A/N: (Rises from dead) I'm back! And with a new one shot, written for the first time on my brand-spankin'-new laptop, whom I have affectionately named Benji. So far, he's working like a fiend. I love him.
On another note, I've found it really hard too fall back into character with these two after such a long hiatus. This might be a little rusty, dialogue wise, but bear with me. I'm still getting back into the groove of things.
"'C'mon….just one piece?"
"A bite then, a forkful. You won't regret it."
Seeley Booth gave Brennan a petulant look, digging his fork into a plateful of baked good. His eyes never left hers, even as he chewed semi-thoughtfully on the confection.
"Why do you never have a piece of pie when I offer it to you?"
"Because. Pie is unhealthy." She answered simply "Just think about how many calories you're consuming in that one bite of synthetic apples and cinnamon. Clogging your arteries….bringing you closer and closer to an early grave…"
"Goddamnit." He slammed his utensil down loudly, causing the smattering of diner patrons to glance in the direction of their table. Brennan either didn't notice the trill of attention suddenly focused their way, or didn't care. "Why do you have to be such a pessimist?"
"I'm not a pessimist. I'm just watching out for your health."
"In the most pessimistic way possible!"
"If that's what it takes for you to start being more aware, then so be it…"
"I'm aware!" He scoffed indignantly, brandishing his crumb-glazed fork in her face with menace "I'm more aware than you, at least!"
"Ah!" He adapted a look of half-crazed assurance, the one that always meant Brennan had backed herself into a corner. "I don't see you spending entire days out on the field, chasing baddies, making this country a safer place for-"
"I'm not out on the field," She interrupted, glaring daggers "because you won't give me a gun."
"I won't give you a gun," Booth imitated her tone of voice with childish relish, something Bones supposed he picked up from his weekends with Parker. "because you shot somebody!"
"Yes. Somebody who tried to light me on fire."
"The fact stands, Bones!"
"Hey! At least I don't spend every day trying to seduce my partner with…with…apple pie."
Then there was silence. Silence so great that it filled canyons, transcended cotenants, and caused Bessie the waitress to spill coffee all over a patron's lap. As the man howled in pain and franticly wiped at the wet spot with a paper towel, two partners stared at each other.
And for a long time, that's all they did.
"I do not," Booth managed finally, after a few awkward moments of eye contact "try to seduce you with pie."
"Dr. Sweets says you do." Sniffed Brennan, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Dr. Sweets still plays 'Show me yours and I'll show you mine' on the playground, Bones."
"I don't know what that means."
"Of course you don't." He murmured under his breath, giving a forlorn headshake "But that's not the point."
"Then what is?"
"The point is I do not, under any circumstances, try to seduce you with pie."
"Is that a fact?" She commented smugly.
"It is." He gritted out.
"Because, I think Dr. Sweets may be onto something here." She leaned forward slightly "Just think about it. In most modern civilizations, men court women by giving them gifts, or attempting to share their interests…."
"Oh. So I'm courting you now. I'm trying to bed you with a little slice of home-baked seduction."
"Please, Booth." She grimaced, poking the lump of crust and fillings on his plate with her spoon. "That is many, many things. Home baked is not one of them."
"Regardless. When-" She raised an inquisitive eyebrow "-and if I ever try to seduce you, it will not be with pie. I'm much more of a gentleman than that."
"Ah," She leaned back against her chair easily "So you'll be taking the custard route, then."
"'Ol Faithful." He quipped with a grin. Brennan couldn't help but let out a very unladylike snort.
"But really. What is your definition of 'gentlemanly seduction'?"
"I dunno," He shrugged, munching slowly and looking at the ceiling. "candles, I suppose. A fancy dinner. I'll take off the batman sheets Parker gave me for Christmas…"
"a little bit of music…"
"Woah. Music is where I draw the line."
"What?" He was broken out of his revier. "What do you mean?"
"I mean it. And no candles, either."
"What? You don't like candles when you're having sex?"
"No. Way to cheesy."
"Would you rather the lights be on?"
"Of course not!"
"You're kidding. I suppose you want a sheet with a hole cut in it, too."
"Calling me Amish is not helping this whole seduction business."
"Well So-rry." He paused for a moment, forkful of pie halfway to his mouth before something dawned on him. "Wait a second! Who says I'm seducing you?"
Brennan smiled and went back to her salad.