Hot Shot's girl: Okay sorry I hadn't updated this new story yet. My mind's been set on other things. This is for Aqua Girl she wanted me to update and I was going to Wednesday, but like I said I got caught up in things. But here it is and it's a little different so you will know. Sari is not a cyborg and she's not 8, I wanted to make her a little older in my story say 12 and now she's 16, and of course Blackarachnia is still good in my story and the whole Starscream thing didn't happen—yet. It's fanfiction I can do that and so I hope you enjoy the few changes I made to fit the series into my story:)
It has been 4 years since that day. Since I and my brother changed. I can't believe it's been that long . . . or that I've lived with myself for that amount of time like this. It's hard for one to think, but being like this for so long—it seems like I've had it my whole life.
It's hard to live with myself seeing how a part of me wants to slaughter and destroy my only friends and the other part wants to help and stop thinking such things. My friends have tried and tried to help me with this condition, but nothing seems to work. I don't blame them for this, but my other side does. Primus I want so much to be normal again, but I fear I won't get that title back in a long time.
I have so much hate inside me. So much that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to him . . . to him who put it in me. If there is anyone I can rightfully blame for my condition its Megatron.
It is he who induced me and my brother with part of his spark so we would remain loyal to him. It would always be me for something to go wrong with. It seemed to always happen to me ever since I tried to become an elite guard. I just carry bad luck . . . and because of that . . . my brother is gone.
Usual family hate their siblings, I did, but when they're gone you'd never have guessed in a million stellar cycles who much you'd miss and love them . . . and I do—I miss and love my brother Hot Shot. If I could do anything to get him back from Megatron I would, but if I even attempted to he'd take me and then I would no longer have that autobot feeling inside me. All know that if Megatron or Hot Shot gets a hold of me then they could complete my programming and turn me fully into a decepticon, but Optimus Prime has sworn never to let me get that far into their hands. Sometimes I don't see what all the fuss is over me.
I am just an ordinary soldier, and not very good at that. I'm short, yes I now admit it, and weaker than all else. Why would Megatron want someone like me? Well since he induced me with part of his spark I am a lot stronger now . . . now in my autobot side, but in my decepticon side. Hot Shot is the same way, but he is fully decepticon and is so hard to beat.
On numerous occasions he's beaten my comrades and almost killed them. He's left many human casualties which he would have never done before. I can't see my brother in him any longer. It is like Megatron took the very spark out of my brother and changed it with another's . . . I think that all the time.
Many a time I can't help the autobots. It's not because I can't offer it or I'm too weak all the time—it's for their safety. I have changed before during a fight with the decepticons and almost put Optimus into stasis lock. Optimus shook it off as nothing and had me help again, but every time I'm near Megatron a deep urge forces my dark side to come out.
Megatron and Hot Shot seem to be the ones to see it the most and so use it against the autobots. Commanding me to hurt those I don't want to. I do it anyways because I wish to please Megatron whom I have called 'lord' before. The more I think about myself doing so the more I grow sick not believing I was capable of doing such things.
People have often referred to my condition as Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. They find that humorous, but I don't because that is exactly me. I miss the good ole days when I didn't have to worry about turning into a monster and killing my friends. Just worrying about cracking a joke that would offend them to the point they'd hurt me . . . yea . . . those were the good ole days.
The autobots have been different ever since that day. Could be that we keep losing to the decepticons as they drain earth of its resources because of the new and strong decepticon Hot Shot, or that we have a former decepticon, Blackarachnia, in our ranks that makes everyone uneasy. I couldn't tell you to be honest. Like I said . . . I'm kept away most of the time.
Since I keep having these 'mood swings' Prowl has decided to try and help me stop them from even coming on. Meditating is a hard thing, especially if you're bipolar. After everything's that's happened in the last 4 years—Ultra Magnus and his team coming to earth, Swindle, the Dinobots, the Constructicons it all seems pretty normal in the good city of Detroit. But if one was to look close enough and just deep enough they'd see how sick and need of medicine the city was.
