Author's Note: Love, love, love to everyone who reviewed!
Change In Rating: Okay, so I've changed the rating of this story from PG-13 to M now. There is some smut toward the end, but it's clearly marked, so if you don't want to read the porn you can skip over it. You will not miss anything by not reading it, except some hot man sex. I won't be offended either way, just letting you know.
Lavi had gotten off earlier than expected. It was probably because his boss was tired of him daydreaming or humming to himself. After all, people who worked in the dining halls at the university weren't supposed to be happy. They were supposed to be miserable because of the lame working conditions, long hours, cranky customers, and breaking machines in between it all. But nothing could dampen Lavi's spirits, even getting soaked washing dishes all morning from the breakfast rush. It was annoying his long-time friend, Yuu Kanda, who threatened to bludgeon him to death with a meat tenderizer if he didn't shut up. Eventually, his manager had come over and deduced that he was still feverish and delusional from his made-up flu and sent him home, Lavi all too happy to skip out of there to go home and see Allen.
His apartment was a little bit of a walk away, but in the rain, it made it longer than necessary. Lavi was forced into seeking shelter when it started pouring. He ended up in a Hot Ticket Video, browsing shelves of DVDs. His mind was wandering, wanting to go home, so oblivious to his surroundings that he didn't even realize where he was walking until he bumped into someone.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Wasn't looking where I was going…" Lavi said, glancing at the person in passing.
"Hey, that's all right. How've you been, Lavi? Haven't seen you around in a while."
Lavi cursed his luck. Why was it that of all the days to bump into someone, it had to be someone he knew? Had to be someone he once dated?
"I've been…kind of busy, Tyki," Lavi answered, trying not to look at the other man. Tyki had been one of his…attempts at going back to normal life. It had been in the last year that they went out a few times. Tyki was very sweet, and very much a gentleman. Lavi liked him, but more as a friend. There was just something about kissing anyone who wasn't Allen that just made it feel wrong.
"Yeah, I hear you. Finals were hard this year, huh?" Tyki asked, making small talk.
"A little," Lavi replied, just for conversation's sake, as he had found finals to not be that difficult at all. After all, he only had unlimited time being alone, so he might as well turn his energies towards studying, right? But Tyki wasn't that eager to let him go, talking to him about a multitude of different things to keep him there. Lavi tried to get away without seeming too impolite.
"You still won't give up on him, will you?" Tyki asked, when he realized that Lavi's attention was not completely on him.
"On who?" Lavi asked, unsure of who Tyki was talking about.
"On that guy. The one you're so hung up over," Tyki said, moving closer to Lavi. "You know…it isn't right that you've got to suffer…he's moved on. Maybe it's time you do too." Tyki was too close and Lavi backed away. Maybe that was one of the reasons they had broken up--personal space issues--but the steady gaze on him reminded Lavi of the other. Tyki was…possessive, almost to the point of being a control freak. He always acted like he knew better than Lavi, as if he were just some child who didn't understand the concept of rational, individual thought. Lavi looked away from those golden eyes; they had always made him uncomfortable. And although Tyki was handsome with his tan skin and dark hair and somewhat exotic accent, none of that came close to who was waiting at home for him.
"Thanks for the advice, Tyki, but I can't move on," Lavi said, smiling as pleasantly as he could, "because he's finally come back. He didn't move on and neither did I, so that has to mean something." The other man looked completely shocked at this bit of news, and Lavi took that momrny to escape being cornered by him, picking up a DVD on his way by.
"Oh, he'll love this too. It's a personal favorite," Lavi said, looking at the cover as he headed toward the counter to check out. "Nice seeing you again, Tyki."
"The pleasure was all mine," was the somewhat angry reply. But the poison didn't follow Lavi as he walked out into the rain again, because the tinkling of the little bell above the shop window made him smile and he was on his way home to Allen.
The rain got worse again before he could arrive home, so Lavi ended up seeking shelter again in a small Chinese restaurant near his apartment. He had eaten there a few times and grabbed lunches to go.
"Hope you still like lo-mein and General Tsao's," Lavi murmured to himself as he fiddled in his jeans pocket for the key to his apartment, doing a strange balancing act to keep everything from falling. He pushed the door open and stepped inside, shaking rain off himself.
"Allen, I'm home," he announced, smiling all the while. It felt good to say it, knowing someone else was there. Although when he didn't receive any reply, his smile faltered a little.
