Chapter 11

"This is pathetic," Wolf snorted, popping open another beer and slurping it down. Fox was lounging lazily on the opposing sofa, and both were watching the television display a vicious beating. "Why doesn't he do something, anything?" Wolf demanded.

"He's fighting the woman he loves," Fox explained. "He figures if he takes the beating, she'll see the depths of his love and forgive him."

Fox and Wolf exchanged amused glances, before both giving a hearty laugh. "How many fingers did Krystal break?" the wolf asked.

"Three, if the thumb is considered a finger."

Wolf finished his beer, threw it over his shoulder and belched loudly. He took out two more cans from the cooler at his feet, keeping one for himself and throwing one to Fox. "I think I may have a problem," the vulpine said. He didn't catch the can, and had to lean forward to take it off the ground. "I think I may be an alcoholic."

"You're not an alcoholic, you haven't earned it," Wolf snapped. "You shouldn't even be drunk you little pansy. I've had three cans for every one of yours, and I barely have a buzz."

"But you have better tolerance than Bowser."

"Makes sense, I've been training since I was a pup."

"Fight me," Zelda screamed, as her magic formed itself into a graceful whip. Link backed away, holding his shield up, bracing himself every time the cackling thrash vibrated through his bones. "Fight me," she screamed again. It must have been painful. He was cringing with every snap. His arms must have felt like jelly.

A stiff hit, the whip winding around the guard's side and slapping across Link's cheek, and the shield tumbled out of Link's grasp. He brandished his sword, but continued to retreat, only striking to counter one of his princess' attacks, and not pressing any openings she gave him.

"This is just sad," Wolf whined. "I wanted a grudge match. 100 percent violence. Instead we have a weird dominant and submissive thing. All the princess needs is a leather bondage outfit. Change into Sheik already."

In a high pitched voice that was meant to parody Zelda or Link, Fox wasn't sure, Wolf said, " 'I am a strong, independent Hyrulian woman. I do not need you to protect me from the grotesque, yet strangely attractive cat clone." Each blast of magic that Zelda summoned was accompanied by some sort of commentary. "This is for Samus taking my spot as the first female ass kicker. This is for leaving me out of the first tournament." As Zelda lifted both hands and released a blast of magic that sent Link tumbling and rolling across the length of the stage, Wolf hopped onto his feet and shouted in the squealing tone, "I am woman hear me roar."

"Victor: Zelda," the television boomed, before going black. With a certain degree of canine finesse, Wolf lifted his bare foot to his chin and scratched at an itch. "Pussy," Wolf muttered, before rolling onto his feet and starting to leave.

"Yep, a loss like that is almost as embarrassing as a loss to Samus in a sparring match."


"Sorry 'Two, but I couldn't find any Beethoven," Mew said as she floated into the room, tiny arms filled with CDs. "I did find a few things that you may like though. I think you'll enjoy this. Its called, 'Clubbed to Death'."

"Anything is preferable to this," Mewtwo said, eyes focused on the television screen, and the goofy, Benny Hill like character that was the star of the present show. "How do people

derive humor from a ridiculous situation, succeeded by the character repeating the line, 'I'd buy that for a dollar!'"

"It's human entertainment. Even I don't understand it half the time," Mew purred. "I just know its funny."

"I'd buy that for a dollar!" the television character exclaimed, and Mew gave a low giggle, rolling onto her back. Mewtwo focused on the television, and after a moment the screen imploded, shards of glass sparking inwards. Continuing to chuckle, Mew floated over to the CD player, just as the door to the room broke inward, and Wolf and Fox spilled in. Fox had his jaws clamped tightly on Wolf's left arm, and seemed heedless of the fact that Wolf was continuingly slamming clenched fist across his cheek.

Fox finally lost his grip when Wolf swung him into a wall. He took the vulpine by the shoulder and, holding him in a tight clinch, began bringing his knee into Fox's ribs. Fox picked him up in a bear hug, and charged out of the room and back into the hallway.

Mewtwo sighed, annoyed. "Now I need another new door."


