Could Mai and Naru ever have a normal relationship? I seriously think not.

Which is why they need couples therapy.

(This indicates Kaori's thoughts.)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Kaori Minami.

A downtown office...somewhere in Shibuya.

Kaori Minami had just finished organizing her desk.
Today was the her life long dream became true. She had finally opened her relationship counselling practice, her leaflets had been distributed, and she was staring anxiously at the phone, waiting for the couples to come flocking.

3 hours later.

Where were all the troubled couples?

3 more hours later.

She stared sadly at her 3 foot high tower of cards, the one she had spent the last three hours building. Resigned to the fact that she probably wouldn't be making any money today she started to pack up her stuff, when suddenly, the phone rang. She grabbed it urgently, knocking over her card tower.

"Hello, Kaori Minami's Practice, how can I help? You want to book and appointment for tomorrow at 10am, hmm let me see if anything's available" She put the receiver next to some papers she was rustling "Oh your in luck, we've had a cancellation, we'll see you tomorrow at 10 then, Bye!"

Once she had hung up the phone she did her patented 'Happy Dance' for a few moments before deciding to pick up the cards, whistling happily.


Kaori tapped her pencil on her desk as she waited for her first - and only - appointment of the day to show up. She was about to have a swig of her coffee when the door to her office opened, and in walked a petite brown haired girl around 18. The girl was the epitome of cuteness, she had to admit, with slightly wavy hair to her shoulders and massive brown eyes.
"Ah! You must be Miss Taniyama!"
She smiled brightly and held out her hand. "Hi! Nice to meet you! I'm Mai!"
"Kaori Minami." Kaori nodded, and Mai gave her a 'well duh' look for a split second. "Will your partner be joining us?"
Mai looked behind her with a confused expression which soon turned to rage as she stalked out the door way and onto the street, seeing a figure in black dissapearing hastily down the road...
After getting over the shock that such a loud voice could come from someone that small, Kaori watched from her window as Mai cornered 'Oliver', dragging him back to the office by his ear.
'He's beautiful!' Was the first thought Kaori had, watching as the male hooked himself onto the door way and refused to let go. 'What is it about guys and therapy?'
Finally, with suprising strength, Mai had managed to tear Naru - as Mai had called him - away from what he obviously believed to be his one hope of salvation and into a chair.
However as soon as Mai sat down, Naru jumped up again but before he could get far, Mai had grabbed the back of his shirt.
"Sit." She growled and he sat down with a 'I so do not want to be here' look on his handsome face.
"Why did we have to come again?"
"Because..." Mai managed to say through gritted teeth. "It's a good idea."
"My ass..." Naru muttered.
"Is very nice..." Kaori remarked absentmindedly.
Seeing the frowning girlfriend - and remembering how she had managed to drag her boyfriend down the street - made Kaori jump and smile politely.
"I said it's very nice to meet you!" She held out her hand to Naru who shook it absent mindedly, still pouting in his chair. (Mhhh, strong hands...)
At Mai's cough, Kaori quickly let go and smiled.
"So! What brings you to couples therapy?"
"Well, me and my boyfriend-" Here she stressed the word purposely. (Geez, possessive much?) "Are having some problems."
"Okay...well what are these problems exactly?"
"Well..." She licked her dry lips. "We have a rather...unique and stressful profession-"
"Understatement of the year." Naru muttered but shut up after a well aimed kick in the shin, a gift from his loving girl friend.
"What exactly do you do?"
"We're Ghost Hunters." Naru stated, smirking at the shocked and slightly disbelieving look on Kaori's face.
"Oh...kay! Continue then!"
"Well, due to this job, we often fight." Mai sighed, blowing hair away from her face. "Not just about work though! About almost everything! We've broken up 4-"
"Right, thanks, five times in the past 2 weeks!"
"And how did you meet?"
"She broke my assistants ankle."
"I told you! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" She pouted. "Then he blackmailed me into working for him by claiming I needed to repay him for a camera that was broken in the ACCIDENT! But I later found out it was insured and I didn't need to work it off!"
"And what exactly do you do whilst...Ghost Hunting?"
"Hunt Ghosts." They dead panned.
"Oh...of course!" Kaori giggled stupidly - being in the presence of godlike beauty does that to a person - then went back to being the epitome of professionalism. Y'know, fancy words, filing documents, flirting with the clients ect. "And, what else effects your relationship? Why do you think that you fight so much?"
"Weeeeellll..." Mai took a deep breath. "For the first two years I knew him he lied to me about who he really was. He claimed to be Kazuya Shibuya but is actually the famous psychic, Oliver Davis. He's narcassitic, always looks like he's going to a funeral, repeatedly insults my intelligence, always sends me off on my own when we're on a case then blames me for getting attacked because according to him I have a neon sign saying 'Rent-A-Victim' above my head and treats me like a slave."
Kaori raised her eye brows. All of that in one breath?
"Oh, and he's jelous of my relationship with his twin brother."
(A twin? Yummy.)
"Well how do you expect me to react since you're always dreaming of my brother!"
"It's not exactly my fault! I can't help it!"
"Well, I just find it odd that he only speaks to you Mai! After all, not even Masako-"
"Oh ofcourse she comes into our couple therapy!"
"Mai! For the last time! She was BLACKMAILING ME!"
"Well you were blackmailing me as well! Maybe you make the perfect couple!" She had turned her body slightly away from Naru, giving off serious 'I'm pissed worse than Ayako with PMS' vibes.
"At least I don't dream about her!"
"Yes." Naru looked at her with an exasperated look, as if she should know this already. "He's Mai's 'Spirit Guide'!" He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
"I can't help it if I'm psychic Naru! Just like I can't help it if Gene's my Spirit Guide!"
Deciding the smartest thing to do would be to ignore the last part of the argument, Kaori quickly moved on. "Well, let's try an exercise, shall we?" She handed them each a piece of paper and a pencil. "I want you to honestly, write down five things you don't like about each other."
While they were writing, Kaori passed the time by drawing a picture of Naru for her...personal collection. Seeing as she couldn't think of a good reason for taking a Polaroid, she thanked god for her brilliant art skills. Mai, who had finished writing her 5 reasons put her piece of paper down and seeing as Naru still hadn't finished yet, she killed a little time by watching Kaori, who kept glancing at Naru and then back down at her paper. Wondering what she was concentrating so hard on, Mai slyly moved behind Marsha, her eyes opening wide when she saw what the therapist was doing.

