In full body and mind

Author: Helmi1

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own Buffy, Angel, or any of the characters. I don't have any money, so please don't sue me.

Rating: some cursing, things heating up

Pairing: Buffy/Angel

Chapter 17: Misery

For two days Buffy didn't leave her apartment, she was too depressed to even move. Faith was looking after her making sure that she wouldn't kill herself in cookie dough fudge mint ice cream. But the day came when she had to confront the gang but she didn't have enough energy in her to care. She had just lost the only person she would ever truly love for the second time. Scoobies really didn't look scary compared to that.


Buffy went to Giles' apartment where she had been summoned. The uncomfortable silence didn't last long. "I don't believe that you would be stupid enough to give in to your... carnal desires on the danger of setting Angelus free. So please, do tell us how did it happen?"Giles said barely keeping his British cool.

"It was a spell made by an evil law firm that has a big yen for the apocalypse. The spell made us loose control", she explained feeling a little ashamed but she hid it with a remark: "Who would have guessed lawyers to be evil."

Willow was the only one to give her a small smile, Giles and Xander just glared at her. "I'm not gonna say I told you so. But... I told you so", Xander said feeling very pleased with himself.

"Xander, shut up", Willow said with no hostility in her voice, it was more like a request. She was pissed at Buffy for letting Angelus loose but she also understood that she must be hurting more than ever now that she had come face to face with the fact that she could never be with Angel.

"No, Willow. For once I'm gonna say what I want about Angel. Buffy wanted to be with him without caring about anyone else. We all knew what was going to happen but she didn't care about anyone but herself. And soon she gave him the big happy!"

"You are such a hypocrite, Xander", Buffy said with a low voice, she had kept quiet but now she had had it. Everyone turned to look at her in surprise.

"What?!" Xander yelled in shock.

"You are a hypocrite, Xander. You preach how Angel is a demon and doesn't deserve anything good because he has killed. But you are dating Anya, who is an ex demon that has killed countless of men during the hundreds of years she has existed. And she would still kill if she would get her powers back", she said and crossed her arms in front of her, she wasn't going to back down this time.

"No she wouldn't!" defended Xander at the same time as Anya confirmed: "Yes, I would."

Xander spun around to look at her. "If I got my powers back, it would be bound to happen", she continued like it was no big deal and to her it wasn't.

"She isn't serious", Xander explained to the others but Anya just looked at him like he had said something in a different language.

"Yes I am. Why would I lie?"

"Well, it's different with Anya!" said Xander feeling defencive.

"Of course it is when it's about you", Buffy answered and looked at him challenging. "I'm sure you all are happy, I now know there is no chance for me and Angel. I will live the rest of my short life alone with a scrap of a heart because other half of it is in LA. And that's what slayers life is, short", she said and everyone in the room flinched.

"Wake up from the dream, people. I have already lived passed my life expectancy. And without Angel my life will be a lot shorter. But hey, I don't care about anyone except myself, isn't that right Xander", she said and picked up her jacket. "I'm not going to explain myself to you anymore. I have to be responsible, go to work and make the world safe", she said and left.

Willow looked after her, feeling torn. "We need to do something", she said to the others.

"Yeah. Is the therapy for slayers or something, Giles? Maybe not. But she'll be fine, she'll be over dead boy in no time", Xander piped up and Giles just sighed and started cleaning his classes.

"Wake up, Xander. She's never going to be over him, she wasn't over him in the first place, she just let us think she was", she said and took hold of Tara's hand for support.


It had been a week since she returned to Sunnydale, she and Angel had had a pained conversation on the phone and she had received an e-mail from Cordelia. She was complaining about him brooding and that made her even more depressed, Cordelia could see him and she could not.

Buffy sighed deeply and pressed her face back into the pillow. She just waited for the moment that she would have to go to work and patrol. They were the two things that could keep his mind off of Angel, even if it was only for a moment. Slowly she got up from the bed, wiped away her tears and changed her clothes. Everything was bleak, she couldn't feel anything anymore but she had to function.

There was a soft knock on the door. "It's open", she shouted, she never used the words come in while answering the door. Willow stepped into the apartment and looked at Buffy closely, she could tell she had been crying. Every time she saw her, her eyes were red from crying or she looked tired.

"How are you?" she asked uncertainly but she already knew the answer.

"Trying to stay alive", she answered and finally turned to look at Willow in the eyes. Willow could still remember the conversation she had with Buffy before the prom.

"It will get better", she tried but Buffy just shook her head.

"Maybe a little. But there is still a part of me missing. And no one can fill it", she said and sat on the couch. She wouldn't let the tears come. Willow placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder and she lifted her eyes to hers. Seeing all the misery on her friends eyes, she made the decision.


