Title: I Must Be Dreaming
Summary – Injured and lost, Junior and Lavi come to terms with their joined individuality.
Rating – PG-13
Pairing – Kanda/Lavi.
Warning(s) – Some language. Weird shit going on. You'll probably get confused, I know I did.
A/N – This was inspired by the quote "Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside awakens."
Also, oh my freaking God! Thank you so much for the reviews, they made me really happy. I'm sorry I took so long to post this chapter but school has been really bad and horrible and we had mid-terms and they killed me. But now I'm alive again and ready to keep writing this weird-ass story xD
DISCLAIMER – I don't own D.Gray-Man or any of its characters.
Dying was a lot like being born.
They say you see your life flash before your eyes right before dying.
So if you only have one eye does that mean you only get to see half of it?
Half of what? Half of forty-ninth aliases and a couple of years as a child and then the space time in-between of a Bookman apprentice?
People should really specify about it.
But he hadn't seen anything as far as he remembered. Or maybe that whole thing was a lie. Maybe you saw nothing but hazy colors and heard nothing but dull noises.
And the end was like nothing he'd felt before.
Like nothing he would've imagined.
Why would a sane person dream about Death after all?
Except he wasn't entirely sane. You just couldn't be entirely sane when your life depended of lies, deceit and manipulation. When you created fake personas to live and then murdered them while they slept.
Or deleted them.
It's all the same.
Where am I?
Where am I?
Thump, thump, thump.
Was that a heart? Was that his heart?
If he was dead then why was it beating?
So slow and faint. So weak. Was he dying? Was that why he could hear it? It was almost like a lullaby.
Five more minutes Gramps. Just five more minutes.
"Open your eyes…"
My five minutes aren't up. Must I really?
He opened his eyes and blinked slowly. Like waking up from a goddamn dream in the middle of night and realizing you weren't even asleep in the first place. Except everything was dark; he couldn't see anything. Too dark in fact and too quiet too. Hadn't he been called here?
"Not Lavi," he said and turned around and the sudden flash of light blinded him so much he had to close his eyes and look away. The light dimmed and he blinked, seeing spots of bright colors dancing like drunken little fairies before his eyes adjusted to it. Eyes? Where was his eye-patch? His left hand went up and he let his fingers brush against his face. Nothing. No headband, no eye-patch, was he naked as well? A quick glance down south and he sighed in relief. Clothes. He had clothes on. At least that was something.
He looked around, expecting to see nothing but his vision caught sight of a mirror in front of him. Beautifully carved, golden post, and heavily ornamented. Fit for a king. Or someone of equally high stature. And a dull light just above it that faded into darkness.
Three steps and he stopped, facing the mirror. His reflection stared back at him. Except it wasn't really his reflection. It was Lavi. Fully-clothed in a clean exorcist uniform, headband and eye-patch. Innocence sold separately apparently because his hands were empty and it was nowhere in sight.
He blinked but the reflection didn't. "Who are you?" he asked, feeling awkward in the reflection's presence.
"I am you," it replied, lips parting and twitching into a Lavi-grin, eyes glinting with childish merriment.
"You are…" Junior started, squinting his eyes and staring at the reflection, "Not me," he concluded, drawing back and scoffing. "You are Lavi."
"And you…are Lavi too," the reflection replied with a smug tone that pissed Junior off.
He couldn't particularly deny that one. He was Lavi but only to a certain point. Even if they'd blended into one personality and shared one body.
Junior liked quiet and order and Lavi was a chaos enthusiast.
"You're an exorcist," Junior stated.
"So are you…" the reflected Lavi countered and pointed towards Junior's hands with one accusing index finger.
The Bookman apprentice looked down and almost gasped when he saw the Innocence on his hands. His hands and not Lavi's. His and not the reflection's. He looked up and saw his log in Lavi's hands.
What sick joke it was. To see yourself in another and see another in yourself. Who was real and who was the alias? Who controlled who? One belonged and one did not and yet both coexisted at the same time, at the same space. Shared everything. Like a symbiotic relationship.
"You killed us," Junior stated with no hint of anger on his voice but burning fury on his bottle-green eyes.
"I'm sorry about that, I miscalculated," Lavi replied, letting out a sheepish laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. He looked so genuinely Lavi that Junior had to pause. To take a moment to calm down, to compose himself and to think.
He'd never spoken to Lavi before. It was weird but no weirder than attacking Akuma and wielding an Innocence and falling in love when you weren't supposed to. He had a thousand things to ask but none seemed to come to mind at the moment.
