I sometimes like writing Rikkai fics. So deal with it. XP
"I hate you all!" Kirihara cried out sniffing. "I hate you all! The world hates me! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!"
"There, there, what happened this time?" Yukimura said, trying to stop the junior ace from crying. "Did Niou bully you again?"
"No," Kirihara answered.
"Did Sanada slap you?"
"Did Marui steal your Pocky?"
Kirihara shook his head. "Jackal…Jackal called me Kiriyama!" he finally cried out. "I'm not Kiriyama, I'm Kirihara!!"
"Jackal, twenty laps," Yukimura ordered.
"But it was an accident!" Jackal protested. "I didn't mean to!"
"Do it. Now." Yukimura was smiling his "Obey me now or DIE" smile.
Jackal complied. Oh, why did he have to get punished?! It was just an accident! Why was he running laps for making a simple name mistake?! Why did Kirihara have to moodswing and make a big deal out of it all?! Maybe he should move back to Brazil…
Niou was laughing in the background. "Haha, that's funny! You getting called Kiriyama! I bet Marui won't like that."
"I don't like it!" Kirihara cried out. "I don't want to be as ugly as Marui's Tenimyu actor!"
"Um…actually, I think he's prettier than you," Niou commented. "Kiriyama's more girly anyhow. And he actually acts SANE."
"But, Marui's ugly, so why is Kiriyama better than me?!" Kirihara looked like he was about to start crying.
"Hey, I'm not ugly!" Marui shouted from…somewhere.
"Yeah, Marui's a pretty little girl," Niou said, snickering. "Gosh, Kiriyama and Marui are both girly! Who would've thought?"
"Niou, thirty laps," Yukimura ordered.
"What the fuck, why do I get more laps that Jackal? All I said was that little Akaya over here is ugly and that Kiriyama and Marui are both prettier than him!"
"You're being mean to Akaya and tainting his mind," Yukimura answered.
"How the heck is saying someone's prettier than him tainting his mind?!"
"He needs to have confidence in order to grow up," Rikkai's captain replied. "Now run your laps like a good little boy."
Niou gave his captain a 'WTF' look, but did his laps anyway, since he actually wanted to live and have children. Even though that probably wasn't possible, but he still hoped…and dreamed.
"Why did Jackal call me Kiriyama?!" Kirihara cried out. "I don't look like him, do I?!"
"No you don't," Yukimura assured him. "It's probably because your names are so similar."
"I don't want my name to be the same as some weird actor!" Kirihara whimpered. "I'm going to change my name! From now on, I'm going as Bob!"
"Wait, what the fuck, his name is Bob now?" Niou asked, coming back from his laps. "Dude, that's like, the stupidest name ever."
Sanada came up from behind and slapped the trickster. "Don't swear."
"Swearing his bad for your health," Yanagi stated, scribbling something in his nifty notebook.
"…What the fuck?!"
Sanada slapped him again. "I just told you not to swear, Niou."
"He just said swearing was bad for your health! How is that possible?! HOW IS THAT EVEN LOGICAL?!" Niou was totally losing his cool.
"Calm down, Niou-kun," Yagyuu reprimanded.
"I will not calm down! This team's insane! Who said swearing is bad for your health?! I think that's total bullshit!"
"Niou-senpai is scary!" Kirihara/Bob cried out.
"Says the person who murders people on the court!" Niou shouted.
"I think he's on his monthly," Marui said. "And um, why isn't Jackal back yet? He's supposed to give me my Pocky."
"I think he might've died from his laps," Niou muttered. "So…do we call you Bob now?"
"Wait, I think I totally missed something over here." Marui was staring. "Who's Bob?"
Yukimura, Yagyuu, Yanagi, Niou, and Sanada pointed at Kirihara.
"Okay, so basically Akaya/Bob got pissed off at being called Kiriyama and since his name is so similar to Kiriyama, he decided to change his name to Bob," Niou explained.
"So his last name is Bob…and his first name is Akaya? What the fuck, Bob Akaya?!" Marui wasn't getting it at all.
"Swearing is bad for your health," Yanagi muttered.
"What the fuck, why isn't the girly kid getting hit for swearing?!" Niou demanded, which earned him another slap from Sanada.
"BOB!!" Kirihara/Bob cried out.
"Sanada, don't hit Niou too much," Yukimura warned. "We need him."
"Aren't…Nationals already over?" Marui asked. "Like, we totally got PWNED."
"Marui, fifty laps," Yukimura ordered.
"I can't," Marui deadpanned.
"Why not?!" Niou asked. "Did you get pregnant?"
Marui rolled his eyes. "No, I'm on my monthly," he said sarcastically.
"Oh my gosh you're a girl! I KNEW IT! MAYBE THAT MEANS KIRIYAMA IS A GIRL TOO!" Niou shouted out.
"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!" Kirihara/Bob cried. "HE'S MY ENEMY. I HATE HIS NAME!"
"IT WAS JUST A JOKE!" Marui shouted back. "I CAN'T BECAUSE I HAVE KNEE PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!"
"IF YOU HAVE KNEE PROBLEMS YOU SHOULDN'T COME TO PRACTICE!" Niou yelled.
"WHY ARE WE YELLING?!"
"I want to kill Kiriyama," Kirihara/Bob said emotionlessly. "He makes this world too loud."
"…Aren't we the ones shouting?!" Niou rolled his eyes.
"Niou-kun, stop being mean," Yagyuu reprimanded his doubles partner once again.
"Whatever. You shut him up every night anyway," Marui said. "Well, maybe not, since if you didn't make any sound at a-"
"Fifty laps, Marui," Yukimura ordered. "It doesn't matter if you have knee problems; you should still be able to do them."
"…Can I walk them?"
"Buchou, you're trying to murder me!"
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT NIOU IS ON HIS MONTHLY!" Marui cried out dramatically, falling to his knees. "Ow! That hurt!"
"I'M A BOY, DAMN YOU!" Niou snapped back. "I DON'T GET MONTHLIES. UNLIKE SOMEONE."
Kirihara/Bob was crying. Oh, why did he have such mean teammates?!
WTF. This was random. XD
Poor Kiriyama. Kirihara hates him because of his name. XP.