"Maybe he's in the bath," Lavi thought, putting their lunch on the counter and the DVD he rented on the coffee table.
"Hey, Allen?" Lavi called, finding the bathroom empty. He couldn't help the little flicker of panic that bloomed inside him. Certainly Allen hadn't…left?
"I got some lunch," Lavi said, trying to calm his racing heart. "And a movie…" His bedroom was the last door in the hallway. If Allen wasn't behind it then…Lavi swallowed, gripping his chest, hoping beyond all hope that Allen hadn't gone… "Allen…?" The door opened, revealing his room and Lavi stared at the amount of trash that covered the floor. There were papers everywhere: envelopes, half opened letters, some letters spread open, pages turning the carpet white. Lavi gripped the door frame, jaw clenched. He didn't know how he felt, knowing that Allen had read them, the letters that he could never send…
There was one at his feet:
I know you don't read these, because I just stopped sending them. I don't know how to describe it, but I'll try. It's like when you really care about something, but the more you care, the more it hurts. And it hurts so bad that it just weakens your entire being to the point where you can barely move or breathe or live anymore. It's like being empty and never thinking you'll be full again. Sorry for the angst, but that's the only way I can describe it. And the reason I never sent this is because maybe my hand was just too tired to write your name on this envelope again, and to write mine again, and to put a stamp on it again, and to send it again, just to get no answer again. It just hurts so damn much, you know. My hand's just too tired and I know that even if it wasn't, walking to the mailbox each day to find it empty would be enough to make me that way.
I'm exhausted, really I am, but even so, I'm still clinging, still hoping, still waiting for you…
With all the love in my heart and tired soul,
And then another:
It's Christmas time again. Wherever you may be and whomever you are with, I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. And I was going to send you a gift, the biggest gift that I've been trying to get to you for years now, but I couldn't figure out the postage to send my heart to you. I've been sending little pieces of it, but I want to send you the whole thing, all in one great big package so you know I'm still here and still waiting and still in love with you. But some friends of mine laughed at me when I told them about it. "Why would you want to send him something broken?" they asked. It's not broken, just fragile, like that one ornament that Mana hung on your tree every year; the one he said that it was so delicate even breathing on it wrong could break it. That's what it's like. Not broken at all, just getting tired of holding itself together. But it's still holding on, still keeping itself in tact. It's still whole, and it's all yours.
All my love to you and Mana,
He stepped over them, ashamed at seeing the words he had written so blankly staring him in the face. They were all like that, upright, having been opened and read. Some looked smeared in places, the words slightly blurred. Had Lavi been crying when he wrote them or had Allen been crying when he read them? Lavi kicked a letter aside, angry at himself. Had all of this chased Allen away? Now Lavi felt like crying, his chest hurting so much he thought he might die right there. He had been so close, let Allen just slip right through his fingers… But then a voice began reading:
"You'll always be…that one person I'll always love. You are the person who brought me fullness, light, love, everything good in this world. When you're gone, it's like my world is dark, bleak, empty. I miss you and I want you to come home. Even if you don't consider this your home anymore I want you to know that my arms will always be open for you and that I'll always be there for you. Because my heart belongs to you and only you. Love, Lavi."
Lavi walked around the bed to find Allen curled up on the floor on the other side, reading one of the many letters around him. The silver-haired boy looked up at him, eyes overflowing with tears.
"Lavi…I'm so sorry…"
"Hey, don't cry…" The redhead had his arms around Allen in no time, kneeling next to him, rubbing his back. With his free hand he was gathering up the letters and shoving them back into the boxes; Lavi didn't want to look at them anymore.
"I…can't help it…you…you…" Allen was trying to answer, but his words were as uneven as his breaths, the result of him crying too much.
"Shh, it's okay," Lavi said, still rubbing Allen's back. "Stop crying, though. You'll make yourself sick." Allen attempted to calm down, his sobs softening after a few moments, turning into hiccups.
"S-Sorry for that…" he said quietly, not moving from Lavi's chest, still clinging to him like the world might end if he let go.
"It's okay, it's my fault," Lavi replied, kissing the top of Allen's head as he continued to shove nearby letters and envelopes back into the box nearest him. "I should have…destroyed these a long time ago…I'm sorry I upset you."
