I realized that whenever I write a fic with Prowl in it, it seems like I don't like him, as I portray him as a complete and total prick (well, he is... but you know...). To the contrary, I really like Prowl, so I decided to write something that maybe portrayed a different side of him for once. And voila, here it is. (And yes, he's out of character on purpose ;) )
This is thee longest one-shot I've ever written. It's about twice as long as my previous longest one-shot, and I'm rather proud of how this one came out. This was mostly written in a sleep-deprived state, as I've been awake since 3:30 yesterday (as of now, that's a total of about an hour longer than 24 hours that I've gone without sleep, and I still don't feel tired...It's probably that tea I drank, there's so much caffeine in it).
This one includes a quote from Invader Zim and another quote from The Rocky Horror Picture Show (see if you can spot 'em ;D ). It's also got some pop culture references here and there, and also I don't know why, but I picture Sunstreaker as someone who'd like Coheed and Cambria (although maybe not to the fanatical extent that he's portrayed xD). Also, the return of Bunny-Bun!! Whoo! -throws confetti-
This story's almost completely composed of jokes that have been biting me for a while. They were originally going to be spread out into other fics, but then I decided, "Why not see how many I can fit into a single relevant story line?" x)
"Are you sure you'll be fine, Prowl?" Jazz asked. "Cuz sometimes they can be a little much for even me, and they like me."
"What, are you saying they don't like me or something?" Prowl glared.
"What? No! I'm just saying…um…" he glanced around the lounge. "Do any of you have a Twix handy?"
"Alright, seriously now, I'll be fine. I've watched the twins before," Prowl smiled reassuringly.
"Yeah, but there were others nearby. You realize that you're going to be on your own, right? Everyone else is on duty and can't help you."
"Hey, how hard can it be?"
"Now that you mention it…" Jazz pulled out a data pad. "There are a few things you're gonna need to know…" He sat down on the couch and pulled Prowl down next to him. "The first and most important thing you need to remember is that if Sideswipe's missing, that means he's up to something and you'd better find him fast. If Sunstreaker's missing, don't worry about it too much, unless of course Sideswipe's missing too, in which case you might want to start worrying."
"Sideswipe often tries to eat more than he can stomach, so don't let him eat too much unless you plan on making "Purging For Volume" an Olympic event."
"If Sunstreaker gets in one of his moods and throws a tantrum, play one of his Coheed and Cambria CD's. That usually calms him down, and if you're lucky, he might even fall into recharge for you."
"Sunstreaker likes Coheed and Cambria?"
"More than is probably healthy."
"Because Coheed and Cambria are fucking awesome. If they decide to watch TV, don't let them watch the Discovery Channel because some of the programs give them ideas."
"In fact, don't let them watch the Food Network either."
"Why? What kind of ideas does that give them?"
"You don't want to know. Oh, and one last thing, when it comes time to feed them, keep your arms and legs out of reach, or something might get bitten off. Any questions?" Prowl gave him a blank stare. "Okay, good. I'll be leaving in about 15 minutes."
"Where are the twins now?" Prowl asked.
"They'll be out in a second. Optimus said they could sleep in the lounge tonight, so they're getting some things," Jazz answered.
As if on cue, the twins walked in with blankets, magazines, stuffed animals, half of their CD collection, and about a hundred pillows. They scattered them all across the area between the couch and the TV. Prowl noticed Sideswipe was carrying a bag.
"Hey Sideswipe, what's in the bag?" he asked.
"Silly putty, cotton balls, a plastic horse, a can of Cheese Whiz, and a roll of duct tape," the red twin replied.
Sideswipe smirked evily. "Wouldn't you like to know…"
Oh Primus… This was gonna be fun…
Sideswipe sat on the floor and stared at Prowl. Sunstreaker, for some reason, built a wall of pillows around himself and was completely concealed from view.
"Ha! My fluffy pillow-armor is impenetrable!" Sunstreaker giggled from inside the wall.
"So… What is it that you two wanna do?" Prowl asked.
Sunstreaker poked his head out slightly, so only his optics were visible between the pillows that concealed him. "Can we set something on fire?" the yellow twin asked.
Sunstreaker huffed and disappeared beneath his pillow barricade again. "I don't know then," came his muffled reply.
