But what if I'm... Something else?

AN: Since it was requested in a review for my other story 'My Mitsukai', I'm writing a KuzuxHidan. They're one of my favorite pairings, anyway! Warning: Rated for language, blood, gore, slash, and yaoi sex. If you don't like any of those things in the warning, don't read this. By the way, if this is OOC, I'm sorry. And all of the Akatsuki are still alive. I am one of the eternal-characters-never-die believers! Woohoo!

I do not own Naruto or any of his friends/enemies/aquaintances. Just so you know.

A note about another authoress who i practically owe this whole story to: Lychenne Laki is an amazing writer on fanfiction who has written more than a few KakuzuxHidan fics and her writing inspired me and gave me the background for this story! I can't thank her enough!

So without further rambling from the authoress, enjoy the fic!

Kakuzu and Hidan had just returned from a bounty mission and the stitched-nin was very tired. Hidan on the other hand, has something else in mind.

"Lets just go to bed." Kakuzu said, tiredness coating his voice.

Seated in a chair, Hidan shifted his gaze toward his lover who had undressed to his pants and boxers only, and then reclined on the bed- his eyes shut in false sleep. Slowly, as an idea to get what he wanted seeped into his mind, one light eyebrow gracefully rose and a smirk appeared on the Jashinist's face. He got up, throwing his cloak back towards his previous seat. As always, his chest was already bare.

He kneeled at the foot of the bed, crossing his arms and resting them on the edge of the mattress. Resting his chin on his arms, he made the poutiest puppy-dog look he could muster.

"But Kuzu-chan… What if I'm not sleepy?" He said in a cute child-like voice.

No answer.

"What if I'm… Something else?" He went on.

Kakuzu knew Hidan was doing this on purpose. He also knew he was using the puppy-dog look as well, so he didn't open his eyes to look at Hidan. It always got to him.

"Like what? Hungry?" Kakuzu beat around the bush, just playing with his lover's mind a bit.

"…In a sense." Hidan responded in a lust-filled voice.

Kakuzu rolled his closed eyes; he should have seen that one coming. Why must the zealot always do this to him? All he wanted to do was sleep, yet Hidan could almost always convince him to want something else more.

Kakuzu rolled over onto his stomach, holding the pillow over his head. 'Sleep, damnit. Sleep.'

Hidan saw this opportunity as a perfect way to get Kakuzu to give him what he wanted. The zealot lifted himself up onto the bed, straddling his koi's hips, and then bent down, running his tongue across one of the stitches on Kakuzu's back. The Jashinist felt the other shudder underneath him so he licked at another stitch, slightly pulling at it with his teeth. He heard the man underneath him let out a small noise. His dark-haired boyfriend was such a masochist sometimes…

"Was that a fucking whimper?" Hidan asked with an amused chuckle, after.

"…No." Kakuzu said in a matter of fact way attempting to claim back his pride.

"You want me to do it again?" Hidan asked in a taunting manor.

"I want you to come to bed."

"But Kuzu, I am in bed… And so are you… Just think of what we should really be doing…" Hidan loved planting ideas in his lover's mind. He knew that tainted thoughts were now running their course.

'Hidan pleading under me, screaming for what he wants. Begging… Pleading… His body under mine for me to use in which ever way I choose…' Kakuzu could feel his control slipping as more ideas and memories clouded his judgment. Most of the blood wasn't going to his mind anymore; it was mostly all headed south.

"Why do you always do this to me?" Kakuzu asked, as he bent his knees and rolled onto his back, putting Hidan down onto his back alongside him, in the tangle of limbs. Hidan crawled up over Kakuzu, getting eye level with him.

"Because I can, damnit." The priest said defiantly, with a smirk.

Kakuzu grabbed Hidan's arms, which were supporting his weight, and pulled the small man down on top of him while colliding their lips. Hidan squeaked in surprise, trying to catch himself, but failing. Kakuzu rolled on top of the priest, forcing his tongue between Hidan's lips. The other battled weakly for dominance in a pointless struggle. Kakuzu bit his koi's tongue lightly, telling him he wanted control tonight. Hidan pushed his thumbs under the waistband of Kakuzu's pants, wanting them off.

"In a hurry?" Kakuzu teased as he broke the kiss, sliding his pants and boxers off before doing the same for the Jashinist. Hidan blushed as he always did when they both were finally unclothed together. Kakuzu never really understood why Hidan shied away from being totally undressed. He was practically half nude everyday; it was his choice not to wear a shirt.

"You always blush." Kakuzu stated in a loving tone.

"Can't help it."

"Why not?"

Hidan just shrugged and ground his hips on Kuzu's. He didn't want to talk; he wanted to be fucked into submission. Kakuzu groaned at the bare friction between them. When he was just about to dive in for a kiss and grind onto Hidan more, Kakuzu saw Hidan's wide-eyed look of fear and realization.

"What?" Kakuzu asked hurriedly.

