AN: A random idea came into my mind and this story was written. If you're thinking this is anti-martha, well it isn't. I've decided to be nice. Well, nice-ish. WEll, I suppose it's not exactly nice but it's not mean either...not really. Ok, tell me what you think.
"Why can it never be me?"
The question broke into the happy atmosphere that had been around only moments ago. It pressed down, casting a shadow over the Doctor. He knew what those words were referring to but he didn't want to talk about that subject so he tried to change it.
"Martha, what are you on about?" She was about to open her mouth to explain but he interrupted once again, trying to make her talk about something else. Rambling always helped, "You know if this is about me not letting you drive the Tardis then fine but I'm not going to. I don't let my companions drive the Tardis," That was a lie, he had let Rose. They had went to Barcelona," Or if this is about you wanting me to dance with you at that Squizolking Ball, then I'm sorry but I don't dance," Another lie, "Or if this is about – "
"Shut up!" she screamed at him, "Just shut up!"
The Doctor looked up, astonished. Had she just told him to shut up? "Martha…"
"No, I don't want to hear it. You know what I'm on about so stop trying to change the subject. Why won't you answer my question? Why can it never be me?"
Anger spread through his body and into his hearts, "Martha, you want to know why I won't answer your question, " She nodded, "Because I don't want to talk about this. I'm sorry. I really am but I just don't like you in that way. And…and if you don't like that, if you can't handle being my friend and only my friend then I'm sorry but I'll take you home."
Silence fell over them and for a moment the Doctor thought she was going to comply with his request but he was wrong.
"You felt that way about her?" It was a simple statement, an uneasy question but it caused the Doctor to grow angry instantly. It wasn't her place to ask questions about his past, about how he felt, about the people he lo-
The people he lost.
"Martha, I am giving you one last warning. Stop prying into my personal life. It is my past! My feelings! Not yours! I want to keep it that way so stop it…just stop it!"
"But she left you…"
"NO! SHE DIDN'T…" His gaze intensified and Martha felt her legs go to jelly, fear bubbled in her stomach. His voice was low and deadly as he continued, "Martha, don't pry into what you don't understand."
How could she possibly understand anything about him and Rose? She would have never left him. Not willingly at least. She had promised him forever, but she was dragged away screaming for her life. He closed his eyes willing the memory to bury itself again. This wasn't the time to think about it.
"Then tell me what happened to her?"
"No…" He turned his back on her. He couldn't talk about this, the wound was too fresh, the grief still overpowering and Martha wouldn't stop trying to tear off the Band-Aid that he didn't want to be touched. He moved to the time rotor, his finger pressing buttons, "Let's get you back home then."
Martha eyebrows raised in surprise, "What?"
"You're going home Martha. It's time. You've travelled with me for too long. It was only meant to be one trip anyway and…" He paused, looking at his feet, "I'd rather be on my own…"
And for once, he knew it to be true. At least for this moment in time, all he wanted to do was to be on his own. He knew one day the loneliness would get to him, but that seemed a long way off. Maybe he would come and get Martha when he was finished being tired of being alone or maybe he would get someone new but either way it was time to embrace being alone…at least for a little while.
"Look I'm sorry. I just wanted to know about her. That's all."
"No you didn't. Martha, the first thing you asked wasn't about Rose. It was about the way I felt about you…And Martha you have feelings for me that I can't return and I'm sorry. I really am because you were brilliant. You really were, but it's time for you to go back to be a doctor. A proper doctor. It's what you've been waiting for, isn't it?" The Tardis landed, creating a small shake but both occupants remained standing, despite it. The Doctor nodded towards the door, "So go and have a fantastic life, Martha Jones."
Martha gave him one last look, sadness and hurt so fresh in her mind but she willed the tears to stay hidden. Before she reached the door, she turned and looked at him, "Would you rather be on your own?"
The Doctor nodded whispering a truthful, "Yes…"
And it broke her heart, "But even with me here, your practically alone anyway. You never let me in. One minute you can be rambling on about some aliens that look like they are dogs with no noses and suddenly you go all quiet…you just forget about me. Forget I'm there completely and when I ask you what's wrong then it's like the question was never asked in the first place."
"Barcelona…" The Doctor whispered to himself. He had always promised Rose he would take them there but he had never got round to it. Always said, 'We've got all the time in the universe to go see Barcelona, let's visit here first.'How wrong he was? They didn't have all the time in the universe and he had ended up wasting what little time he did have with her. They could have visited so many brilliant planets…
"You see. You just did it again! You ignored me. You're probably thinking about her again because you always look like that when you're talking about her but you never tell me what happened."
He looked up at her and gave a small smile. And just as she thought she was getting through to him, he bowed his head guiltily. And she knew the words were coming before he had even muttered them. He raised his head and said those fatal words, "Goodbye Martha Jones…"
And she was gone, slamming the door behind her, leaving the lonely god to grieve by himself.
AN: I was thinking of continuing this on with the Doctor travelling by himself for a while , but I might just leave it as a oneshot. Tell me what you think.