"Crazy Weird"

"Crazy Weird"

'Chapter One'

By: Emo Fox



Naruto and Sasuke were sitting in the home their shared together, doing nothing, just staring off into space. They didn't own a t.v, the Uchiha manor was just a large expanse of empty space. Even with all of Naruto's crap now inhabiting the place for two years now, it still didn't make the home feel any more homely.

The walls were grey, the floor a stained redwood, very dreary.

At the moment the two ninja were laying down on the floor in the living room. They were staring up at the ceiling, the silence a biting itch in their ears.

Naruto was one of the top Anbu now, Sasuke a close second, but Naruto was trying to climb ever higher to reach his goal of Hokage. The two had just come back from a particularly long mission, and they had been granted a few days to recover and just have a mini vacation.

Problem was, they had no idea what to do with it.

They hadn't been out, hadn't been doing much of anything.

Sakura had dropped from their squad a few months before to better herself as a medic ninja, resigning her title of being on the front lines. So, it had been solely the Uzumaki-Uchiha team once again.

No, there wasn't any hidden love between them.

They were friends, best friends.

Naruto still tried to pick up girls when he could, and Sasuke continued to ignore everyone but Naruto. Technically, in public, Sasuke still tended to ignore Naruto as well, but that didn't count really. Sasuke was all about keeping up appearances after all. It didn't bug the fox like it used to, he understood it now, and it didn't bother him.

At the end of the day Sasuke accepted him, gave him a home.

That's all that mattered.

Naruto turned to his friend, his blue eyes scanning his profile, "What do you want to do today?"

Sasuke frowned, staring at the black spot on the ceiling. "There isn't much of today left."

They had trained the good portion of the morning.

Now it was nearly sunset, but Naruto was always full of energy.

"Do you want to go to the bar?" He grinned, "We could try and meet some people."

"Meet people?"

"Yeah!" Naruto propped up on one elbow, his eyes focused on Sasuke's face. "It'll be fun; you haven't gone out with me in a long time. I'm getting cabin fever!"

"Then you go out."

"I don't want to go alone."

"I thought you want to meet other people." Sasuke said in a clipped tone.

Naruto stuck his tongue out at the other man, "Don't be like that, I still want to go with a friend. We both need to meet people."

Most of their childhood teammates had moved from the village, some settling on the outskirts, some beyond the village itself becoming homemakers rather than ninja. The village almost seemed foreign sometimes; there were becoming fewer and fewer familiar faces among the crowds.

"Why do we need to go to a bar?"

"Nothing else is going to be open so late."

"Do you want to drink?"

Naruto shrugged, "Maybe."

Sasuke closed his eyes, his arms supporting his head, "You don't hold liquor well."

It was true.

A few drinks and the kit was a mumbling mess.

But, that didn't matter.

Drinking was fun, it made him feel more social, it made him feel less of an outcast and more of the crowd. Insecure maybe, but it helped Naruto cope sometimes. "I don't care, I want to do something."

"Why don't we drink here?"

"Here?" Naruto looked skeptical. "You don't even like to drink that much."

Sasuke wasn't a big fan of liquor, but on occasion he would enjoy a cup of hot sake, usually when he was feeling stressed. But, he would venture out with Naruto to the bars, something they mainly had done more often when they were younger – Sasuke might not indulge in the drinks as heavily as the kitsune, but he participated none the less.

"I'm making an offer; don't make me take it back."

"Fine fine." Naruto mumbled, thinking things over in his head. "It won't be as fun though."

"Am I not fun?"

"Sasuke stop twisting my words around!" He said exasperated, "You know what I mean, stop talking like a woman."

"I'm a woman now?"


Sasuke smirked to himself, his black eyes peeking open to steal at glance at Naruto's irritated face. "We could play a game."

"A game?"

"A drinking game."

"With two people?"

"Truth or lie."


Sasuke regarded the fox, "Surely you've played it before."

Naruto fidgeted, "No actually, what is it?"

"You take a drink when something is a truth about you." Sasuke murmured, "Like if I said, 'Naruto have you ever slept with Sakura,' if it were true, you would drink, if it's a lie, you don't."

Naruto weighed it in his head, "Sounds different."

"Want to play then?"

Naruto sat up, "Yeah, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Two people." Naruto frowned, "You sure this is going to be fun?"

"We don't have to do anything you know." Sasuke said evenly, "You can always go out, and I'll stay here."

Naruto was silent a moment, "No, let's play."

"We need to go get some sake then."

"I have some."

"Oh?" Sasuke raised his eyebrow, "And I didn't know about it?"

Naruto grinned, "There's a lot of things Sasu-chan doesn't know."

"Now I'm nervous."

Naruto laughed, "You should be."

