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FATHERS OF THE YEAR
"Look, Malfoy, don't you think enough is enough? Our children are inseparable, my godson is your cousin…shouldn't we call a truce?"
"So you've had enough, have you? Should have known the Great Harry Potter would give up in the end!"
"…sod it. It's on, Malfoy. It is on."
"Dad! Mister Malfoy gave me a broom just like Scorpius'—it's a custom job, Dad, and look, he got snakes painted all along it, they even move, see, and it's even better than Mum's broom, Scorpius says!"
"Bought you a broom, did he? Oh, I'm not going down that easily, the great git."
"What? Oh. That's nice, Al. Don't forget to write a thank-you note. Is Scorpius still coming over tomorrow?"
"Father! Father, Mister Potter took me'n Al--"
"Albus and I."
"No, it's Al and me, that's what Rose's mum says, and she's always right--"
"Oh dear Merlin, not you, too..."
"She is, though. It's a bit scary. Anyway, Mister Potter took us to the Tornados and Harpies match and afterwards he brought us over to meet the teams and he got me a broom with all their signatures on and a full set of official Quidditch robes from each team and--"
"Did he. Did he indeed."
"Father? You look kind of…odd. Why is your eye twitching?"
"Albus Severus is coming over tomorrow, yes?"
"Dad! Dad, Mister Malfoy took me'n Scorpius to see a real live griffin herd, and we got to pet a couple of the babies, and some idiot poked one of the adults and there was blood everywhere and it was so cool!"
"Father! Mister Potter took Al and me to a dragon preserve, and Al's uncle let us fly around with a couple dragons, and one of them tried to eat the other! It was amazing!"
"Dad, Dad, guess what? Mister Malfoy bought me a snake."
"He--oh. Oh, that does it."
"Dad, are you all right? You're kind of…vibrating."
"Father! Mister Potter bought me a thestral!"
"He did what?"
"It's in the gardens. I think it ate the peacocks."
"I think that might be best, really—Al, what's wrong?"
"Scorpius—" sniff "—says Mister Malfoy told him you were a big rude scarred peasant with an Oedipal Complex."
"I never did!"
"So I told Scorpius that you said Mister Malfoy was a twitchy, pointy-faced, balding layabout, and now he won't talk to me."
"Is that so, Potter."
"You're the one who--"
"That's no excuse, you basta--"
"That was close, Al. Too close."
"Yes, well, truce diverted for now."
"Good show--for a second I really thought you were about to cry. It was a bit over the top, though. I mean, Oedipal Complex? Really?"
"Sounds like something your dad'd say, you have to admit. He's dramatic that way."
"Suppose. So what d'you think they'll get us next?"