A/N: this is just a litle plot bunny that hit me while reading fanfic last night. Throughout all harmony stories, a majority has Harry and Hermione beating around each other for chapter after chapter after chapter. Now, don't get me wrong, they are good stories, but sometimes a guy just wants it over with. That is where I came up with this story. It gives me a chance to rant.

Warning: this story contains harsh language and over seven bitch-slaps.

God, just do it already

The sun rose slowly as its want to do, Carefully flooding the peaceful valley withs its life giving light. As the rays struck the the forest, birds awoke with their early morning songs. Wolves, deer, and other creatures rose gracefully from their sleep and ventured out for the first meal of the day. Light shone over the great lake, reflecting off the glass-like surface and up through the windows of the grand castle. The rays flowed into the corridors and into class rooms. Not even bedrooms were spared the light. While the rays' travels were generally halted by the thick curtains that hung around the four-poster beds, one lone open bed was filled with the offensive light.

A lone figure tossed and tumbled in the throws of a nightmare until his face was struck by the suns breadth. He jerked up in a cold sweat as he watched his loved ones fall at the hands of his enemy. While mostly unimpressive, this young man was in fact the most famous person of his world.

What most of the world's population doesn't realize is that there are two major societies. The first is the one in which the majority of us live. Where people are wakened in the morning by their alarm clocks, drink their coffee generated by the electric coffee maker, then head to their respective jobs in their cars or trucks or whatever they drive. However, there is another society. A society where magic is the norm and it is not unheard of to see anything from an elf to a unicorn to a damn griffin.

This is the world where Harry Potter lived. Known as the Boy-who-lived, or as the Boy-who-won (what the fuck is with The damn British wizarding world and their hyphens anyway?) since his defeat of the Dark lord Voldemort. Ever since before he was born, poor Harry had been a target of ol' snake lips. This eventually led to the murder of his parents and the subsequent destruction of Voldie's body. The boy spent years living with his non-magical aunt, uncle and lard ass cousin as their personal slave and punching bag. He was raised believing that, not only were his parents dead beat drunks, but that he was a freak that did not deserve to be loved.

A boon was granted young Mr. Potter around his eleventh birthday in the form of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There Harry found the existence of a whole new world in which not only was he 'loved', but revered. He learned that his parents were in fact great and powerful human beings. On the first trip he found friendship and, not that he realized it at the time, love in its truest form. That form was one Hermione Jane(or Jean, I'm not exactly sure) Granger, a bushy-haired, bucktoothed know-it-all.

In the seven years that Harry had known Hermione, she had been beside him throughout the worst hurdles. Sure there were others, but not his so-called 'best mate' Ronald Weasley could not attest to the same achievement. When Harry's parseltoungue ability, Hermione was right at his side when the rest of the school shunned him. When Harry had to save his God father, Sirius Black, from the dementor's kiss, Hermione was beside him with the method to do it. When Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire in his fourth year, Hermione helped him when even Ron abandoned him. To make a long story short and to reiterate Hermione was Harry's rock throughout all of the shit he was subjected to.

Harry sat, panting, in his bed as he remembered his nightmare. In it he was forced to watch as his friends, Hermione in particular, were tortured into insanity and eventually killed. While it hurt to see Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna in such pain, the sight of Hermione screaming in sheer agony and the light leaving her beautiful chocolate eyes just about killed him.

He couldn't believe that he was still getting these nightmares when Riddle was killed over a month ago. ..


Harry watched as the hordes of Riddle's army marched on Hogwarts. He could feel the blood lust rolling off of the ranks of Death Eaters, werewolves, giants and demeantor's. An, at the head of them all, stood Tom Marvolo Riddle, the Dark Lord Voldemort. Harry knew as he watched them approach that this would be the final confrontation. He knew that he more than likely would not survive this battle so he needed to find Hermione to tell her one last thing.

