Cake Expectations

A/N: I love cake. That is all. This is for Portal, by the way, and totally related to the game. THE CAKE IS A LIE NO LONGER.
(The ingredients list is from the actual game... I merely put it into rhyming form and added baking instructions.)


Gather 'round children,
I have a recipe for thou,
A devine cake recipe that will make you saw "WOW!"

For a delicious cake so very tasty:
Start with one 18 lbs chocolate cake mix
3/4 cup of vegetable oil,
1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

4 large eggs, some margerine or butter,
Whole is best, straight from the cow's udder.
Add 2 cups of sugar to taste,
2 cups of flour, some toxic waste.

Don't forget to add the following garnish, if you wish:
Crackers, Candies, Dirt, Ethel Benzyne, peanut pieces,
All of the above in the shape of a fish.
Next add lemon juice and some human feces.
Alpha Resin, Rhubarb, Fiberglass Egg Yolks, Sugar and Cranial Caps.

Mix all together in a large glass bowl,
bake in the oven at 865.
At such a high heat you'll soon lose control,
ditch the extinguisher, stop drop and roll!

Serves nine.