A/N: Spice! Wrote this for my friend River, 'cause she was complaining about having to stay up late to finish a report for school. I thought it might make her shut up. Love ya, Riv! I might write more and I might not, I'm not sure yet. But it will definitely be ZoroxTashigi. Definitely.

Roronoa Zoro hated a lot of things. He hated when his swords broke, when he ran out of booze, getting migraines, Mihawk, asking for directions, the Navy, Luffy (sometimes,) Sanji (always,) and rain. Zoro really, really, hated rain. Especially right now, considering he was lost in it. The crew had docked in a small, nowhere-ville town to restock on supplies. Luffy disappeared in search of food, Nami went off to buy/steal stuff, Sanji followed Nami, and God knows where everyone else ran off to. Zoro went in search of a quiet place to get a drink. He walked into the first bar he found, and of course, she had to be there. Zoro turned right back around and marched straight back out the door he came in, hoping she hadn't seen him. She had. Tashigi burst out of the bar, screaming her head off, and gave chase. Zoro did the only sensible thing he could at the time. He ran. He ran like hell. He didn't know how long he'd been running when it started to rain. Zoro stopped. He swore. He slipped and fell in a puddle. From his new vantage point with his rear end in the mud, Zoro got to thinking. His first thought was Somebody up there hates me today. His second thought was Damn, I'm lost. His third, Damn, I'm wet. His fourth, Sanji's gonna kill me. His last thought, Shit. Zoro got up and headed back in the direction he came from. At least, he thought that was the direction he came from. Well, crap.

It must have been hours later, because it was starting to get dark. Zoro scowled at the dimming sky, but only succeeded in getting rain in his eyes. He trudged on through the still wet and now dark woods, muttering under his breath. "Stupid captain…stupid rain…stupid cook…and that WOMAN…stupid rain…" A sound got his attention and he froze, stopping mid-complaint. There were footsteps, a splash, and a woman's voice, cursing. The swordsman peered through the trees. Oh hell no. Somebody up there, Zoro decided, really, really, reeeeaaaaally hates me. It was Tashigi. Zoro took a step backwards with the intent to vanish into the trees and pretend he never even saw the girl lost in the woods on a rainy night. The Gods That Hated Him chose that exact moment, however, to assert their power. Zoro felt a sneeze coming on. And not one of those cute little 'Choo!' sneezes either. "AAA-FWOOO!" He fell backwards with the force of the sneeze, landing, for the second time that day, in a mud puddle. Tashigi looked up.

"Who's there? Could you help me, please, I'm stuck." Zoro sighed. Curse his damn chivalry! He struggled up from the puddle and made his way to where the officer was standing. Tashigi jumped, startled at his sudden appearance. Zoro shot her the Look of Death, daring her to say something. Anything. He would gladly kill her if provoked. "Oh, it's you," she said dryly. He turned up the intensity on the Look of Death.

"'Oh, it's you.' The hell's that supposed to mean?" She pursed her lips.

"Look, get me out of this damn hole," she gestured to where her foot was stuck in the mud, "and I'll lead you back to the village." Zoro had been about to give her ankle an experimental tug, but jerked his hand away and glared up at her.

"What makes you think I'm lost?" Tashigi gave him a withering look. "Fine." Zoro grumbled. "But I never promised it wouldn't hurt." He reached for his katanas. Tashigi shrieked bloody murder and slapped him across the face. Zoro blinked, once, twice. "Ow?" He shook his head to clear his thoughts and grabbed her around the waist. "Up and out we go."

"Unhand me, Roronoa you bastard!"

Zoro yanked, ignoring her, and her foot came free (minus her boot,) sending them both sprawling in the mud. The swordsman was the first to stand, shoving Tashigi's face in the mud to regain his balance. "Well, which way?" The officer wiped mud off her glasses as best she could, pointing peevishly to the left-ish.

"Path's that way."

"Good, good. Come along now." Zoro hefted her over his shoulder and set off in the direction she had indicated.

"Bastard! Put me down this instant, you…you… you PIRATE!" Zoro grinned. Maybe the rain wasn't so bad after all.