Kaori jumped around 5 feet in the air at the shout and looked up to see one very pissed girlfriend. Deciding the best action to take would be to run, Kaori sprinted from behind her desk as the tiny brunette chased her, holding a pencil as her weapon, threatening to jam it into Kaori's eye.
Naru, who was ignoring the fight, lent over the desk to see what had set his sweet, kind and altogether calm girlfriend off.
Picking up the drawing he nodded. "I always forget how good looking I am."
Deciding it was about time to help the therapist, who had dived under her desk in hopes of hiding from his adorable, yet slightly crazy girlfriend, he stood up. But soon paused when he saw Mai's list.
Both women in the room stopped and shivered at the possitively evil aura coming off of Naru.
He turned accusingly to Mai.
"You think I'm a jerk!"
"Only...sometimes?" Mai replied meekly.
"Oh of course! I'm not sweet and sensative like Gene!"
"Well atleast he talks to me like I'm a real person!!"
"Lin was right!" Naru growled. "Relationships are a waste of time!"
"Oh, great, take advice from the guy who can't even be in the same ROOM as Madoka without turning scarlet and stuttering!"
Kaori watched in intrest as Naru quickly moved a chair infront of him, hoping to stop the onslaught of his girlfriends rage.
"That's it!" Mai screamed, heading towards the door. "We are SO over!"
"Fine by me!"
Kaori, deciding that it wouldn't be a good idea for her first clients to leave after having broken up - plus she hadn't got paid yet - stopped them both with a frantic wave of two more pieces of paper.
"Wait!" She squeeled desperatly and the pair turned to her with equally scary glares.
Coughing slightly in fear she continued. "That exercise was only the first part! Now, although to break up due to the negative points, you always get back together so there must be good point aswell! So now I want you to write 5 good points about each other!"
Both of them grabbed the paper and sat down moodily, scribbling on it whilst shooting each other death glares.
Once done, Kaori switched the pieces of paper over. The mood instanly changed.
"You think I'm beautiful!" They both asked each other at the same time.
"Aw! You said I always make you smile!" Mai said happily.
"Well..." Naru shifted uncomfortably, a slight blush on his cheeks. "You wrote that too..."
Both suddenly looked very loved up. As they stood up and kissed, Kaori blew on her fingernails. (Oh yeah, I'm good.)
After a few moments, she noticed that neither had broken away yet and looked like they had no intention of doing so either.
Instead of a reply, she watching in horror as Naru used one hand to sweep everything off her desk and lifted Mai on top of it, laying her down.
"I just tidied that!" She exclaimed. "Will you two stop groaping on my desk!" Once again, the ignored her. "I'm going to have to charge you extra for having sex on my desk!" She warned, praying they were broke.
Naru simply slipped a hand into his pocket and pulled out a wad of notes, slamming them on the desk then motioning her away, all without removing his mouth from Mai's.
"Oh whatever." Kaori muttered. "Time for my lunch break anyway!" She picked up her coat and bag, stalking across to the door, slamming it shut, only after taking a few polaroid pictures.
Oh yes. These were definatly going into her personal collection.