A little less than a foot separated Wolf or Fox from Samus' height, but because they were slouched and she was standing very straight, the difference seemed much more apparent. She was yelling, though Wolf had stopped listening by now. He had zoned out, in much the same way he did when being lectured by one of the drill sergeants in his army days. She was like a child on a sugar rush. It was easier to allow her to tire herself out than attempt to stop her. He would have left, but she was still holding the rolled up newspaper and his snout was still sore, so he just zoned out and waited for her to stop.

"Can't you two little mutts keep your alpha male urges in check for two fucking days?" she screamed. The fact that they had been fighting didn't bother her so much as the fact that their fight had spilled into her bedroom when she was changing into her nightgown. They wouldn't have even noticed her had she not screamed, in which time they paused their fight long enough to gaze at Samus pulling bed sheets on. She was so mad she still hadn't gotten dressed, but the sheets were tied tight enough that they would not slip off, no matter how much she screamed and waved her arms like an enraged chicken. Not for the first time, Wolf wondered where she had gotten the newspaper, especially after she struck him yet again.

"Pay attention," she screamed.

Wolf fixed his slouched posture, but in fact his good eye was gazing down the hallway, looking for someone to pass the heat to. Such an opportunity came when he saw Captain Falcon.

"Hey babe," he said, moving down the hallway with his typical arrogant waltz. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"These two animals," Samus started. "They…they…"

"We saw her in her 'absolute zero suit'," Wolf chuckled. Despite the smack across his nose, it was worth it.

"You monsters," the captain shouted, winding his fist back. He moved to punch Wolf, but Samus took him by the wrist and easily flipped him onto the ground.

"I can handle this," she screeched. When she turned back to the wall, Wolf and Fox were gone. Her screams of anger could be heard through the mansion.

Samus, now donning her powersuit, arm cannon held at the ready, burst through the kitchen door like a predatory animal, eyes darting from side to side, but all she could see was Peach, who was standing over a hot stove, and Zelda, who was sitting at the counter. Snarling angrily, Samus turned and stormed out. Peach bent at the hip and opened the draw near her feet, peeking in at the wolf who was crammed into the narrow space in an uncomfortable position. That he had managed to squeeze himself in was an accomplishment in and of itself, but what was truly amazing was how long he had been hiding.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine," Wolf said.

"She's gone now."

Peach took a step back to allow Wolf to crawl out of the compartment. "I'm not scared of her," he explained.

"Of course not," Peach smiled in her motherly way, before turning back to the boiling pot. She stirred her concoction, before tasting a sample with the wooden spoon.

"Pasta sauce is done," she said happily. Opening the oven, she stroked the sizzling barbeque ribs with a finger, lifted it to her mouth and tasted it. "Ribs too. That takes care of Bowser, Mario, and Luigi. I can make the banana custard and eggplant parm, then all I'll have to do is cook the steaks. You like yours rare?" she asked.

Wolf nodded awkwardly, still looking at the door as if Samus could burst in at any moment, which she could, to be sure. He finally started to leave, peeking his head out of the threshold before taking his first steps into the hallway. An armored fist took hold of his collar, and he was yanked away before he had time to howl.

"Link want anything special?" Peach asked, completely unfazed by the abduction she had just witnessed.

"I don't know," Zelda muttered.

"You're still not talking to him?"

Zelda nodded.

"How long do you plan to stay mad at him?"

"Mewtwo could have been killed," Zelda said.

"Link didn't do that."

The Hyrulean princess cupped her head in her hands.

"He's a good man, just a bit naïve, and stupid, and jealous. But he is a good man. Like Mario. A hero's heart is always in the right place, their brain just isn't always connected to it."

"Mewtwo could have died," she said again.

"It was just a malfunction in the system. Link didn't do anything. Think about it, Link isn't a subtle person. If he wanted to kill Mewtwo, he would have chased after him with a sword."

Peach thought to herself. "He thought that Mewtwo was hypnotizing you. Why doesn't Mewtwo hypnotize anyone anyway?"

"He considers it impolite. Say what you like about him, but he's always a perfect gentlemen. He's always so nice. So respectful." Zelda stood up.

"Where are you going?" Peach asked.

"I'm going to bed."