"It's a very powerful spell, Willow", Tara said uncertainly and looked at the script.

"I know, but I have to do it. I owe her and him too. And together we can perform this, they deserve it. And it's my way of making things right, my redemption", she said desperately and Tara nodded in understanding.

"Yes, I know, Willow. And they do deserve it, the way her aura shined when she was with him, it was wonderful."

"So let's do it", Willow smiled and took hold of her girlfriends hand.


Angel sat in his office, brooding and staring at a picture of Buffy that he had been drawing without even noticing it. He traced the features with his finger and closed his eyes. But suddenly he felt a warm feeling go past him, it burned him like fire. Groaning from pain, he fell to the floor and tried to stay focused. He had no idea what was happening, the pain was so intense, almost like when he had lost his soul. But not the same, this was like fire burning inside him and he couldn't feel the soul being ripped out.

Cordelia and Wesley rushed to the room. "What happened?!" Wesley asked and knelled next to him.

"I don't know", Angel managed to say once the pain reduced. "I feel weird", he added trying to get up but his legs didn't hold and he almost fell to the floor. But Wesley managed to catch him, even if it was hard to keep him from falling anyway. He and Cordelia helped him into the chair.

"Could it be something that the Wolfram and Hart did?" Wesley asked but Angel shook his head.

"I don't think so."

"We should do some research, this seems like magic", he said and Cordelia sighed in irritation.

"Well, I can't. Some of us have a life, I have a date, with a man. Hopefully no headache will interrupt this time", Cordelia said.

"But Cordelia", Wesley started but he was interrupted by Angel.

"You should go, you deserve a break."

"If you're sure. Then I'm off to my hot date", she said and walked away.

"Why don't I ever get a night off?" Wesley asked but Angel didn't answer.


Buffy walked home after a long night. The slaying had been good, five vamps and a demon, none of them had a chance because she was venting all the anger and sorrow to her slaying.

She pushed the key into the lock and turned to look at Willow who had appeared next to her. "Hey, I have great news", she said without managing to keep a wide smile out of her face.

"What did you do?" she asked suspiciously keeping a small grin away from her face.

"Angels soul is bound!" she cried out, she couldn't wait any longer without bursting, she thought on Hellmouth it might be even literal. Buffy's eyes widened and she choked out: "What?!"

"Tara and I did a spell. You and Angel can be together without being afraid of him going grrr. You two deserve it. I have been a bad friend and this is my way of redemption."

A wide bright smile lit on Buffy's face and she pulled Willow into a tight hug. "I love you, Willow", she said with a teary voice and then it hit her. "I need to get to LA", she said anxiously. She looked around her, feeling her pockets for keys and wallet.

"Go!" Willow encouraged her and Buffy started to leave.

"Oh Buffy, wait! How are you going to get there, it's middle of the night?" Willow yelled after her.

Buffy turned smirking and answered: "I know someone who can drive me." And with that she ran out leaving Willow smiling brightly on the hallway.


"Oh bloody slayer, I don't know how you talked me into doing this", Spike growled out and pulled over the dead beat car.

"Because I threatened you with bodily harm and offered you hundred bucks", Buffy answered and stuck two fifty dollar bills to his hand.

"Well, don't expect me to pick you back", he said and tucked the bill to his pocket.

"Who said I was coming back anytime soon", she said smirking and left the car, running inside the building.

"Bloody crazy chit", Spike said and started driving away.

Buffy stepped inside the building and saw Angel and Wesley doing research in his office. He lifted his gaze and their eyes met. "You were supposed to call", she said and walked into the room.

Wesley spun around looking like a deer caught in headlights. "Buffy", he stammered.

"Hey there Wesley. I need to talk to Angel", Buffy answered and closed the door. Wesley didn't seem to think it was a good idea but he got up anyway.

"Yes, of course", he said and left the room.

Buffy locked the door and pulled down the blinds. "Buffy", Angel started but Buffy silenced him by running to him, jumping into his arms and pulling him into a passionate kiss. When the kiss broke, Angel looked at her confused.


"Your soul is bound. Willow and Tara did a spell", she answered and pulled him into another kiss. Angel sat her down to the table and broke the kiss.

"Say that again?"

"You won't loose your soul again, and your never going to get rid of me again."

A wide smile rose the his lips after he was over the first shock and he grabbed her shoulders, pulling her into a passionate kiss. "I never want to get rid of you", he said and kissed her again pulling her as close to his body as it was physically possible. Angelus was tide down to him, he couldn't come back. He wasn't human but he would have his soul without fear of loosing it. This time they would make it work, nothing could come between them again. Right? (smirk)


A/N: Thank you to all readers whether you liked it or not. Also thank you for all the reviews. I have an idea for a sequel, so please tell me if you want one.