Author's Note: This is basically VOLUME TWO! of the Weird and Wonderful Tales of the Cullens. I sort of felt like everything in the first volume was running together, and stuff was getting lost in it, plus, I really just wanted to starts something new. So I can sort of see how my writing has evolved and whatnot. :) So, I hope everyone enjoys this one just as much as the first!

Edward's "Special" Hidden Talent

An Edward and Bella Anecdote. :)

She counted the days on the calendar, and felt her stomach drop a step with each passing day. Her head throbbed and her eyes ached when she realized that she had counted a total of 14 days.

Fourteen days.

She sat on the bed tenderly, that added up to two weeks.

Which officially let her know it was probably something she should worry about.

With a flurrying motion that almost made the bile resurface into Bella's mouth, Alice Cullen was sitting beside her, her eyes sympathetic and her hands filled with tubs of ice-cream.

What a best friend.

Bella glanced at her. "I guess you know the good news then."

Alice gave her a somber half-smile. "He must have been really good for this to happen. Until now, we all thought it was impossible. Carlisle was actually speechless."

"Well," Bella allowed. "I can't honestly say I have any complaints about his performance. It really was a crowd pleaser." They laughed together.

"Not even Jasper got that far, and believe me, he's no awkward teenager when it comes to that stuff. He's more like a… stallion if you will. And his fingers are so nimble! You wouldn't know it to look at them, but they are as quick as lightening!"

Bella nodded. "You should see Edward's reflexes when he's faced with a dilemma, sometimes I blink and he's already changed positions. He wins every time."

Alice cracked open one of the canisters of ice-cream, and pulled a spoon from behind her ear. "This will make you feel better."

Bella dug in with fury. "Oh, Alice, it's the Stephen Colbert Special Edition Ben & Jerry's! Oh, I don't deserve you!" And she burst into frightening tears.

Alice patted her shoulder comfortingly. "Just calm down, Bella, just look back on Edward's accomplishments and be proud! Not everyone packs that much of a punch, if you know what I mean." She gave her a knowing wink.

"True, not everyone can get into the World Gamin Competition. And, he's in for playing Call of Duty, which just adds to the glamour of it. I guess I can live with him being gone for two weeks, if he brings a really big trophy home."

"I'm sure he will, and if he doesn't, I'm sure he'll make it up to him somehow." Alice giggled, raising her eyebrows at Bella suggestively.

"Oh, Alice, is that all you ever think about?" Bella smiled slyly.

"I meant more of this ice-cream, Bella! Is that all you ever think about?" Alice questioned sadly.

Bella took an especially large bite of waffle-ly coned deliciousness. "Well, after waiting for so long, you're basically forced to use your imagination."

Alice nodded her head. "Sometimes it's like that even after you've stopped waiting, but that's a whole different story."

Author's Note:

Ah, I felt like writing something a little raunchy, I just spent the whole day watching That 70's Show and reading Twilight… When I hit about Season Five and started New Moon for the third time in a week, it all started to run together. I actually imagined Edward Cullen running naked through a presidential rally yelling "Wee-wee, Pee-pee!'

Not a sight I was fighting to get out of my head, if you know what I mean. :)

Plus, I am really tired of seeing all the "Edward/Bella are preggers!" stories, and this is me making fun of them all, in a nice, polite way the you will laugh at even while I am severely burning you. That's how I work. I make the humiliation pleasurable. :)

EDIT: (8/8/08) Oh, crap. I just majorly stuck my foot in my mouth. Hee-hee. Yay for Pregnant Bella!