"Can we glue Ratchet's tools to the ceiling?" Sideswipe asked.
Sunstreaker's muffled voice was heard again. "Can we throw Sideswipe off the roof?"
"No! Geez, what's wrong with you two?"
"We don't know yet. We're still waiting for the results from Ratchet," Sideswipe answered.
"I'm hungry… Can we eat?" Sunstreaker's muffled voice asked.
"Sure. Just wait here, I'll get you something." Prowl stood up and went to get them something to eat. Along the way, he found Wheeljack on his snack break.
"Ooh! Energon snacks!" Wheeljack said, reaching for one.
Prowl smacked his hand away. "Hands off. Those are for the twins."
"Oh, right! You're spark-sitting, aren't you?" Wheeljack asked. "Any problems yet?"
"None so far, but the night is young and I haven't even fed them yet." He set the plate down on a table. "Twins! Come and get it!"
The two ran in, pushing and shoving each other out of the way, and jumped across the table, fighting for the food and climbing on top of each other. They inhaled all the energon snacks and ran back to the lounge, leaving Prowl and Wheeljack staring in both fear and amazement.
"Where's the plate?" Wheeljack asked.
"I think they ate it…" Prowl replied dumbfoundedly.
"I know! Did you see the way they attacked that thing? They were like piranhas on an injured cow!"
"Well… I'm gonna get back to work. May Primus have mercy on your spark."
"Um… Thanks… I guess…"
"Sunstreaker, what's your problem now?" Prowl asked.
"Sides is using my favorite pillow!" he growled.
"I don't feel so good, Prowl," Sideswipe moaned.
"Gimme back my pillow!" Sunstreaker demanded.
"I'm using it, Sunny," his twin responded, curling up into a fetal position.
"What hurts, Sideswipe?" Prowl asked.
"How much did you eat of those energon snacks?"
"About two-thirds of it."
"Sideswipe, why'd you eat so much?"
"Because he's a food whore!" Sunstreaker accused.
"I am n-"
"Food Whore! Food Whore!"
"I'm not a food whore!"
"Sunny, stop. Sideswipe, why do you eat so much when you know it's gonna make you sick?"
"We already went over this. He's a food whore!"
"At least that's better than being a whore in general like you, Sunny!"
"Both of you, stop it."
"I'd say it takes a whore to know a whore, Sides!"
"Did you just call me a-?"
"Yes I did, Sunny!"
"You take that back!"
"You're a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!"
Sideswipe started gagging. "Uh-oh… Prowl, I think I'm gonna…"
"Not on my pillow, you're not!" Sunstreaker growled, snatching the pillow out from under his brother's head. Seconds later, Sideswipe purged all over the floor.
"Hey! I feel much better now!" Sideswipe said cheerily.
"Good, cuz I ain't cleaning that up," Sunstreaker mumbled.
"Why me, Primus?!" Prowl asked.
"Tell me a story about giant pigs," Sideswipe said, resting his head in Prowl's lap.
"Once upon a time, there was this gynormous red pig named Sideswipe," Sunstreaker began. "This pig was a food whore and he couldn't stop eating, until one day, he exploded, and his beautiful twin brother, Sunstreaker, got to keep all his stuff. The end." Sideswipe kicked him.
"You forgot the part where the evil twin brother got shipped off to a slaughterhouse in the end," Sideswipe added in an irritated tone.
"Will both of you stop…"
"Make me!!" Sunstreaker challenged.
"Sunny's in another one of his moods again," Sideswipe sighed.
"What do you mean, I'm in a mood?! I'm not moody!!"
"The first stage is denial."
Prowl reached over into a pile of the twins CD's and searched through them until he found the one he was looking for. Sunstreaker continued to throw a tantrum and curse out Sideswipe for no reason at all except for the fact that he was currently cranky, while Prowl inched his way out from under the red twin's head and over to the stereo against the wall. A few moments later, Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home" was blaring over the stereo and Sunstreaker went into a hypnotic trance. Prowl crossed the room and sat down next to Sideswipe.
"Well, he's in his Happy Place now," Sideswipe smirked.
"So, why exactly does Coheed and Cambria have this kind of effect on him?" Prowl asked, waving his hand in front of Sunstreaker's face.
"I have no idea. I think he just likes this sci-fi stuff. This one time we were watching The Terminator, and Ratchet thought he'd gone into a coma."
