A/N: Don't ask. Seriously, don't ask.

"Seriously, how hard is it to add a few more sequins?" Chris Jericho ranted, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Chris, I'm sorry, but I can't make it any more sparkly than it is now. Vince said that there are rumors going around the internet that you are gay," Chris's wardrobe stylist, Kate, informed him. "Vince won't let me put any more sequins on your outfits."

"Come on, I'm the one who has to wear them!" Chris cried, tossing his arms up in the air. "And about those rumors, I don't care. Everyone knows I have kids and a smokin' wife. If they think I'm gay, that's fine. We all know it's not true. They're just jealous because I'm the Intercontinental Champion. Excuse me, I'm the Jerichocontinental Champion."

"Chris, if you like sparkles so much, how about you shine up your nice title belt and actually bring it down to the ring with you for once?" Kate asked. She, along with plenty of other backstage employees, had noticed that Chris had stopped taking his title belt down to the ring.

"That belt can not be shiny and sparkly enough for me. Ever. Besides, I am the main attraction, not that belt. I want to be the one that glitters like gold!"

"I'm sorry. I can't do it. Vince is the boss. You know that."

"I'll have a talk with Vince about this."

"It won't get you very far."

"Can you at least put a little glitter on the trim?" Chris bargained, trying to get as much sparkle wherever he could.

"Isn't it bad enough that you already wear tights and vests? How much more like one of the Village People do you want to look?"

"I already told you. I'm not gay."

"Your desired choice of outfit says otherwise."

"Can I borrow your Bedazzler?"

"No, Chris. No."

Sighing, Chris gave in. "Can you at least polish my belt for me?"

"No."