"Stop that, Lavi. Just…stop," said Allen, his voice soft but forceful enough to make Lavi stop his motions. "Don't…say you're sorry. This is all my fault; you have nothing…to be sorry for."
"Allen…none of this is your fault," Lavi said, stroking Allen's hair. "What happened to you wasn't your fault."
"B-But you…these letters…God, Lavi…you waited so long…I'm sorry…" Allen was crying again and Lavi tilted his chin up so he could look the other boy in the eyes. It was heartbreaking how sad Allen looked, the way his eyes were fatigued with despair. The tears that spilled from his eyes over dark lashes slid down his pale cheeks, into the groove that marred the left side of his beautiful face. Lavi wiped them away with calloused thumbs.
"Don't say you're sorry. It's not your fault," he said again, kissing Allen's forehead. "Sure, I waited, and I was lonely. But don't think about what's happened. Just be glad that we got our second chance, hm?"
Allen's lips tilted up in a small smile and he nodded, wiping at his eyes.
"You're all wet," Allen said, looking at Lavi's t-shirt which was still in his steady grip.
"It's raining," Lavi answered, smiling unworried. "But never mind that. I picked up lunch and a movie. Just recently they made Sweeney Todd into a film. I thought we'd get a kick out of it."
As he stood up, Lavi helped Allen to his feet in one swift movement. He was going to continue going on about the movie, but saw Allen's face—the way his expression changed when his eyes fell across the letters strewn about on the floor—and so he did the one thing he remembered doing a lot to Allen back in high school when he was spacing out: Lavi flicked his forehead.
"O-Ow! What was that for?" Allen asked, rubbing the offended spot.
"We're being happy, remember? No long faces from you," Lavi said, poking Allen in the chest. "None. We're gonna eat our Chinese food and watch a gory musical and like it, are we clear?"
But the contemplative face was back, only this time it was a little stronger than before and Lavi doubted a smile and a joke would help it.
"Lavi…" Allen said. The redhead's eyes flickered downwards for a moment when he saw Allen touching his left arm almost subconsciously, rubbing the elbow a little but.
"What's wrong?" Lavi asked, his tone turning concerned as he stepped closer, putting his hand on Allen's arm gently. "Does it hurt?"
Allen's face increased in color and he shifted a little, almost uncomfortably under Lavi's palm.
"N-No, I just…" Allen looked away and down again. Lavi didn't move his hand from Allen's arm, knowing that maybe he should, to give the other boy some space, but also being selfish and not wanting to let go just yet; not wanting to feel that empty solitary ever again.
"Just what?" Lavi asked, gently rubbing Allen's upper arm.
"Do you…want me?" It seemed like it took a while, but Allen managed to get those words out. He still looked a little embarrassed, but Lavi smiled and put his arms around Allen in a comfortable embrace.
"Of course I want you," Lavi answered. "Didn't we kind of establish that all ready?"
"No, I mean…" Allen looked up at him, cheeks a lovely pink. "Do you…want me?"
Lavi felt himself turn a little red as well. Suddenly the room seemed smaller and somewhat warmer, the bed next to them began looking all too inviting, but also intimidating. Lavi was then all too aware of how close they were and how warm Allen was under his hands and the scent that haunted his dreams which he could discern even through the smell of his own soap and shampoo…
"W-Well of course I do!" Lavi said, almost defensively, face probably as red as his hair by now.
"Well…then why…" Allen was flushed too as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. His fingers were tugging at the cuff of the sleeved shirt he wore.
"Why what?" Lavi asked, a little bit of trepidation in his voice. When they had…well, the last time they had been together it wasn't something that they thought about before doing. They just did. Now they weren't fueled by that spontaneity and the awkwardness and nervousness came into play, just like they were teens discussing "it" for the first time.
"Why…w-why haven't you wanted to…you know…?" Allen asked, wringing his hands now.
"W-Well, I mean…I do—I really do—want to, a lot and, uh, wow that sounded bad…" Lavi said, scratching the back of his neck, embarrassed.
"It's…my arm, isn't it?" Allen asked, voice quiet.
"What? No," Lavi said, shaking his head as he placed his hand on top of Allen's left. "That's not it. It's just…"
"It's just what?" Allen asked, looking up at him with those gray eyes that stopped Lavi in his tracks every time. "If…if that's the reason, it's okay. I know…I know it's…ugly and hard to look at."