Without responding, Hidan just pushed him off and jumped out of bed in search of something.

"What??" Kakuzu repeated even more demanding. What the fuck was wrong with his zealot?

"Fucking damnit… Where the hell is it? Damnit! No… not there… Why is it not fucking there? Shit. Where the fuck did I put the damn thing?" Hidan was muttering, as he looked around the room- still naked.

"Please don't tell me you're looking for your pendant." Kakuzu finally realized.

Hidan turned around with a wild look in his eyes.

"You have it, don't you." Hidan demanded, feeling rage build up. Kakuzu knew about how important it was that he always had it around his neck.

"After killing our bounty and you passing out from blood loss, I took it out of your hands."

"Where the hell is it?"

"It's on the desk, love."

Hidan practically ran over to the desk, ceremoniously putting the sacred charm back around his neck. He then threw some boxers on and grabbed his scythe.

"Hidan. What the hell? I thought you wanted to… What the fuck are you doing?!" Kakuzu exclaimed as Hidan stabbed himself in the hand with senbon.

"I. Forgot to do. A ritual. Today." Hidan struggled to say as he winced and smiled at the pain shooting through his hand and up his arm as he thrust the tip of the needle through the wall his back was leaned up against. He started drawing the sacred circle with a triangle inside with his toes from the blood now dripping down his arm and off of his elbow.

"Oh for the sake of Kami." Kakuzu rolled his eyes. 'Hidan and his damn rituals…'

"Jashin! Damnit, Jashin. Not Kami! Kami can go screw himself! It's Jashin!" The priest exclaimed in a psychotic manner.

Then an idea sparked into the stitched-nin's mind.

"Hidan." He said as he got up and then proceeded to yank the senbon out of his lover's hand.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Hidan exclaimed, angered that someone dared interrupt his rituals.

"I have an idea."

"Can you not fucking see that I'm a bit busy for your ideas?"

"You'll really like this one." Kakuzu assured him as he sliced a two-inch cut into Hidan's side as convincing evidence.

"Ughh.." Hidan said.

"Draw a really big one."

"What?" Hidan asked in confusion.

"Draw a really big Jashin symbol." Kakuzu said, tracing an invisible circle and triangle in the air.

"Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

"Because we're both going to be in it tonight."

"Excuse me? I'm sorry," Hidan said, putting his uninjured hand up for comical effect. "Did you just offer to convert to Jashinism?"

"No. I'm helping you with yours. Just draw the damn symbol." Kakuzu ordered gesturing to the blood that was pouring from Hidan's side.

"Fine." Hidan replied, with a bewildered look still on his face. Kakuzu was getting excited and anxious to see how this would all work out.

Then when Hidan added the final stroke of the triangle, Kakuzu pushed him to the floor violently.

"Gah!" Hidan yelled, landing on his hip with a thud. "That hurt, damnit!" He barked at Kakuzu who was now on his knees, looking more animalistic and lustful than he ever had.

"I intended it to." Kakuzu said with an evil smirk. Hidan's look of confusion suddenly vanished and a glitter of excitement shown through his eyes. He had finally realized what Kakuzu meant by all of this.

"Do it." He said, now eager for the same thing Kakuzu was.

Kakuzu took out four of his black shiny tentacles and wrapped them each around one of Hidan's limbs then proceeded to pin his legs apart and down on the floor and his wrists together over his head. Hidan panted, asking for Kakuzu to kiss him... touch him... anything. Instead, the stitched-nin decide to drag a kunai from the Jashinist's throat-line to just above his waistband. Blood trickled down both sides of his chest and abdomen, making him look like a melting bloody popsicle. The Jashinist cried out for more. He pulled Hidan's boxers off, throwing them out of the floor staining design.

"M-my scythe…" Hidan reminded as he struggled to grab hold of the staff of the three bladed weapon above his head, that was just millimeters out of his bound reach. He always had to use the weapon in his massacres.

Kakuzu pushed it just out of Hidan's reach.

"Save it for last." Kakuzu remarked, pushing a kunai into Hidan's chest. Hidan screamed in response, as the stitched-nin twisted it and felt it scrape against a rib or two.

"So why aren't you turning black and white yet?" Kakuzu asked with interest as if he was just making common everyday conversation. Hidan's mind was flooded with pain and getting high off of it quickly.

Hidan just stuck his tongue out and tried to turn his head to lick a drop of blood off of his arm. A tentacle clutched his neck, tightening as to restrict his air slightly.

"I see." Kakuzu said, running his tongue in the cut from Hidan's waistline to his neck, gathering blood into his mouth. Retracting the tentacle, he then smashed his lips onto Hidan's in a bruising kiss. Some of the blood leaked into Hidan's mouth, other drops dripped from his mouth, smearing in the heated kiss. Kakuzu felt Hidan shiver lightly and when he opened his eyes, he was met with black and white brilliance, who was currently looking up at him with rage, lust, and need in his eyes.