Sasuke sat up, looking at Naruto's back as the blonde retreated in the direction of their kitchen. Sasuke scooted himself closer to the table in the center of the room, an ornate black lacquer table that had been in his family since before he was born. He positioned himself next to it, seeing himself in the reflective onyx wood.

Naruto's reflection appeared and Sasuke looked up, "Okay, so we're going to play this game, and it's going to be fun."

Sasuke smirked slightly, his dark eyes weighing the fox as the blonde sat across from him. "It's more like you're ordering yourself to have fun."

"Shut up." Naruto poured the drinks, setting the jar on the table between them.

"Want to start?"

"How do you start?"

"Why don't you ask the questions first?"

"Okay." Naruto paused, thinking things over in his head. "Sasuke, who in the village do you like?"

"That's not how you ask questions."

"Yes it is."

"No, it isn't."

Naruto frowned, "Whatever, you do it then."

"It's yes or no questions, true or false." Sasuke mumbled, "It's not specific answers."

"You just don't want to tell me."

"Naruto, don't be stupid."

"Whatever." Naruto kept his frown, trying to think of how to phrase his question better.

"Do you want me to just start?"

Naruto was about to protest, but thought against it. He hadn't played this game before, maybe it would be a better idea if Sasuke was the one who started. "Sure."

Sasuke sat rigidly opposite of the kitsune, his dark eyes trained on the man's tan fan, noticing how his hair feathered just above his bright blue eyes. Sasuke dismissed his observations, focusing on his drink, staring down at the little cup, watching as the liquor quivered. "Have you slept with anyone before?"


Naruto sat there, a flush on his cheeks, feeling a little awkward.

Sasuke had that grin on his face, his black eyes amused as he regarded the fox. "Seriously?"

"Shut up."

"How old are you?"

"Shut up!"

"I thought that was all you did when you were alone, aren't you always trying to pick up girls?"

"Trying." Naruto grumbled, "Key word right there."

Sasuke quirked a brow, "Oh?"

"Fine!" Naruto slammed his fist dramatically on the table, "Have you ever slept with someone?"


"What the hell!" Naruto yelled, outraged, "You make me feel like a stupid kid and you haven't slept with anyone either."

"I never said I did."

"Then why did you make fun of me about it?"

"Because you're striving to do it, I could do it, I choose not to."

"Oh, is that right?" Naruto mumbled, though it was actually probably true. Sasuke had a million girl admirers – okay, maybe not a million, but damn well close. Naruto was sure any one of them would be happy to sleep with Sasuke in a second. Stupid bastard, he had everything yet he wanted absolutely none of it.

How lame was that?

Naruto would give anything to be Sasuke.

"Can we move on?"

"You're turn then, right?"

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

Naruto stuck his tongue out, "You know damn well I have."

If not other people, Sasuke and he had shared that weird kiss long ago in their youth.

"Then drink."

Naruto took a swig of his liquor, downing the cup in a single gulp and moving to fill it up again.

One drink down.

Naruto licked his lips; a move Sasuke's keen eyes took notice of.

"Okay." Naruto breathed out a sigh, his blue eyes calculating as he looked to his friend. "Have you ever done the sexy no jutsu?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Just answer it, or do it, or whatever," Naruto rambled, "Drink or don't drink!"

Sasuke didn't move for his cup, letting his action speak for him. His dark eyes were bland as he looked to his blonde teammate. "You're an idiot. At this rate I'm going to win."


"If you pass out drunk before me, you lose and I win."

"Oh." Naruto frowned, "I didn't know that!"

"Now you do."


"You've only had one drink, it's not like it matters."

"You could win by this one drink!"

Now it was a competition.

"Don't get so bent over it."

"Hey." Naruto cut in, "Why haven't you tried the sexy no jutsu?"

"I think it's my question."

Naruto waved his hand, "No seriously, can you not do it or something?"

"Why would I bother learning such an idiotic move?" Sasuke mumbled, "It's a waste of chakra."

"You've never been curious?"

"Curious of what?"

Naruto shrugged his cheeks red.

"God, don't tell me you do it and like, look at yourself or something weird?"



Naruto's awkwardness answered for him.

"You're so weird."

"I bet you've never done it just because you can't!"

"Of course I could." Sasuke said flawlessly.

"Then do it."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "I don't have to prove anything to you."

"Because you can't." Naruto grinned.

Sasuke knew the kitsune was baiting him, he knew this was stupid and childish, but also knew Naruto wouldn't shut up about it until he did the stupid move. "You just want to see me naked."


Sasuke laughed, "Whatever." Sasuke formed the necessary symbols with his hands, closing his eyes briefly to focus the amount of chakra, and finally in a poof of smoke the Uchiha was now a woman.

