smash a series of buttons with his fingers into his controller. He looked as though he was trying to get rid of something, but to ill effect.

Even though I felt sorry for him, I knew that his mother would only buy him a new X Box within a matter of days, so I didn't panic. I poked him with a questioning finger.

"What's got you in a hissy?" I asked, watching him desperately try over and over to beat the message with his button smash tecnique.

"You didn't get about get about 1,000 emails or see the news WARNING about this yesterday?"

I frowned. I hadn't, apparently.

"Well, you're seriously PATHETIC if you didn-" I stopped him, sending him my own of warning him to be wary of how he spoke to his 'elder' cousin.

"You don't have to be an ass. Just tell me what happened, Eric!"

He sighed, and threw one of his bed's pillows into my face. I winced.

"Sorry, it's just that...there's some new virus thing that's spreading into every communicative outlet right now. The news and the thousand' emails, texts, you name it, were trying to warn everyone to limit their time today to only surf the web, watch tv, drive around, use their phones, and even play their games for a certain amount of time today," he explained with lingering shock on his face.

I arched a brow.

"But isn't that hypocritical? They're trying to warn everyone to AVOID doing that when they 'have to' in order to gain access to it. If you ask me, that's just ridicul-". Surprisingly, Eric cut me off. I'd have to get him for doing that.

He looked even more frightened than before.

"KAM-Tell me that you turned off your computer before you came up here?"

I think I understood what he was getting at-but the logic still didn't make much sense to me.

"You know me, Eric. I always leave it on if I plan to get back on it later."

Suddenly, the kid ended up flying off of his bed and jumping off of the nearby railing to get downstairs. I hurried after him. If Eric saw any of my yaoi shrines open-I didn't even want to 'think' about what he'd tell my mom once she came home.

When re entering my previous internet sanctum, I found Eric to be staring with his jaw hanging open. Confused, I rounded the corner to try to see what he was staring at.

A similar, yet bolder Error message had graced my computer screen. The only difference was that a tide of tiny, digital creatures had started to infest it. The eerie looking things roamed around my screen, feeding on precious Photoshop files, pictures, story documents...anything within eye sight on my desktop.

I panicked like HELL.

I found myself grabbing my keyboard and starting to smash a combination of buttons into the computer similar to what Eric had been doing upstairs. This wasn't happening to me. I was dreaming..no I was just IMAGINING this after watching some crap horror movie.

In the meantime, Eric just stared at me with a saddened expression his face. He slapped his hand to his forehead, before tilting his head down to look back at me.

"You're basically screwed."

"Oh THAT'S REALLY HELPING me right now, Eric," I snapped while trying to input a few amateur hack maneuvers into my keyboard.

"..The news said something about the virus manipulating whatever browsers or sites you had open before it infected it," Eric drifted off, obviously trying to plant a few more explanations into the situation.

It wasn't working. .

However, I struggled to pay a some attention to what he was saying.

"So, 'manipulate' in terms of what exactly?"

He sighed again.

"They said that the virus would manage to hack into your system if you didn't heed the warning they sent out to you."

"But, HOW-"

The boy cut me off again. Damn him!

"The virus gets in from whatever you were looking at on your computer. Once it gets in, it virtually takes on the form of what category that site applied to. So, if you were looking at porn or somethin'-"

I wanted to laugh, but glared at the kid instead. Baka.

"If you WERE, then the virus would read under the name and type as a 'Pleasure File/Bug.' I know it's weird and all, but apparently some group of sick internet addicts planted it to take on the image of the most popular sites out there right now."

Once he finished, another internet message popped up onto my screen. I stared at it, trying to interpret its true intention, but to no avail. Not to mention, that the message was addressed to me from a close friend that I'd made online a few years back.

The message was labeled, "Happy Early Birthday, Kammy!"-with a few squiggles of internet happy faces fit onto either side of the title. I couldn't help but open the thing. Regardless of whatever virus lay within it-if this was the LAST thing I'd see before my system was erased, then so be it, right?

I opened it a few seconds later. The contents consisted of an identical, but larger rainbow title blaring at the top, and a string of Bleach videos, movies, and parodies lined along the bottom.

Her little message to me read as,

"Hey Kammy, I know that I can't be there to celebrate your love of Bleach and your birthday with you, but I thought that I'd give you a few things I'd bought online for you. I know that it's not much, but know that you can't find 'these' videos ANYWHERE else, okay? You're awesome, and I hope that your birthday fits that title to the EXTREME, woman


And of course knowing that I was also a forum goer, she'd left a handful of colorful Urahara and Renji avatars beneath her name with another smiley face.

"What in the HELL is that?" Eric interrupted my joy of the moment with asking something with the answer directly in front of him. .

"It's just an early birthday gift from a good friend. WHAT?" I snapped again, wanting to pummel him into the ground with my keyboard at the moment.

"No, BAKA-yea, I know what BAKA means-I mean, what's that thing crawling along side the message?"

Confused, like much of today, I tried to drag my mouse across the screen a bit to try to see what he was looking at. This was a stupid move.

Without warning, my mindless arrow dragging had pin pointed where the 'virus' had been sitting the entire time.


"B/L/E/A/C/H File: Selected."


These were the last words and images I saw in front of my face before I felt a sudden mini electric current course through my hand from trying to drag the file into the Recycle bin with my mouse.

To be continued