Warning: Shoujo-ai, post-series
My Dear Prince
Greetings, My Dear Prince,
I wrote so much of what happened since meeting Ayanokoji-san and Setsuna-san. Of the Absolute Angels. Of all the tears I shed. Of the laughter that made my chest hurt with joy. And of how happy I was to have Ayanokoji-san find me again after all those strange events.
But things have changed.
I have found the Prince I dreamed of all my life. He is kind and good and willing to risk everything for the special people in his life. All the things I dreamt about when I was a little girl.
But I'm not a little girl anymore. My body started changing long ago. But I still clung to the fantasies I would read about in books. I showed such changes to my body to Ayanokoji-san during a moment when my heart was tugging wildly and my mind was a haze of what I thought I wanted. But I still clung to all the things which had consumed my thoughts since childhood.
I found my Prince. But now I want my Princess.
When I first witnessed a kiss between girls, I felt my heart race as though it had turned into one thousand butterflies. It did so the second time. Then even faster when the kiss between girls was between Setsuna-san and me.
It was not the first time it had happened. But it was the first time I allowed my heart to feel as it did. And it felt like freedom.
I feel different around Setsuna-san in a way which is different compared to what I feel around Ayanokoji-san. Her fingers on my back and her breath against my ear makes my skin tingle and my chest squeeze in a way that hurts. But is still something I like. To look into her eyes makes my heart jump. Her lips are soft. I want to touch them. Not with my fingers, but with my own lips.
My heart is uncertain, My Dear Prince. It squeezes and cuts off my throat so that the words cannot find their way when I think it would be best to tell Ayanokoji-san.
But I think Ayanokoji-san may know. Sometimes he has a puzzled look in his eyes when he thinks I cannot quite see. But I can. I think his throat also squeezes shut when he tries to ask. Whether he knows or not, it will still hurt when those words are finally allowed to be spoken.
When it does happen, I know he will find happiness again. Even after all the crying and screaming I did, I found mine so I know the same will come to Ayanokoji-san.
One day I will find a way to tell him. I did consider writing him a letter too, My Dear Prince, but have decided not to. Something like this needs to be broken with words, not letters.
This will probably be the last letter I write to you, My Dear Prince. At least until I have sorted my mind, but even then I am unsure.
Until then, I wish you well.
It had been a long walk up to the slanted post box which teetered on the edge of the cliff. The sun beat down from where it overlooked the world, but a pleasant breeze ghosted against Kuu's face as she climbed up the hill and through the trees on that familiar route she had taken ever since she had written that first letter years ago.
Upon reaching the post box, which nobody but her had used in years, she pushed the letter through the slot. For the first time since she had first come to the spot, she allowed herself to hear the soft thud of paper landing upon the pile of other letters which had built up over the years. All of which had been written by her.
In the warmth of the summer afternoon, Kuu allowed her mind to wander back to fantasies of childhood. Of princes and flowing dresses and fields that were forever full of the most beautiful flowers. Of laying amongst those flowers and creating shapes in the clouds whilst holding the hand of the one she loved. Of watching the sunset paint the clouds with shades of red, orange and yellow, so beautiful that not even the most skilled painter could do it justice on canvas.
Kuu smiled. Perhaps not all dreams were just for childhood.
Her body suddenly jolted in surprise as there was a gentle touch upon her shoulder. Then relaxed as she heard the soft jingle of small bells as they swayed in the breeze. Upon turning, she found herself face to face with a pair of large green eyes and soft blonde hair; Setsuna's most striking features.
"I didn't think you wrote these letters anymore," Setsuna said, casting a weary eye to the post box, which looked as though it may topple off the edge of the cliff soon.
"I'm growing up," Kuu replied, also looking to the post box, but with a much more fond expression. "But I don't think you should let go of everything in your childhood."
"I wouldn't really know."
Kuu reached out to take Setsuna's hand and squeeze it. Her mind went to the fantasies of her childhood again. But this time the person beside her as she ran through the flowers, made shapes in the clouds and watched the sunset had a face. A face with large green eyes and soft blonde hair. "There's still time."
"But you knows you must do a grown-up thing first."
Kuu's smile deflated. "Ayanokoji-san, you mean. I know."
Now it was Setsuna's turn to squeeze her hand. "If you don't soon, I'm afraid I'll have to." Setsuna took a step back, tugging at Kuu's arm as she did so. "And the longer you wait, the more painful it gets."
Still Kuu was hesitant. "Ayanokoji-san will be upset."
"I don't want Kyoshiro to be upset either. But that's part of being a grown up. So is learning to move on and find the true one for him. Right?"
Kuu cast a final look towards the post box before giving in to Setsuna's gentle pulling. Gripping Setsuna's hand, she began to long walk back to home and to the most grown up thing she may ever have to do. But this time she knew she could.