Such a Strange Couple

It was a night like all in Gotham City: robberies, murders, and things like those. And obviously, the shadow of the Bat on sinister shapes of criminals. But I'm not here to tell you about the big brave Bat and his sidekick and all that hero stuff. No, I'm here to tell you what's happening in… Two-Face's hideout.

Harvey Two Face was lying on the sofa, looking at his coin with a slightly idiotic stare on his face. He had one of his two girls, Sugar, sitting by his human side, and Spice, the other one, by his freaky side. The girls seemed impatient.

-"Come on, baby- Spice said- flip your coin and decide who of us you'd like tonight."

He didn't hear. He was thinking. And when Two Face thinks, he thinks hard. But, the question was, about what? Yes. The question. That word made him have a spine chill. So that's why he was sad, as always: he was damn lonely. He needed… a friend. But this time, his sadness was not alone: there was that… unlikely sentiment of… missing someone. He shook his head, trying to send his thought away.

-"What's with you, sweetie?-Sugar said in a disgusting syrupy voice- Don't you like us anymore? C'mon flip it."

-"Sugar… Spice… someone please get me the phone."

The two girls stared at him interrogatively.

-"What do you mean, the phone? What do you need more than your sweetie-pies?"

-"Just get me the damn phone." Harvey growled. Spice jumped on her feet and got the phone.

-"Here you are."

-"Hm." He moaned. While doing the number, he felt strange… inside.

Ring. Ring. Ring.


-"Hello? Hi, Edward! It's me, Harvey." His voice trembled a little.

-"Oh, so you're still alive! Disappeared, huh? So, how are you?"

-"Er… fine. Could… could you come here?"

Silence. Come on, you idiot. Say yes. Eddie told himself.

-"Hmm… ok. Huh! You did it!

-"Good! I'm in my place, you know where is it. Well, see you soon."

Then he hung up the receiver before Edward could answer him.

"Good ol' Harvs.- Eddie thought- such a nice guy and no one that appreciates him… Hey, what am I saying? Huh, God better stop thinking of this."

Not much later a shadow dressed in green came closer to Harvey's hideout. He knocked with his question mark shaped cane.

One of Harvey's thugs opened the door.

-"Who are you?"

-"Riddle me this: what is…"

-"Shut up, please! I know you now! Pass!"

It always works! Riddler thought, pleased of himself. He entered in the corridor. An empty corridor.

-"Harvey? Har…"

-"I'M HERE!" Two Face voice's came from the last room on the left.

You're always nice with friends, aren't' you? Riddler thought while hanging cane and bowler hat on the coat rack on his right.

-"Harvey, your voice sure seems a little upset…" He began.

-"Oh, shaddup and come in."

He came in and saw Two Face slumped on the sofa. His friend was not even looking at him.

Eddie sat near him with a worry look.

-"Hey. What's with you? Bored?"

Harvey rolled his eyes.

-"Come on, I'm just a little depressed. It's nothin'."

-"Worried for not being able to kill the Bat?"

-"Ha. That freak."

-"Or Robin?"

-"Worse, little stupid wannabe."

Riddler smiled cunningly.

-"Want a hand?"

-"No, thanks, I have two, actually."

They laughed, even if it was a lousy joke. The tension was broking a little. Just silence for some minutes.

-"The last time you gave me a hand, I ended barely dead." He was serious now.

-"Barely, you said it. So, what we could do?"

-"What about a little TV? There's a funny show now."

-"Oh, yeh? Well good, I love comic shows."

-"Me too, Ed. That's why I'm your friend. You're living and breathing comic show." Harvey giggled while reaching the remote.

Five minutes later, a blonde newsreader announced that the show was been deleted..

Disappointed moans from the two parts.

-"And now??" Two Face asked, frowning.

-"And now we do zapping." Edward exclaimed, grabbing the remote and changing channel before Harvey could say anything.

News, a documentary on reptiles, a weird quiz, a romantic movie. Boy and girl in the rain, looking at each other with a particular look - the look of love.

Eddie put down the remote.

-"Wha—Ed… are we… YOU watching THIS?" He seemed extremely disgusted.

-"What's wrong? Come on, they're such sweet."


-"Hush now, they're kissing."

The two on the screen kissed tenderly. The man was stroking the woman's blond hair.


Two Face found nothing better to do than watching his friend. Suddenly, a thought entered his mind: 'Ed has such a nice profile'. At first he was scared of the thought, but within some moments he got… used to it. Like it always been in his brain. He continued staring at Riddler, he just couldn't help himself.

-"He really do have a nice profile. Weird hair, no way, but such a cute little nose and wide, green eyes. Like a kitten. And… those lips. Sure they look soft. And wet. Like… like a woman's."

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice he was coming closer and closer to his friend, unaware of him.

But when Two Face put an arm around his waist and tried to get him closer, he startled:

-"Harvey, what are you doing?"

But now Harvey was practically on him.

-"Harvey, just what the HELL are you doi…?" His voice became shrill with fear.

He placed a finger on Riddler's lips:



Obviously, Two Face didn't listen to him: he placed a hand under Eddie's chin to make sure he couldn't 'escape' and…


…kissed him.

It was a gentle kiss. Something that you'd never expect from Two Face. So tender that Riddler stopped protesting and flung his arms around Harvey's neck. And it was a quite long kiss too. It finished. Green eyes in split-up eyes, one blue and the other… of an indefinable colour.

-"I…just…sorry, Ed."

-"No, no. Do… do you have to tell me something?"

-"Yes. But it's… difficult."

Riddler took Harvey's hand.

-"I… I love you." Two face whispered.

Edward smiled. Harvey, bended his head and blushed.

His friend stroked Harvey's disfigured part.



-"You… touched my… y'know… ugly part."


-"So, nobody does it."

-"You don't have ugly parts at all."