"Well, I'm not complaining. At least his music choice isn't something horrendous."
"Wait, you like this?" Sideswipe asked in surprise.
"Yeah, actually, I do."
"Don't let Jazz know, or he'll never let us listen to it again."
"Don't worry. I have to keep up my image as the boring one."
"So, what should we do while we wait for him to either fall into recharge or snap out of it?"
"Got any 3's?" Sideswipe asked.
"Go fish," Prowl replied.
"I can't believe this is the only card game you know," Sideswipe shook his head.
"Oh, like I have time to learn card games!" he retorted.
"You never have time for fun, Prowl! You're always working! No wonder everyone thinks you're a boring prick."
"Well, we could have still been playing Scrabble instead, if you would have just stopped playing bad words and sexual innuendos."
"You know I can't do that, Prowl."
"Well then what do you suggest we do?"
"Have you ever played Grand Theft Auto?"
"This game is so violent… Why do I love it?!" Prowl asked, running around decapitating pedestrians with a machete.
"You love it because it's violent. That's the beauty of the game, Prowl."
"Oh look, your brother woke up from his nap," Prowl said, nodding towards the yellow Lamborghini waking from his music-induced stasis.
"Don't say anything… Let him find out on his own…" Sideswipe whispered. They both giggled ominously.
"Prowl? Are you actually playing a video game?" Sunstreaker asked. "Holy shit! Grand Theft Auto? I thought you'd be playing Spyro the Dragon or something innocent like that!"
"Ooh, watch this… Off with the head!" Prowl snickered. He glanced over at the twins' CD's. "Hey, is that the new Disturbed album by any chance?"
"You like Disturbed?" Sunstreaker asked in amazement.
"He likes Coheed and Cambria, too," Sideswipe said. Sunstreaker froze for a moment in shock, then put his hands on Prowl's shoulders and pulled him into a hug.
"Sideswipe, your brother's hugging me… I don't know whether to be amazed or really scared…" Prowl said.
"I know I'm going with the latter," Sideswipe replied.
"Let go of me, please…"
"I don't think I can…" Prowl responded by pushing Sunstreaker off of him. "So… So wait… You like violent video games and rock music? What else have you been hiding from us all these years?"
"He reads Steven King novels and collects jellybeans that are oddly shaped," Sideswipe answered for him.
"Woah, you like Steven King…wait, jellybeans that are oddly shaped?"
"Jazz got me into it. He gave me a jellybean that he claimed looked like George Clooney. It looked more like Theodore Roosevelt to me, but whatever."
"And you said my bug collection was weird," Sunstreaker smirked.
"It wouldn't be so weird if you didn't give the bugs a horrible, smashy death before collecting them, Sunstreaker."
"So, is there anything else you haven't told us about yourself yet, Prowl?"
"Um, well…" The twins both scooted up close and sat on the floor, facing him, as if expecting him to tell them a story. "Well, despite what Jazz may have told you, I have a girlfriend somewhere back on Cybertron."
"Wow, you actually managed to be civil and un-boring for long enough to get a girlfriend?" Sunstreaker asked.
"How long has she been your girlfriend?"
"For a while, now… I knew her since I was a youngling."
"Wow… I think the longest I've held down a girlfriend thus far is about two and a half earth weeks…" Sideswipe said.
"Yeah, that seems about right," Sunstreaker smirked.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, brother dearest."
"Anything else, Prowl?"
"Yeah… It was actually me that threw the snowball at Ratchet and not Jazz."
"The one with the rock in it?"
"Yeah, that's the one."
"Woah…You do realize he almost reformatted Jazz into a desktop computer for that, right?"
"All the more reason to be glad I wasn't caught."
"Ooh… What time is it? Jurassic Park's on the SciFi channel!" Sunstreaker said, grabbing the remote and flipping the TV channel.
Wheeljack was taking another snack break and decided to drop by the lounge to make sure the twins weren't tormenting Prowl too badly. To his surprise, they were constructing a pillow fort with him instead.
"Okay, who are you, and where's Prowl?" Wheeljack asked. He glanced over at Sunstreaker. "Um… Streaker?"
He hesitated a moment, trying to think of his response. "Um… Never mind."
"We made energon cookies. Want one?" Sideswipe asked, holding out a plate.