"That's not it at all," Lavi said, taking Allen's hand into his. "It's…it's just been a while, you know. Well, for me anyway…"
"Lavi, the anatomy hasn't changed. It can't be that hard," Allen said. Lavi blinked. Once, twice, then he lost it and flopped backwards on the bed laughing, Allen following him not long after.
"N-No, that's not it," Lavi said, in between breaths as he got better control on himself. "Don't worry; I still know where everything goes."
That made Allen blush profusely.
"W-Well what is it then?!" Allen asked, playfully punching Lavi in the chest.
Lavi felt his smile falter a little, his gaze dropping to the dark colors on the bedspread, tracing imaginary patterns with his finger.
"I guess…I just don't want to rush things," Lavi answered. "I don't…want to chase you away. I haven't held on this long just to do something wrong and then have you…leave."
"Lavi…" Allen said, making Lavi look up when he felt a gentle hand resting on his cheek. "I'm not leaving any time soon, I promise. I'm real and I'm staying."
Lavi felt himself smiling even though his eyes were hot at the same time. Trust Allen to knock down both of his biggest fears in a few simple sentences. It was all the years of wanting him to come back so badly and all the years being alone that made Lavi believe it, but moreso the sound of such honest sincerity in Allen's voice and the way his eyes could only tell the truth.
"Thank you," said Lavi quietly, slipping his arm around Allen to pull him closer, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss that melted into something all-together much more than that. Tongues danced together, not seeking dominance over the other, but rather reacquainting themselves with the territory once again.
"Lavi…" Allen sighed when they parted, eyes half-lidded, lips redder than before. The sight was so tempting and Allen was clinging to him so sweetly…Lavi kissed his lips again before moving to Allen's jaw, down his throat, fingers unbuttoning the other boy's shirt as his lips trailed downwards. He smirked when he felt the other boy tremble slightly, nibbling gently at Allen's collarbone. "Mm…Lavi…"
"Mn?" Allen's fingers were in his hair, his body arching against Lavi's. It was obvious what they both wanted, and Lavi didn't know if he'd be able to deny that feeling any longer. "Allen…" Lavi stopped what he was doing, enough so that he kept lips, tongue, and hands to himself, but was still positioned over the other boy. "Do you…" Lavi was red again, he was sure.
"Yes…" Allen breathed, sitting up slightly so that he could kiss Lavi again. He began shrugging out of his shirt. "So much…"
Lavi's hands went to helping Allen rid himself of that piece of clothing, gently letting it slide off his shoulders, off and down. Although the other boy appeared uncomfortable with having his injured limb shown like that, Lavi was determined to put his fears to rest. Pushing Allen back down on the bed, Lavi took Allen's hand in his and brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss.
"L-Lavi…you don't…" Allen murmured, his cheeks flushed as Lavi continued to kiss the burned appendage. He brought his lips over every inch, taking care to get each knuckle, every joint, the inside of his palm and wrist, everywhere, steadily moving his way up Allen's arm towards the elbow.
"But I am," he said, knowing what Allen was going to say. Going to say that he didn't have to, that it was ugly and he shouldn't have to kiss such a repulsive thing. But to Lavi, it was a part of Allen, no matter how damaged, and he was going to love every bit of him, regardless. It didn't disgust him at all. It was the hand of the love of his life, and although it looked and felt a little strange, it wasn't gross and Lavi did not despise it. He wanted Allen to know that, wondering if the tender way he kissed every piece of red skin was enough to convey these emotions without the use of words. But he thought he'd verbalize it just in case: "I love you. Every part of you."
Lavi's lips were separated from Allen's upper arm when the other boy pulled him up for an almost bruising kiss. Both of Allen's hands were holding Lavi, keeping their lips together for so long that when they came up for air, the two of them were panting. Lavi's hands were then moving of their own accord, following a path that he had followed in his dreams, traced from the pattern of a memory he had clung to for three years.