It so desperately needed to remove that sickness from within it and part of it . . . was me. As I sit in the darkness of my solemn room back at the base I try my hardest to concentrate and not think of my other side, but it's not helping. When I change . . . things happen that horrifies me and everyone. My optics turn blood red like Megatron's and like Hot Shot's did the day his allegiance was altered and our mood become like Unicron himself.
I can officially say I hate myself now. Sometimes I get so tired in trying to fight. It so tiring and hard to push this inevitable side of me away like it never existed. I can't even remember now what it was like before . . . what is was like to be normal. I can't remember and my spark sinks so much because of so.
It's like I've always been this way and always will till the day my spark extinguishes. When I began to think or even talk like this I get into lots of trouble with him 'so-called' friends the autobots. They try and make me remember what I was like, but every ounce of happiness that goes into me the darker side seems to devour and tear apart right in front of me as if to make her I'd never be that way again. It hurts so much to be like this no one can understand.
Sari's now 15 going on 16. She's grown up so fast and it seems like a blur, her childhood . . . I can't even remember that much and it kills me and her. She is also another who gets angry when I start denying my older self like it never happened. She wanted so much for me to remember who I was or what it was like to smile and be happy, but those days are long gone and have been thanks to Megatron.
When the Elite guard saw me they were more than troubled after hearing what happened. They offered to take me back to cybertron for better help, but Optimus denied them and wanted to keep me near. Ultra Magnus told him it wasn't a wise choice, but listened. Sometimes I think what would it have been like if I went back home. What would everyone say though? They would all treat me as a decepticon I just know it . . . it's the way they were programmed and I can't blame it—I was partially programmed to kill them all just like they are to hate me.
I can't tell you how much a burden it is to everyone around you and yourself to live like this, but all I can say is . . . it's so . . . very . . . heavy. Not in a million years would I think I would be meditating like ninja 'bot Prowl, but look at me now. It's all I can do to stop from changing. I sit here now trying to control myself and I can feel it coming on . . . the darker side.
I try my hardest to push it away, but my weak mind keeps saying how inevitable it is and there is no use but to give in, but I'm still part fighter and I can push it away if I wanted to. I try to keep it silent, the room I'm in, but once it is I can hear everything. Right now the autobots and decepticons are fighting and I can hear everything. My optics come online and for a split second they are red. I stand up and walk out of my room to the control center.
There I see Ratchet looking at our comrades getting thrashed around by the bigger and stronger decepticons. Ratchet does not notice me yet and so I creep in close to get a better look at the fight and it is then . . . I see Hot Shot. He is dodging Bulkhead's wrecking ball and doing a nice job in tiring the big guy out. Once I see him I let out a small gasp and immediately Ratchet turns to see me.
"Kid what are doing out of your room? And why aren't you meditating?!" asked Ratchet turning quickly to him.
I say nothing though, all I do is look at Hot Shot as he finds a place to land where no one can get to him and once he does he looks around like he was looking for something—or someone. It was me—he was looking for me. Somehow he knew I was watching him and somehow I knew he was looking for me. It must have been that brother's bond . . . you can sense your family anywhere, but it doesn't mean they are near.
It is then I see Hot Shot turn to look at the camera and it was then he smiled and knew I was watched. He placed one fist on his hips and, as if looking right at me, says—
Ratchet let out a sharp gasp and turned to me pushing me away.
"Get out of here Bumblebee! You don't need to be here!"
He succeeded in pushing me out, but not before I heard Hot Shot say to me—
"Come to us Bumblebee . . . you're programmed to do so."
I knew he was right and in that split second my optics turned and my spark darkened . . .
Hot Shot's girl: Yeah! First chp done. Don't know when I'll update the next maybe soon, maybe not we shall see. Until then bye and hope you enjoyed :) Also if you listen to 'Animal by Three Days Grace' it sounds like BB kind of sad though :(