Ever since that first moment on the train to Hogwarts, Harry had been hopelessly in love with Miss Granger. However, he did not realize the fact until he was looking down on her petrified form in their second year. For the following two years, he tried again and again to tell her his feelings, but his distinct lack of love experience and general lack of testicular fortitude in relation to the fairer sex always prevented his true feelings from being spoken. Then, in fourth year at the yule ball, when Hermione descended the stairs in that dress, he saw the attraction from Ron. Harry fell in with that bullshit about the two bickering so much out of repressed attraction that he decided to step aside for his friends' happiness. Today, since he was sure of his impending death, he knew that it was now or never.

Harry traversed the corridors of Hogwarts searching for the brunette when he came across the slightly ajar door of an unused classroom. From within he heard the unmistakable sounds of heavy kissing and feared for the worst. Peeking through the crack in the door, he saw his best friends engaged in a serious snogging session. Time froze and sound stopped, all except for the unmistakable shattering of his heart. Sure he knew that this was bound to happen, but fate had once again decided to figuratively bend over a table and screw him.

'Should have known that this is when I'd find them snogging. I was planning on finally telling her, so why wouldn't they snogging. Fuck you and your law very much Murphy.'

He stoically made his way down to the entrance hall and out onto the grounds. He stood with the teachers and the Order of the Phoenix against the stifling numbers of the opposing force and waited for the inevitable monologue from the wannabe dictator. Harry swore on that spot that, though he may die, that snake faced bastard would go with him.

"So, Harry Potter, it seems that the final day is upon us. Today will be the day that you, at long last, fall by my hand. You will..."

Harry tuned out the maniacal ranting as he did one final recall of his shitty life so far. Dead Parents... check. Terrible childhood of abuse and neglect... check. New hope of happiness destroyed by hero-worship interlaced with constant hate... check. Loss of woman he loved... check. Final fight to the death with megalomaniac bigot with a Hitler complex... check.

'Yup, that about sums it up.'

Eventually the battle was begun and the light side began to fully feel their disadvantage. Warriors fell left and right as Harry locked with Riddle in the prior incantatum like in his fourth year in the graveyard. The two enemies struggled for dominance as the golden beads of light wavered back and forth on the interconnecting beam. Harry felt as he began to weaken and saw the beads approach his wand tip slowly.

'well, fuck this!'

He jerked his wand up and spun to the left as Riddle's surplus of energy shot past him. Using the total surprise of this action, Harry rushed to the astonished Killer and, just before the man could recover, drove his wand right into the pale throat. Riddle gasped as he felt his larynx and his spinal column ruptured. All of the combatants watched the once great evil wizard fall to the dirt and breathe his final breath.

End Flashback

The following month had been filled with countless press conferences, constant public swarming, and relentless girls (and some guys) throwing themselves at him begging him to use them as he saw fit. That bit was more than a little disturbing. Throughout all of it, however, Harry remained a broken man. He watched from afar as the relationship between Hermione and Ron seemed to bud and flourish, and it was frankly killing him inside.

"Well... as soon as I graduate from Hogwarts I can disappear to sulk in private." he mumbled as he made his way towards the great hall for breakfast. Entering, he saw the woman of his dreams sitting at the Gryffindor table with a plate and a book. He couldn't help but smile at the sight as he sat down beside her.

"Morning, Harry." she stated casually in the dulcet tones that could melt the ice of of his heart no matter how cold it got. For a few minutes, Harry could not help but stare at the earthbound angel that sat beside him. All good things must come to an end, however, as she noticed his riveted eyes.

"What's wrong, Harry? Do I have something on my face?"

'Not for lack of want.' Harry thought to himself.

"No Hermione... I was just thinking."

"About what? You were looking rather intense."

"Well... how do you tell someone that you love them Hermione? How can you truly say what your heart feels for someone in a way that will sound convincing?"

"That's an... interesting question Harry. I guess it just depends on the person."

"Oh... okay."

"To whom are you referring, Harry? Ginny?"

"No. Actually, I..."