"More. More, Kuzu. Now. More cuts and- Aughhh….. Yes! Fuck yes!" The priest exclaimed as Kakuzu added deeper slash marks to his sides and arms.

Enough of this. "Kuzu… F-fuck me already."

"Okay." Kakuzu said nonchalantly as he took blood on his hand and smeared it onto his member. With no preparation, Kakuzu thrust violently into his uke, up to the hilt. Hidan let out a heart-wrenching painful scream, feeling as if he had just been ripped in two. Kakuzu just watched as Hidan's mouth remained open in silence, after his scream died.

The pain was beyond most pain Hidan had felt before. He couldn't take the stillness and felt like it had been forever.

"Move." Hidan breathed out.

Kakuzu obliged, pulling back out and thrusting in slower, the blood making it a smooth fluent movement.

"Ohh Jashin… Again… Kuzu… A-again."

Kakuzu kept up the rhythm, but increased when Hidan pleaded enough.

"Kakuzu!… Oh Jashin… M-move! Faster! H-harder!" The priest panted out, then let out a loud cry of pleasure as the stitched-nin found his prostate, hitting it dead on.

"There. H-harder… Please… N-ahhh!" Hidan cried out, as Kakuzu hit it again, harder. Hidan struggled and squirmed against his bindings, being blinded with both pain and pleasure as Kakuzu hit his prostate again and again and the air stung his cuts and stab wounds as he squirmed about on the floor. Kakuzu then grabbed Hidan's neglected member, and started pumping in time with his thrusts. Hidan could feel his orgasm very near, but he still hadn't used his scythe.

"K-kuzu! The scythe! I'm gonna… n-now!" Kakuzu got the message, letting go of Hidan's member and grabbing the scythe. He swung it upward, then with one final orgasmic thrust, he plunged it into Hidan's chest, hearing the ribs crack and a scream pierce the air as they both reached their peak together. Blinding white flooded their vision and blood poured, staining their skin and dripping to the floor.

All that was heard after that point was heavy breathing from Kakuzu; Hidan had blacked out from blood loss after his climax. Pulling out and getting up from the bloody mess, Kakuzu pulled on his boxers- they would need to be washed anyway. He knelt, pulling out the weapons he had drove into his lover. Picking Hidan up gently, he opened the bedroom door after hanging the priest over one shoulder. Hidan returned to his pale peach skin color after being removed from the circle. 'No one is up at this hour.' Kakuzu thought, as he walked the rest of the long hallway away from their dungeon-like bedroom without dressing Hidan.

He turned the corner past the kitchen and common area to the nearest shower room. Closing the door, he was unaware of a pair of unsleeping maroon eyes sitting on the couch that had watch him carry a bloody and naked partner into the shower room. Sasori just shook his head with a slight smirk. It wasn't like he and Deidara didn't do anything relatively similar to those two...

Washing the blood from both of their bodies and out of their hair, Kakuzu wrapped a towel around each of their waists. It was so funny to be taking care of an immobile body. Hidan honestly felt like a dummy of some kind; Kakuzu had a slight feeling of what it felt like to be a puppet master. He then carried his lover back to the room, to be met with a mess of blood on the floor.

"Guess that's what I'll be cleaning tomorrow…" Kakuzu muttered, knowing the zealot would not be voluntary to help.

Putting on a clean pair of boxers and slipping another clean pair over the Jashinist's hips, he laid him down on the bed gently, looking at the peaceful expression that had taken over his lover's features. With a chaste kiss on the priest's forehead, Kakuzu snuggled down beside him into a deep peaceful sleep knowing both his, Hidan's, and this 'supposed Jashin's' wants were all fulfilled.

:--:

The next morning, Hidan woke up to find himself in bed with Kakuzu- all clean with a pair of boxers on instead of on the floor naked, lying in a bloody mess. Had he just dreamed up last night?

He sat up, and promptly saw the floor of blood puddles and scattered weaponry.

"Nope." He mumbled, lying back down. How did he get clean though?

He thought to himself, knowing that he passed out right after the climax. That was all he remembered. Then he looked over at his lover, and a smile appeared on his face. Kakuzu had taken care of him…

Then he smelled his hair.

"Ugh…" He shoved Kakuzu awake, who mumbled something that somewhat resembled "What- you want?" before opening one eye, to glare at the light-haired man.

"How many fucking times do I have to bathe with you for you to realize my shampoo is the only shampoo that goes on my hair? I love the smell of your stuff, and all but you have a completely different hair type, Kuzu!" The Jashinist rambled on, but with a loving undertone to his voice.

Kuzu just waved him off, and went back to sleep.

"I love you." Hidan whispered in his ear, before getting up and cleaning up the mess on the floor then going to the shower room to bathe and use the correct shampoo.

AN: So! In the end, Hidan did clean up. It was a repayment for Kakuzu taking care of him while he was out of it. Review please, please, please! I need your feedback!