I'm probably going to end up saying this again but happy birthday Becky. The only reason this is up today is because I have school tomorrow. Not summer school… school. How gay.

Kay so after raping my iPod for a few hours, I heard this song and killed the whole being stuck in the car with Cody for (random number here) hours.

This song… has to be at least ten or twenty years older than I am. And I was born in ninety four. So if you randomly decide to download the song, don't look at me as if I've lost my mind.

And with that being said… oneshot time. Becky, don't kill me for some of the things I'm about to make you say.

--

I fucking hate Ted Dibiase. Junior, I mean. His dad is… well his dad is the same.

Obnoxious, conceited, and at this time and point, annoying.

Can you believe that fucker had the nerve not to tell me that he was engaged?

Your voice that sounded soft and sweet
Your manners knocked me off my feet
Infatuation made me blind
Today I know you are someone else
Than the one I keep in my mind

I had to find out from one of the divas. Bastard.

When I met Ted… well I'll be straight with you. I wanted to jump him. I mean, how could you not? Gorgeous eyes, beautiful face, a body to die for… if I didn't have any morals, I probably would have raped him. But it wouldn't have been rape because I guarantee you…

He would have liked it.

Oh, uh… Back to the matter at hand. He was really sweet and kind. Well mannered, too. He called me "ma'am", which to be honest, I didn't appreciate. It made me feel old.

He didn't seem to pay attention to my chest, which up until that point seemed impossible for any male of any species to do. His father even sneaked a few peeks, which is… creepy.

A few weeks of us knowing each other and he asked me out, which I found surprising. With his look and charms, I figured he would already have a girlfriend.

Damn, was I right, or was I right? I'll give you one guess.

So now you think I'm yours
And you don't have to try
Seems nothing I do is right

The first week of us going out was great. He spoiled me like there was no tomorrow and treated me with 'love' and 'affection'.

The second week? Not so much. The thrill was gone (so he said) and things had gotten stale.

You'd think you would get more of a relationship with a spoiled, rich, pretty boy. Haha, wrong.

Me? I hate it when things go wrong for no intelligent reason, so in a desperate attempt to spice up my relationship, I told him that I loved him. Again, I was desperate. I didn't love that man. But then, he did the unexpected. He started…to cry.

Erm…

I think that had to be one of the most awkward and uncomfortable situations I'd been in ever in my life.

But no matter how uncomfortable it was, it spiced up our relationship…for a day.

We had sex. Let's just say…

I feel very sorry for his fiancée.

Being an ass, after I broke up with him, he told me that 'fucking me was like fucking a sack of potatoes'.

And…how exactly would he know what fucking a sack of potatoes is like?

I just left that alone.

So now you think I'm yours
And you don't have to try
Seems nothing I do is right
How dare you talk to me like that
If you're not careful I'll get mad
How dare you talk to me like that
Let this be a warning

One night, we ended up having an argument. One amongst many, of course.

"Look, I don't know who the hell you think you are," I shouted at him, shoving my index finger into his chest, "but you don't demand anything of me. You got it?"

He looked at me with an annoyed expression, "I won't tell you again. Go get my dinner, you stupid bitch!"

Hell no.

I slapped him. Hard. I slapped him again. And again. And again. And again.

I kicked him in the… little Dibiase's, so to speak. He'd fallen and hit the side of his head on the counter.

I stood back and laughed, "There's your dinner."

You made me hope we'd live a dream
But now you make me want to scream
Poetic style turned into prose
This gentleman that once I knew
I wonder if it was really you

So I'm sitting in my hotel room one night, waiting for Ted (yet again), when his cell phone began to ring. He should really learn to keep his cell phone with him at all times. Eh, I had nothing to do, so I looked at the tiny screen.

Kristen.

Who the fuck was Kristen? And why was she calling my boyfriend?

"Hello?" I answered.

A nasally voice replied, "Who the hell is this?"

I had to refrain from laughing. That had to be the funniest voice I'd heard in a long time. "You called my boyfriend, who are you?"

"Your boyfriend? What the hell are you talking about? He's my fiancé!"

I froze. She didn't just say that. I swear to God, she didn't just say that.

"You must have the wrong number, sweetheart." I decided before hanging up.

He's my fiancé!

Ted is about to die.

So now you think I'm yours

And you don't have to try

Seems nothing I do is right

I sat there, waiting. This time a lot more patiently.

Ted walked in, "Hey babe, how ar-"

"Who the fuck is your 'fiancée' Kristen?"

If I must say so myself, the look on his face was 'simply priceless'.

"What are you talking about, I don't have a fiancée! I'm with you!"

"Then who the fuck is Kristen? Why did I find a picture of you and some bitch with a ring on her finger? Hmm?!"

"I…uh…"

"Fuck you, we're through." I spat before grabbing my bag and walking out of the hotel room.

How dare you talk to me like that

If you're not careful I'll get mad

How dare you talk to me like that

Let this be a warning

I'll never understand why I wasn't enough for him. I'll never understand why he talked to me the way that he did. But hey, I can and will find a better man.

Maybe I'll see if Cody's available…

Now you think I'm yours

And you don't have to try

Seems nothing I do is right

How dare you talk to me like that

If you're not careful I'll get mad

How dare you talk to me like that

Let this be a warning

Let this be a warning

Let this be a warning

Let this be a warning

Let this be a warning

Let this be a warning

-End Oneshot-

--

Yay it's done. Happy birthday. I own nothing. Reviews appreciated.

-Chantel