A woman with a lovely oval porcelain face, plump soft pink lips, dark cat-like eyes that were shaped with the longest of lashes, her hair a blue-black that spiraled in perfect ringlet curls, and finally her body was perfectly curved and shaped – generously endowed.

Naruto blinked a long moment, staring at the Uchiha who now sat before him a naked beautiful woman.

Remember, this is Sasuke.

Your best guy friend.

Don't get any ideas.

Naruto was trying not to fall victim to his own perfected move, no matter how well Sasuke had pulled it off. He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his face from showing what he was feeling, trying to keep his cocky grin but he felt his cheeks begin to blush.

"Happy now?" Sasuke asked, her voice an even seductive tone.

"Uh, yeah, sure." Naruto couldn't help but stare at Sasuke.

The Uchiha, feeling a little weird and self-conscious folded her arms across her bare chest. She frowned, though it looked more like a pout and it got Naruto to lick his lips lustfully. Sasuke was feeling a little weird, but she enjoyed Naruto's attention, she enjoyed the look that she was getting from the fox.

Maybe there had been a little lie before.

Naruto had no passionate, deep-rooted-secret feelings for his friend.

However, Uchiha Sasuke was head over heels in love with Naruto.

Strange, right?

So, what better way to get his attention than by getting him drunk and posing as a naked woman? Sasuke knew this was not going to end well, Naruto only liked females, and pretending to be a female would only worsen her situation. Sasuke was holding out her heart and she knew that Naruto would crush it the moment he was stricken with liquor, whispering sweet words only because she was a woman.

Sasuke tried not to think about that.

Sasuke held enough pain.

Sasuke was hoping for a little happiness, even if it was only one night, even it was a false happiness flying on paper wings. "So, you're turn or mine?"

"I don't remember." Naruto admitted, trying to keep his eyes on Sasuke's face. What the hell was wrong with him? This was just a stupid technique; he should be over it by now.

"I think it was my turn."

Naruto shifted, feeling a little nervous, Sasuke's voice like silk dripping honey. "Maybe you should changed back?"


Sasuke finally had the look, the attention she had always hoped from Naruto.

No way was she changing back now.

"Do I bother you now?"


"Then why do I need to change back?" She batted her eyelashes, flexing her newfound feminine wiles.

"Because, you're distracting."

"So I do bother you?"

"You're a naked woman Sasuke, change back, it's weird." He didn't want to admit how it was making him feel, he didn't want to admit how most of his blood was now pooled between his legs.

"No." Sasuke stuck her tongue out childishly. "I refuse."


"I think it was my turn." Pointedly, she removed her arms from over her chest, leaning over the table and scooting the sake jar closer to her reach. She noticed as Naruto's eyes followed her, or rather, followed her naked chest. She licked her lips pointedly, black eyes hooded by thick lashes as she gazed up to the kitsune through her feathered bangs. "Have you ever felt horny before?"

"What the fuck?" Naruto nearly squeaked, "Sasuke! Stop acting weird!" He was thinking bad thoughts, very bad thoughts right now due to that look Sasuke had been giving him.

"Answer it." She murmured, her voice low, her lips in a seductive smile. Sasuke could get used to this, to seducing Naruto now that she actually could.

Who cares if by morning this would all be pretend.

Who cares that Naruto only liked him right now because of his newfound gender.

It didn't matter.

Sasuke's one special person was paying attention to her in the way she had always dreamed of, and that was good enough. It was more than good enough to allow her heart to be shattered in the morning, to go back to holding up appearances when the sun rose. She would live her dream, her one desire for one foolish night, and hope by morning Naruto still wanted to be her friend.

Naruto downed his drink, slamming the cup on the table and Sasuke moved to fill it in one swift motion. Sitting back the Uchiha righted her spine, allowing her smooth stomach to be seen.

Naruto's hungry blue eyes followed the smooth porcelain chest, to her navel, where he couldn't see anymore past the shadow of the table. He ran a hand nervously through his loose blonde hair, feeling the warmth of liquor shocking down his spine and hazing his brain.

"Do you love someone?"

Sasuke was quiet, she didn't make a move towards her cup, trying to keep her face a perfect mask, but it was hard now. Naruto hit a nerve, momentarily ripping her out of her little dream world. Without a word she moved to her cup, drinking the first warmth of sake, slowly filling the cup back up, knowing Naruto was watching her, but she didn't look at him this time.

Sasuke was hopelessly in love…

"Do you love someone?" Two could play this game.

But, nothing happened.

Naruto did not reach for his cup, his eyes on Sasuke's curious black ones.

Naruto held no one in his heart, and for some reason it made Sasuke sad.

What had she been hoping for?

Naruto to secretly like her too?

Sasuke knew that would never have happened, they were both men, and everyone knew Naruto loved women. Sasuke should at least be grateful he didn't hold anyone dear, that they could still be friends and that Naruto didn't have any outside attachments.

