Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, Twilight or anything else you recognise
Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, Twilight, Doraemon or anything else you recognise. But I am the proud owner of two red pens and one blue one.
Ummm… everyone's really OOC.
This story is dedicated to my friend Erin the Rapist and Jennifer the … um…. Asian-gangsta-wanna-be rapist? Yeah that works.
Those who know me might find this story/conversation familiar. LOL.
I walked out of my class and down to the hallway to the grassy spot near the fence where I normally sat with my weird friends for lunch.
Yeah I know what you thinking. The Maximum Ride, at school? Yeah well after a heated debate with my mum (A/N: I'm sorry, but no way am I writing mom, it's just so… yucky…WOW what a vocab I have. LOL) with Fang and Iggy taking my side, saying things like
"But it's too late for us to have an education!"
"Damn it! We've been in a place called school before and that didn't exactly work out so well now didn't!" and,
"Damn it! I'm blind for crying out loud!"
The younger kids were ecstatic about going to school so it was three against four, but it would have been four all if Total had been able to vote. I mean the dog's not going to want the hand that feeds it to be away for like six hours a day. Five days a week. It was too much for the poor dog having my mum telling him his vote doesn't count because he's a dog and therefore not counted, it was a pretty stupid argument actually.
I arrived at the grassy spot to see my creepy friend Edward already had already made it there sitting in the ground, leaning against the fence with Bella in his lap.
(A/N: Yes we sit on the ground to eat lunch where I cone from. Even when it's cold. -sniffles- )
"Hey Bella, Eddie." I greeted them.
"Hey" they replied. I sat down and opened my school bag that was filled with so much food that opening and closing the zipper was difficult.
"Jesus! How much food do you need Max?!" exclaimed Mike after sat down. "I have never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER seen someone eat that much food. EVER!"
"Meh," was my fantastic reply when Fang and Iggy finally joined us. We all started all started eating and munching on our food with the exception of Edward. Poor Mike was the only one on the dark on that, thinking he was trying to be anorexic like those stupid pop stars. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost, but not quite.
"DAMN IT MIKE!" we all turned out head to Iggy's sudden outburst. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Huh?" squeaked Mike whose mouth had probably whole Snickers Bar in it. "What'd I do?" he whimpered.
"YOU MADE IT COLD!" Iggy said chattering his teeth and we all burst out laughing. By this time Mike had finished his mouthful of Snickers to reply.
"How is it my fault?" he said eyed wide with innocence and confusion.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IMPORT!" came Iggy's reply and we laughed harder.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IMPORT!" came Iggy's reply and we laughed harder. I was practically rolling on the floor with tears running down my eyes. And this is ME talking. Fang! For crying out loud!
"What's an import?" whispered Mike to me.
"An import is YOU, Mike. YOU'RE an import!" I said breaking out in laughter again. Mike was looking around with genuine confusion when someone decided to be nice and explain to him.
"You, Mike. Are an import." Said Edward and Mike still had a look of confusion on his face. "Import means to bring something from an outside source or place, in this case it is you that is the import from another country. Do you understand?"
"But what about you guys?" Mike whined.
"I'm from Chicago." Said Edward raising his hand.
"Forks, so 100 American." Giggled Bella
"Arizona." Said Max when Mike turned his eyes around in desperation. (A/N: I don't really know where they were born and I'm terrible with American states)
"LA." Iggy and I said grinning then high-hived. (A/N: Sorry peoples, inside joke. PM me if you want the story. LOL)
I almost felt sorry for the poor guy being ganged up like that. Almost, but not quite. Well everyone was quietening down so I figured we were done. I was wrong.
"Hey! How's ma peeps?" Doraemon shouted, putting an arm around Mike as he sat down. (A/N: LOL I know, I needed a weird name. But to make it fun keep his looks, those who don't know him um… just look it up on Google. Ok, on with the story.)
"H-h-hey Doraemon." Mike said, looking nervously at the arm around him.
"So what'cha talkin' 'bout? " Asked Doraemon pulling Mike closer. Man is it fun watching him squirm thought Doraemon and I couldn't agree more. (A/N: For those who haven't read Twilight, Edward can read minds. Ok enough with the A/N's. On with the story. LOL)
"We were just talking about exotic places where people come from. Well… that was until you came along." Bella said, from my lap.
"Well, I'll give you exotic." Doraemon boomed, pulling a superman pose. "Me." He said simply and we burst into another round of laughter. "I mean look at me. I'm Japanese and I have an awesome name."
(A/N: OK I'm really sick of doing peoples' POV's so now I'm doing third person, ok? …Damn it… that just sounded dirty. LOL)
"Yeah sure it is." Mike said, rolling his eyes.
"Mike," Bella said sternly, "don't be mean just because you're jealous." She turned to Doraemon, "I personally think it's a nice name."
