A/N: This piece isn't going to be like any of my others. It holds darker themes, so any patrons who aren't up for it, after a while, it gets pretty tense.
The nurses scuttered uselessly around my limp body. The scent of antiseptic burned my senses, but I was numb anyway. Voices lurched in the back of my head as my eyes lazily scoured my surroundings. Nothing seemed real, I could hear people speaking, but I could not, for the life of me, decipher what they were saying. I was void of life, my body twitched now and then, but nothing more.
The only thing I could concentrate on was on the rhythmic sounds of the clock. Despite the noise that tried to drown it out. My ears focused intently on each soothing rhythm. My eyes were growing heavier and heavier, I fought to keep them open. I would not sink into darkness. I was afraid, more afraid than any other time. Hands fluttered over my stilled form. I wanted to flinch, but my body would not respond to my commands.
I listened intently to the clock, each tick consuming me in a blanket of comfort. Blood pumped from me according to each rhythm of the second hand. The pain of a tourniquet stung me, but I did not move. I brought this hell upon myself. I would not scream or beg for mercy and relief. I would take this in stride, never let anyone in, and shut myself out. Like I had always done.
Even through the numbness, I could slowly feel the pain returning. It was a horrible feeling, a numbing on some parts, and a burning on others. A self-inflicted hell, I did this to myself and would no amount of redemption save me? The darkness was not at all reassuring. It only brought on more feelings of nothingness and self-loathing.
The rhythm of the clock slowed in my mind, allowing fear and panic to seep in. isn't this what I wanted? To escape, to live in infernal heights? My eyes didn't listen to me; they closed and threw me into the dark. It was my place of residence, a place that gave me a welcome, and yet, unwelcome familiarity. A silent tear slipped from my dry eyes. It slid down my cheek and onto my earlobe. It would fall or dry out. That's just the way it is.
I didn't fight it this time; I allowed the darkness to take me. I breathed in deeply and held my breath. More screaming surrounded me; the clock could no longer be heard. My lungs ached to breath, and I forced myself with all my strength not to gasp out.
Finally, relief formed. I felt light headed and detached. The screaming continued, there was some tapping on my chest, presumably the EMT's just realizing I'd stopped breathing. There was nothing they could do now. I'd fall into slumber, to avoid the pain for a while.
My body relaxed and fell into the soft mattress beneath me. Darkness befell me, subjecting me a light covering of numbness. A pure bead of relief swam through me. No more pain, no more noise.
I sunk into my relief, welcomed my demise, and fell into my undoing.