(Shameless smut starts here)
Allen's trousers were off quickly, Lavi's mouth moving down his chest to stomach to the area just around the navel, which he exploited mercilessly with his tongue. He fully enjoyed the way Allen's body arched into him, the sounds of his breathy little moans, how his hands were clenching in his red hair…
"L-Lavi…!" Allen groaned when Lavi's hand wrapped around his erection. Lavi started a gentle, slow stroke, committing the feel to memory, deliberately using an unhurried pace to see what Allen liked the most and then employing these methods to make his experience better. Allen liked it when Lavi ran his thumb lightly over the engorged vein on the side or when he would swirl it around the head. He really liked it when Lavi would lean over and lap up the precome from the tip, teasing the slit with his tongue. It made him all the more hot and horny to see Allen's upper half writhing under his ministrations mingled in with low, keening cries. He was so beautiful; even more beautiful in person and out of memories or fantasy.
"Hmm? D'you like this?" Lavi asked, deliberately humming while his lips were pressed against the head of Allen's cock before he ran his tongue down the shaft on the top and then back up from the underside, making Allen all but thrash on the bed. "Want more?"
"Y-Yes!" Allen whimpered, and Lavi could see and feel the muscles in Allen's body tensing with anticipation.
Lavi happily obliged, taking Allen into his mouth again. He didn't get very far before Allen was crying out suddenly and cumming long and hard down his throat. Lavi choked slightly, but managed to swallow almost all that Allen gave him, licking the softening piece of flesh clean a few times when the other boy was through.
"You okay?" Lavi asked, smirking a little in satisfaction when Allen's hazy gray eyes met his. He was still shaking from the force of his orgasm, his flushed skin damp with perspiration. Allen could only nod weakly and Lavi took his good time kissing his way back up his body. "Feel good?" The only answer to that question was Allen letting out a content breath.
Lavi settled next to Allen, idly kissing his warm flesh while the other boy regained control over himself. He didn't want to rush Allen, as he remembered he did all those years ago (although neither of them really seemed to mind) and Lavi was perfectly content to wait until Allen was ready to continue. If he wanted to, Lavi reminded himself, fine with maybe having to finish solo this time, just so glad that Allen was back with him again.
"Lavi…" Allen murmured, looking up at the redhead through dark lashes. Lavi liked seeing those eyes so sated and happy, not as lonely and sad as they had been, glassy with tears.
"Hmm?" Lavi asked, smiling as he brushed Allen's damp fringe from his forehead.
"I…" Allen's voice was so quiet it could have been a whisper, his head bowing slightly, leaning forward to kiss Lavi's throat and shoulder. Lavi smirked at the feel of Allen's hand tugging insistently on his shirt.
"You…?" Lavi prompted, stretching his neck so that Allen had better access.
"You…" Allen continued, breath ghosting across Lavi's flesh pleasantly, making him shiver a little.
"Me…?" Lavi asked, teasing tone to his voice. He groaned when Allen gripped him through his pants and gave him a squeeze.
"…want you…" Allen growled out, hands moving under Lavi's shirt, making the redhead tremble.
"Then take me," Lavi said, pulling Allen on top of him and then down for another kiss. When they parted he had his shirt off within seconds and was urging Allen to touch him however he wanted. And Allen took advantage of this, making Lavi moan and gasp in pleasure. So many nights he had entertained fantasies of this kind, the feel of Allen's skin, lips, fingertips against him again…But having the real thing was much better than dreaming; much better than the vague recollections of the actual act three years ago, as the physical feelings had been mostly dampened by the emotional ones.
"Allen…" Lavi groaned, when the silver-haired boy bent over to give attention to his erection. Allen's mouth was heavenly hot and his tongue was just as erotic, swirling quickly around his length. Lavi's fingers clenched gently in Allen's hair, begging him to go on, but Allen moved off him, earning a disappointed whimper from Lavi.
"Lavi, I…want you," Allen said, straddling Lavi's hips so that their erections were touching, leaning over to kiss Lavi's lips, then jaw, and throat again.
"Want you, too," Lavi's eyes fluttered closed, but he sat up, propping himself up against the pillows and headboard, wrapping his arms around Allen.
"Please…" Allen murmured, lips brushing against Lavi's as his hand gently stroked the redhead's slick cock, moving it under him.
"W-Wai—mmn!" Lavi couldn't get his warning out fast enough, biting his lower lip when Allen sat down on him. Although he was slick enough, Lavi hadn't prepared Allen for it, which led to the tightest heat imaginable on Lavi's end, but most likely discomfort on Allen's. Sure enough, Allen was trembling, clutching Lavi's shoulders in pure anguish, probably the only reason the redhead didn't cum on the spot.