"Thank you, Bella" Doraemon said to Bella, then turning to mike to stick his tongue out at him.
"Well, sure it's a nice name," Mike retorted. "But I'm a white Westerner. No way in hell would name my white and not Japanese kid Doraemon."
"Who said your kid would be white!" Iggy retorted.
"Oh my gosh!" Bella said, and all heads turned to her. "I don't want to be racist or anything, but I've noticed that people kinda go out with people their race or colour. I mean look at me and Edward, we're as pale and white as they get. And Max and Fang, the both of you are Hispanic."
"Yeah, and Iggy's new girlfriend is just as pale as him too." Max said, then turned to Mike and Doraemon. "I mean, you're blue for crying out loud!" She gestured to Doraemon then looked Mike in the eye, "And you're a Pom! I mean, Pom's are cool and all, but you don't even have that accent that actually makes them cool! I'm sorry."
"But what if I did have a white kid?" Mike asked.
"But, first of all, Mike." Iggy said, putting a hand on Mike's shoulder. "What girl in the right mind would wanna fuck you?
"Well," started Fang, he was rather quiet throughout the discussion so all eyes turned to him. "You could always get raped by some Asian chick walking by and then become the world's first pregnant non-transgender man ever. How's that?" He said and then burst out laughing with everyone else.
"But why would she wanna rape Mike of all people?" Bella asked.
"Because, Bella," Iggy said. "She might have been really kinky and decided that she had already had enough of the old guy across the road." After the last word, another round of laughter broke out with the exception of Mike who was sulking.
"Damn it why do you guys always pick on me?"
"Because you're an import." Fang stated.
"Because you're a blond." Reasoned Doraemon.
"But Iggy's a blond!" Mike cried.
"Strawberry blond, Mike. Now don't make fun of the blind guy." Max chastised.
"Yeah." Everyone chorused.
"And your name's Mike so that's pretty much askin' for it."
"Why can't you pick on Edward?" Mike cried.
"Because his name is Edward, yours is Mike. M and E are two very different letter Mike." Bella said matter-of-factly.
"Max's name starts with an M!" Mike retorted.
"But Max is a girl." Fang said stating the obvious.
"With a boy's name!" Mike cried.
"You have a boy's name too you know." Max said and everyone burst out laughing as the bell went.
"What? I don't get it!" Mike cried one last time, but everyone just laughed harder and walked away leaving a very confused and disoriented Mike.
Alrighty people this part is dedicated to my friend Erin the Rapist and Jennifer the Asian-gangsta-wanna-be Rapist (A/N: I was threatened with rape if I didn't do this)
Erin: Jennifer! I challenge you to a duel!
Jennifer: Haha! I accept you challenge! (A/N: I had that Speedy Car cartoony thing going onin my head , the one that used to be on Cartoon Network but is on Boomerang now)
Erin: Very well then.
Jennifer: BRING IT ON SUCKA!
Erin: Yo mama so fat when she stands on the scales it says 'to be continued'.
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she jumped for joy and got stuck!
Erin: Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she fell in love and drowned!
Erin: Yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat when she walks onto the road, it takes a full tank of gas to swerve around her!
Erin: Yo mama so fat when she walks on the road in yellow coat, people yell 'TAXI!'!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat when she goes to the beach in a blue swim suit, people yell 'TSUNAMI!'!
Erin: Yo mama so fat when she sunbathes on the beach people yell 'BEACHED WHALE!'!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the ocean!
Erin: Yo mama so fat she had to be baptized in the ocean!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat when she was floating in the ocean, Spain claimed her as their new land!
Erin: Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she uses a king size mattress as a tampon!
Erin: Yo mama so fat God couldn't light the Earth until she moved!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she has her own orbit!
Erin: Yo mama so fat, the only thing between her and Jenny Craig is the door!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she ate Jenny Craig!
Erin: Yo mama so fat she ate Jenny and Craig!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she shit in the Grand Canyon and filled it up!
Erin: Yo mama so fat she has her own area code!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat when she farted, Peter Garret accused her of Global Warming!
Erin: Yo mama so fat they used her to plug up the hole in the ozone layer!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she needs a landscape artist to do her makeup!
Erin: Yo mama so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat she tripped over Australia, fell into America and rolled onto Canada!
Erin: Yo mama so fat her bra size is 'Bitch Lose Some Weight!'!
Jennifer: Yo mama so fat when she sings it's over!
Erin: … yeah I'm out of yo mama so fat jokes….
Jennifer: Yeah same here.
Me: Now bye-bye to the readers.
Erin: UP YOURS!
Jennifer: SCREW YOU!
Me: -sighs- Not exactly the goodbye I was hoping for, but it will suffice.
Hope you enjoyed! And now if you just click on the little purple button in the left hand corner, Erin and Jennifer won't come and rape you. AND you get a virtual cookie!
Red-Crayon93 out! (Pen name changed to Fat-Boy93)