"I'm you," Lavi repeated, that easy 'everything-is-going-to-be-alright' grin on his face. "You know the answers. You don't have to ask."
"I would appreciate it if you didn't look at my thoughts," Junior scoffed lightly.
"Fine, yours. I won't, pinky promise?" Lavi smiled easily, expression childish as he offered a pinky to cross.
Junior stared down at the mirror where the hand was trapped behind the reflecting surface. "No, that's fine."
"So what happens now?" Lavi asked, body falling back into a more relaxed pose and expression turning a little more serious.
"We died," Junior stated.
"I don't feel dead."
Junior paused and lowered his head, hands fidgeting with the hammer on his hands. "Neither do I," he confessed. He looked up, curiosity stretched across his face, "Why did you confess?"
"I thought I would die. I just wanted to have it out on the open," Lavi replied with a light shrug and a faint blush across his cheeks. He fidgeted with the small book on his hands and sighed, "But I guess it's pointless now."
"He reciprocated," Junior reminded him and felt like smacking himself. He shouldn't encourage it.
Such a stupid thing.
"It's not stupid," Lavi pouted and half-heartily glared at the other.
"I told you to stop that," Junior chided with a light scowl. "And it is. It goes against everything I stand for. Attachments—"
"Are forbidden. I know," Lavi interrupted him. "I don't care."
"I know you do."
"And I don't give a shit about you or your stupid crush."
Junior glared with intense anger and frustration whereas Lavi merely glared with a small pout on his lips.
"If we're dead…" Lavi started, falling back and waving his hand as if to brush the intensity away. "Why is it beating?"
"Beating?" Junior's scowl changed to confusion. He closed his eyes and strained to hear.
Thump, thump, thump.
A heart that was not supposed to exist. A heart that should be dead. If not metaphorically then literally. Hadn't they been killed? By an Akuma no less.
"What a pathetic way to go," Lavi muttered, angry with himself.
Junior nodded in agreement. "You could've dodged."
"I didn't see it," Lavi admitted, even angrier with himself.
"So we're alive then," Junior commented, eyes fixed on the reflection. "Is this a dream?"
"I'm not dreaming," Lavi said but seemed to consider it.
"Well neither am I. You woke me up," Junior frowned lightly.
"I didn't," Lavi replied, perplexed.
"Well someone did," Junior said, anger flaring up again. He stopped before he could raise his hand to bang against the mirror and turned halfway to the side.
Being dead was awkward. Especially if you had to share it with someone else that was you but not you. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe they were both dreaming. Maybe one would wake up and the other would sleep forever.
"Once the record is done…" Junior spoke softly, eyes downwards on the black floor, "You'll be deleted. And only I will be left. Why bother to create attachments? Why bother to befriend them? To love?"
Lavi's expression fell for a moment, "I…"
"You are an abnormality."
"Now you're being mean," Lavi scoffed, crossing his arms and tapping the book against his side. He casually shrugged, "What's the big deal anyway? It's not like it's a bad thing. If you are so confident that we are separate then I fail to see the problem."
Were they really separate?
Was 'Lavi' just a mask?
Could he easily get rid of him like all the others?
Lavi smirked almost deviously, a glint in his eye that hadn't been there just seconds before, "Or is it because of that…?"
Thump, thump, thump.
"You hate me because I brought it back to life. Because you were sure that it was gone and it's still there," Lavi smugly grinned.
"I'll get rid of it," Junior replied but his words didn't seem too confident.
"You do that…and in the meantime, I'll befriend whomever the Hell I want and I'll love whomever the Hell I want to love."
"We'll see about that…" Junior deadpanned, turning back to the mirror with a blank expression on his face.
"Lavi…Wake up Lavi…" the same voice from before. Faint, worried, echoing through the darkness and fading into whispers and then nothing.
"They're calling us," Lavi said, eyes upwards before they looked back at Junior.
"So let's not keep them waiting," Junior pulled the hammer back and swung.
Dying was like dreaming.
The tricky part was waking up.
The mirror shattered into tiny shards that sparkled like the stars on a pitch-black night with no moon. No reflection on them. Not even a glimpse of red or green or black.
And then there was only white.
And that's the second chapter, even more confusing than the first one.
I hope you all liked it and thank you for reading!
Criticism is always welcomed and so are reviews!
Also if you have suggestions those are greatly appreciated since I've no idea what I'm doing.