"Oh, Allen, you should have let me get you ready first…" Lavi said, kissing Allen's cheek that was already slightly damp with tears. Gently Lavi stroked Allen's cock that had gone limp from the pain, hoping to distract him while he got used to the intrusion. "Sorry, babe…" Lavi kissed Allen's collarbone in apology, resting his free hand on Allen's trembling thigh. "We can stop if you need to."
"N-No…I'm okay…" Allen answered, his voice hoarse as he shook his head slowly on Lavi's shoulder, breaths a little uneven. "I just…need a minute…"
Lavi rubbed Allen's back encouragingly, kissing him whenever the other boy's breath would hitch in pain as he attempted to move. He also continued fondling Allen's cock in the hopes that he could arouse him again. All of this must have helped, because eventually Allen was able to move, slowly at first, but then developing a better, faster rhythm.
"Ah, ah, ah…La-vi…!" Allen gasped out as he bounced up and down on Lavi's erection, his face so beautiful in flushed determination for completion. Lavi's hands rested on Allen's hips, giving him the leverage he needed to easily keep his pace. Soon, Allen's hands were no longer gripping Lavi's shoulders, but the rail on the headboard as the pace increased to its fastest yet. Lavi was glad his neighbors were all out at work because the both of them were moaning without restraint and the bed was slamming into the wall loudly.
"Nn…Allen…m'close…" Lavi panted out in between breaths, all of it just too hot and fast and so right. He gripped Allen's hips, bit down on his shoulder, and came to a shuddering climax all within a few seconds of giving his warning. In response to that, Allen went rigid in his lap and came with a keening cry before slumping over, exhausted, on top of Lavi.
(Shameless smut ends here)
"That was…amazing…" Allen breathed against Lavi's chest, unable to move from his position on top of the redhead. Lavi gave a tired laugh, too exhausted at the moment to reply with much else. When the two of them got enough energy to actually move again, Allen settled on his side next to Lavi, who wrapped his arm comfortably around the other boy's waist. Allen rested his ear against Lavi's chest. Looking down at him, Lavi wore a dazedly happy smile, his skin still tingling where Allen had touched him during their lovemaking.
"Agreed. Amazing doesn't even begin to cover it…" Lavi said, pulling the blankets over them. Once they were covered up, exhaustion catching up with them, Lavi placed a gentle kiss to Allen's forehead and cheek, over the scar on the left side of his face before closing his eyes, ready for a long rest. A few moments passed in comfortable silence before Lavi felt Allen stir against him.
"I…didn't tell you…that I love you, too," he said quietly, breath rolling over Lavi's skin like a pleasant wave.
"You didn't have to," Lavi answered, smiling as he kissed the top of Allen's head, burying his nose in snow-white strands.
"But…you…all the letters…'Love, Lavi'. Always," Allen said, his words not quite coherent in such a choppy sentence structure. "And you said it and I…I didn't…"
"You could…always say it now if you wanted," Lavi said, twining their fingers together. "Or you don't have to say anything at all."
Allen met his eyes and cupped his cheek as he kissed him.
"I don't have to, but I want to. And I am," Allen said, using almost the same words Lavi had used before when referring to Allen's arm. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Allen," Lavi said, kissing him back.
Allen's trembling arms wound around his neck and they were clinging to each other in sweet reunion. The rain pattering on the roof was far-away and soothing, the letters that littered the floor singing almost softly with the love that Lavi refused to let die over the years of waiting. Suddenly, Lavi felt like no time had passed between them at all and that they were back to being two just-graduated high school seniors that had found love in the back of an auditorium.
So…much…fail…I'm so sorry everyone.
I had set up this chapter so that there could be one more after this one, but I doubt I'm going to do that now, because this is just so much suck to me right now. I know I'm my own worst critic, but…ehhh…
Be nice and leave a review with your thoughts? Perhaps I'm just being my usual self…tell me if you'd like that next chapter as well. Thanks, and if this is the last chapter, I appreciate everyone's comments, favorites, and alerts. You guys are great.
Credit to...: There is a letter in this story that I borrowed from a great internet site called asofterworld. It's the Christmas letter, and I think the original quote is "I tried to figure out the postage to send you my heart for Christmas. But I didn't, because my friends asked "Why would you send her something broken?" No matter how cliche it might sound, the first time I saw that, I nearly cried -weak-