Though, Sasuke was having trouble looking on the bright side.


It had been over an hour, many pointless questions later, and Naruto had finally hit the point of no return. He was on Sasuke's side of the table, an arm around the girl's petite shoulders, holding her softness to his bare chest.

Sasuke had only downed a few drinks, she was feeling a pleasant buzz, but she was nowhere near drunk. She continued to smile and play with Naruto's larger hands, keeping the man's attention.

"Have I told you how pretty you are?" Naruto slurred, nuzzling the side of Sasuke's head.

Sasuke leaned into Naruto's chest, holding the man's arms around her shoulders, across her chest. She felt Naruto's breath on her ear, felt his tongue as it followed the curve of her neck. Sasuke closed her eyes, breathing in Naruto's scent, falling victim as the kitsune began to run his rough fingers across her chest and sides.

"Are we not playing anymore?"

"Playing?" Naruto asked, a little confused as he nibbled on Sasuke's ear.

Sasuke shivered from the contact of Naruto's teeth, trying to keep her mind even, but it was becoming difficult. Sasuke closed her eyes, knowing this was going to be a bad idea in the morning. But, right now it felt so damn good. "Our game."

"I think this is more fun." His voice was low, a purr running through his throat as he kissed the side of Sasuke's face.

Sasuke's skin felt on fire, goose bumps popping up across her flesh. She had longed for Naruto to touch her this way, to want her this badly. But, Sasuke would have hoped it would have been for who she really was, not for this illusion of chakra.

But, Sasuke wasn't going to stop him now.

She couldn't.

Her heart was soaring, she was feeling loved for the first time in god knows how long, and she wasn't going to end her pretty fairy tale just because of technicalities. She tilted her head back on Naruto's shoulders, her soft lips finding Naruto's in a tentative embrace.

"We've kissed once." She whispered against Naruto's smooth lips.

"Twice." Naruto corrected, his blue eyes half-open, looking down at his prize.

Sasuke wondered if Naruto even remembered who she really was, or if he was counting just then when he kissed her head and now her lips. Sasuke had no idea if Naruto even knew where he was, or what was really going on. The sake had clouded his pretty blue eyes, and Sasuke wondered what reality Naruto was in right now.

The Uchiha continued to look up into Naruto's blue eyes, her lips parted, her body exposed. Naruto's hands drifted along his torso, his fingers running experimentally over the soft nipples that were beginning to harden.

"Let's go somewhere else?"

Sasuke felt his heart hitch in his throat. "Somewhere else?"

"Come with me." He smirked, a double meaning to his words as he swooped up the small girl in his arms.

Sasuke didn't have time to react as Naruto scooped him up, walked down the hall to his bedroom. Sasuke felt nervous, half-wondering if Naruto would remember where he was; remember that Sasuke was Sasuke and not some chick he found at the bar. But, when they entered the room and Naruto coaxed her down on the bed, Naruto didn't show any signs of recognition.

Naruto positioned himself over the woman; his hands on either side of her head, Sasuke sprawled out submissively under her secret love. Her hair a cloak behind her body, creating a beautiful contrast against her white skin and the orange sheets.

"Have you done this before?" Naruto asked, making a move to remove his last pieces of clothing, leaving himself as exposed as she was.

Sasuke blushed, her curious eyes following Naruto's toned frame, over his hips, and finally to the center of his legs. She drank in the lovely sight of him, all of him, burning it to her memory, knowing this would probably be the only time she would ever see Naruto like this.

"No." Sasuke murmured, knowing they had covered this earlier, but she also knew Naruto probably didn't remember a thing from earlier, didn't remember that Sasuke had transformed into a woman and now he was getting ready to fuck his best friend.

"I'll tell you a secret." Naruto whispered in her ear, licking the shell of it, smiling as she quivered under him. "I haven't either; this will be fun together, right?"

Sasuke closed her eyes as Naruto's hands wandered over her hips and thighs. Sasuke felt Naruto's hardness on her wet center, not yet pushing himself in, but the pressure was still there.


Naruto nuzzled the side of her neck, leaving kissing on her exposed skin, trailing down her collarbone with his tongue. When Sasuke moaned, Naruto's skin tingled, he grinned into her neck.

"Now I'll have a story for Sasuke tomorrow."

Sasuke tried not to think about what Naruto had just said.

This was her pretty illusion.

Her glass heart on paper wings.

By morning her life would be over, but at least for once she could say she really lived.


Okay! I finally decided to put this idea to paper. I wanted to write a long chapter fic with substance for once, and this has drama/angst/and mild humor to come. This was going to be a fun one, with for a while one-sided Sasuke love.

Tell me what you think and I'll try to write more when I can. Thanks!