So close. So damn close. Looking into her inquisitive eyes, Harry once again lost the nerve to speak his heart. So, with a quick 'never-mind' the so called "conquering hero", with tail surgically implanted between his legs, got up an walked away from the table. Neither the mollified Harry or the disappointed Hermione noticed one of the figures at the Ravenclaw table scoff, roll his eyes, and follow Harry out of the Great Hall only to catch up with him at the main stairs.

"Yo! Potter!"

Harry looked around to see an overweight teen with black hair and glasses staring at him with an aggravated look on his round face. While he had seen the guy around the school before, Harry could not recall ever hearing the boy's name.

"Yeah? Who are you?"

"Name's Chris. But that's not important." said the obviously irritated young man.

Harry strolled up to the odd yank inquired as to what he wanted. The only answer was a resonating 'SMACK!' and a stinging pain in his face. Harry pulled his wand only to find it taken away with surprising speed.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing!" demanded the irate Harry, gently rubbing his red cheek.

"I'm giving you the bitch-slap you need to get your head out of your ass!" declared Chris.


"Listen, I've watch you puss out of telling Granger how you felt about her for the last six years... ever since I transferred here when I was twelve, and Goddamn it I am sick and tired of watching you crap out at the last second. You need to get your limey ass back into that hall and tell that girl how you feel."

"What's it to you?"


"Sonuva Bitch! Will you stop that?!"


"You'll keep gettin' bitch-slapped until you do what the fuck you need to do."

"While I appreciate the 'help', she already loves someone else and I won't get in the way of her happiness."


"You stupid little bitch! Its obvious to everyone else but you and that thickheaded Weasley that she is absolutely crazy about you. She's only with him because she doesn't think you feel the same about her."

"No, you're just trying to get her mad at me for some reason. If I tell her how I feel, it'll ruin our friendship."


"You little pussy! You don't even believe that shit, do you? No... you're just trying to justify your lack of balls."

"What? I defeated Voldemort."

"And yet you can't tell the woman you love how you feel. Maybe Riddle deserved to kill your punk ass. Because you are a pitiful excuse for a hero. At least he knew to say what he wanted. Not you... you little BITCH! God, just DO it already!"

The last was punctuated with another resounding 'SMACK!'

"Alright, fine!"

Harry purposefully strode back into the Great hall and up to Hermione, who gasped at the red hand prints on his face.

"Harry, What happened?"

"That's not important right now, 'Mione. I have something to say and I need to do it before I get bitch-slapped again. Ever since I first saw you on the Hogwarts express, I knew that there was something about you. It wasn't until I saw you petrified second year that I realized what that something was..."

Harry threw a quick glance back to the doors to see Chris urging him on by slapping the palm of his left hand with the back of his right, which still held Harry's wand.

"What is it, Harry?" asked the hopeful Hermione as the pause drug on.

Harry sighed"... Hermione... I love you. I have for years and I just never had the balls to tell you. Before the Yule ball, I was was to afraid to even ask you so I ended up going with Parvarti. When I saw you walking down the stairs, I knew that I had fucked up big time. The ball's also when I first realized that Ron liked you, so I backed off. That whole mess with Cho fifth year was just to get over not being with you. When Dolohov hit you with that spell in the DoM, I almost died until Neville found your pulse. You have been there for me every fucking step of the way and I love you all the more for it. I realize that this might ruin our friendship, but I had to tell you. I'll just go nowmph...!"

Harry couldn't finish his thought as a pair of soft lips latched onto his. As soon as his mind registered what was happening, and that Hermione was in his arms kissing him for all he was worth, he eagerly returned the ministrations. After about two minutes, during which all that were in the Great hall this early wondered when the hell they would breathe again, they broke apart and Harry was quickly dragged out of room.

Smirking, Chris walked back over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down by his friend.

"Pay up, Nick. It happened before graduation."

"Dude, you suck. That was totally unfair. You pushed him into doing it." replied Nick as he slid fifty galleons over to Chris.

"Hey... you never said no interference."

A/N: there you have it. If I offended anyone with anything in the story... cowboy the fuck up! its just a story ya babies.

(if I offended anyone with my author's note... see the above note.)