Wheeljack stared at the plate, amazed that the twins, Sideswipe especially, were sharing food. "You didn't poison them or otherwise put something foul in them, did you?" he asked.
"No. Prowl made them with us. Do you think he'd let us do something like that?" Sunstreaker asked.
"Are you okay, Wheeljack? Did you see something scary? Zombies? The twins' bedroom closet? Starscream's ghost?" Prowl asked.
"Starscream's ghost?" Sunstreaker turned to look at him. "Too scary...Let's hope that never happens…"
"Cookie?" Sideswipe asked again.
"If I take one, will I get my hand back?"
"Yeah, of course. Do you want a cookie, or not?"
Wheeljack carefully reached out and quickly snatched a cookie. He stared at his arm a moment, as if amazed that it was still attached to its socket and otherwise free of bite marks. "Uh, thank you…" He gave one last odd glance to Sunstreaker, then looked back at Prowl before going back to his lab, glancing back occasionally as he walked out of the lounge and then breaking into a run to get away faster.
"Gah! Siders! You're making my side of the wall collapse!" Sunstreaker complained when pillows fell over on top of him.
"Oh, get over it. It was an accident," Sideswipe replied, throwing a pillow at him.
"That's it! You've incurred the wrath of Bunny-Bun!" Sunstreaker said before beaning his brother upside the head with his stuffed rabbit.
"Hey! Alright then, Streaker!" He grabbed a stuffed cow. "Fly true, Heifer!" he giggled, throwing it at Sunstreaker.
"Eat Narwhal, freak!" Sunstreaker said before tossing the whale at Sideswipe.
"Take that, Sunny!" Sideswipe retaliated, tossing a gynormous stuffed beaver at his yellow twin.
"Think fast!" Sunstreaker threw a stuffed severed head at Sideswipe, who narrowly ducked it.
"You two have an odd stuffed animal collection," Prowl said, amused.
"Thanks!" the twins smiled.
"Wow…The place isn't torn apart…There's no evidence of any struggle or nuclear warfare…There're no bodies anywhere…" Jazz observed.
"Yeah, but we haven't even made it to the lounge, yet. Who knows what hell awaits us there?" Ratchet pointed out.
"Well, we shall go see, then."
They both entered the lounge, and to their surprise, saw no evidence that anything had gone wrong (minus the discolored stain where Sideswipe threw up that they couldn't completely get off the floor). The twins and Prowl were snoozing inside what appeared to be a pillow fort. A blanket was hung overtop, much like a tent, and there were stuffed animals scattered everywhere. The three mechs stirred at this new company and sat up so they could better face them.
"Oh, hey. Back already?" Prowl asked.
Jazz and Ratchet stared at Sunstreaker. "Uh… Nice Sharpie mustache you got goin' there, Streaker," Jazz snickered.
"Sharpie mustache? What do you…" He caught sight of his reflection in the TV. "Sideswipe!!"
Prowl and Sideswipe both busted out laughing. "Don't yell at me, Sideswipe. It was Prowl's idea," Sideswipe protested.
"Um... Prowl's idea?" Ratchet said, confused.
"When did you do this?!"
"While you were still catatonic from Coheed and Cambria," Prowl laughed.
"So, you guys didn't get into any trouble while we were gone?" Ratchet asked.
"Honestly? You're not lying? Nothing happened?"
"Well, something exploded in Wheeljack's lab at about 1AM, but nothing unusual," Prowl answered.
"And you two had fun?" Jazz asked.
"Yeah. We had fun," Sunstreaker replied.
"You had fun? With Prowl?" Jazz asked again, as if it was all too much to process.
"Prowl's a good spark-sitter," Sideswipe smiled, hugging Prowl.
"Can I speak to you for a minute, Prowl?" Jazz asked.
"Sure," Prowl said before stepping outside of the fort and walking over to Jazz out of earshot of the twins.
"Did you put them on drugs?" Jazz asked.
"Sunstreaker might be on drugs, but if he is, I had nothing to do with it," Prowl whispered to him.
"So, you mean they honestly had fun with you… And you didn't have to bribe them into behaving or anything?"
"Am I in the right base?"
And on another note... Picturing Sunstreaker in his "pillow-armor" makes me laugh far more than it should. xD