Chapter 1: Blackout
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she chanted under her breath.
She needed to remain calm and act normal. On the outside, she seemed like the normal dark and gloomy titan that everyone knew, but on the inside…
She was broken.
A shattered porcelain doll.
A fraction of the person she once was.
Her eyes were closed but she could sense everything around her. The books scattered on the bedroom floor, the candles flickering in a circle around her. She was sitting cross-legged in the middle of her floor. If she could hold her concentration she would be levitating, but that wasn't easy to do.
Her body was still recovering from the nightmare. All around her candles flickered in the darkness giving little illumination. Every so often she felt a shadow creeping upon her, but she refused to open her eyes. She knew she was alone, she had to believe that or her mind would take her back to that place. She cracked one eyelid open to gaze at her surroundings. Yes, she was still alone.
"Breathe Raven, inhale... exhale," she said aloud.
A mind was a dangerous thing when you let it wander and Raven's mind was on unstable ground. How did she let this happen? This thing wasn't supposed to happen, it should never happen and she had fallen victim. All she could think was 'why' but that answer would never reveal itself to her.
"Concentrate, Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she chanted again.
Finally, her body was slowly starting lift off the floor, but then a knock at the door broke her concentration and she fell. Her eyes snapped open as she froze on the ground. A silent scream caught in her throat as she sat there in terror until a frail voice called to her beyond the door.
"Rae? Can I talk to you?"
She tried to reply, but she knew her words would not come out. Slowly she eased herself up and tried to regain her composure. She reached out her arm to summon her cloak and then swiftly put it on making sure her hood hid her eyes before she made her way to the door. She took in a deep breath and made sure her face was a void mask of emotions before opening the door.
On the other side of the door stood Beast Boy who was brave enough to knock, but now looked sheepish and unsure of his actions.
"What?" She asked when she found her voice.
He swallowed and refused to meet her eyes, but spoke, "I was just coming to see if you were okay, you haven't been yourself since our fight with Slade a few days ago."
For a split second the mask she had carefully crafted faltered and she felt like he could see straight through to her core. What had she done wrong? She had acted like she always had at least she thought so, but here was Beast Boy crawling to her door.
"I'm fine," she deadpanned.
He gave a weak and timid smile, but he finally looked her in the eyes, "Okay, but just know that you can talk to me if you need to," he said trying to reassure her.
A small smile graced her features, but as soon as it did she shook her head. She had to keep her composure, no one could find out, no one could ever know.
"I already told you I'm fine." The words came out harsh.
"Alright Rae, I was just making sure." Beast Boy said tensing up a bit before turning away and sulking down the hallway.
Raven watched his retreating form until he turned down the corridor. Her heart started pounding as she turned back and shut the door. She slumped down onto the floor and grasped her head in her hands. She was dizzy and her hands felt clammy against her skin.
"Come on, get a hold of yourself. He doesn't know," she said trying to reassure herself. "There's no way he can know."
Deep down she knew he didn't know what had happened, but he knew something was wrong and that was unsettling. All it took was for him to start looking for answers and asking the right questions. He couldn't find out. She wouldn't him or anyone to ever find out. If they did... she didn't even want to think about what would happen. They would see her as a liability, a weakness.
She was Raven.
She would be okay.
She hoped so at least.
The events of the previous week haunted her mind and she desperately tried to forget them. She shook her head and stood up, but then immediately fell to the ground. Black spots clouded her vision and made the candles dance eerily before her eyes. She slumped against the floor and tried to regain her composure, but darkness was tugging at her mind. Her last vivid thought before she succumbed to the night was a masked one-eyed monster.