Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the song Right Here by Stained
Warning: Implied yaoi
a/N this is my first song fic so tell me what you think.
'. . ' thoughts
". . ." spoken
I know I've been mistaken, but just give me a break and see the changes that I've made.
Iruka sighed, his eyes narrowed as he rubbed the sore spot on his chest where Kakashi had pushed him. He glared at the silver haired ninja's back, but soon the anger faded and all that was left was a cutting sadness.
'I'm still not good enough,' Iruka thought looking down at the black pants of his jounin uniform.
Once years ago Kakashi had told him he was wasting his potential. It had hurt Iruka to hear that from the lazy ninja, so after Konohamaru graduated he'd made the decision to become a jounin. He'd hoped that Kakashi would at least treat him politely, instead the Copy Nin went out of his way to make the tanned ninja feel like he wasn't worth anything.
I've got some imperfections, but how can you collect them all and throw them in my face.
"You failed Naruto and Sasuke, that's why they aren't here now," Kakashi sneered coldly.
Iruka flinched at the man's words but refused to back down. "They were your students too, why is it all my fault?" he shouted back his temper flaring as he tried to hold himself together. He didn't understand why this was happening, he'd managed to actually talk civilly with the Copy Nin yesterday. Then the lazy ninja had stormed into Iruka's house without warning and started yelling at him.
"Because I can't fix everything you break. You're a lousy sensei and you didn't teach them what they needed to know, you failed those boys and this village just like you failed you parents. It's you're fault that they are gone. Is there anyone you haven't let down?" Kakashi hissed before turning away.
Iruka didn't even blink when the door slammed shut with a resounding crash. Kakashi words hurt to much. Had he really failed? 'Yes, I failed them. It's all my fault.'
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting. You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting. And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting. Searching for the words to say to keep you right here waiting.
Iruka couldn't hold back the burning tears or the quiet painful sobs that tore out of him as he sat on the kitchen floor, knees drawn up to his chest. He loved Kakashi, he had since he'd first seen him. That love had dictated his actions for a long time as he tried to gain Kakashi's respect and even friendship. That's why he'd thrown away his life as a happy chuunin school teacher and become a jounin. Now he was miserable and Kakashi hated him. He was sure of it now because only hate could have drawn such cruel words from the masked ninja's lips.
Iruka couldn't stop the sudden loud sob that bubbled out of his throat, sounding more like the pained whimper of a wounded animal. He was hurting, aching on the inside, because he felt like Kakashi was right, he failed everyone. He didn't deserve to be cared about, especially not by Kakashi, but he still couldn't stop himself from loving the older nin. Nor could he stop the selfish desire for Kakashi to love him back. He didn't notice the presence looking through his window.
I hope you're not intending to be so condescending, it's as much as I can take.
Iruka pushed past the two ninja in his way and stalked into the mission room. He ignored the stares he received from the others and focused his eyes on the chuunin behind the desk. He buried the twinge of sadness he felt when he thought about how that had once been his desk. Shaking his head slightly he scowled and threw his report down on the desk before turning away. He didn't need to wait around, he knew the report was perfect. He wasted no time getting another mission even though he had just returned from one. He looked over the scroll quickly, frowning when he realized he wouldn't have time for sleep before he needed to leave.
'Doesn't matter anyway,' he thought, silently re-rolling the scroll and heading towards the door.
"Hey Iruka," a soft voice called from behind him. The tanned jounin stopped but didn't turn around.
"What?" he asked, his voice devoid of emotion and almost cold sounding.
"What are you doing? You just got back from a mission. Shouldn't you take a break?"
"Hmm," the jounin grunted before walking away unconcerned. He'd been taking the most dangerous missions he could for months, usually alone. Everyone said they were worried, but he ignored them. They didn't understand he had to prove himself, prove to Kakashi that he was worth something. He reached to open the door when a hand grabbed his shoulder. He turned quickly, jerking away, his eyes narrowed. He was shocked to come face to face with Kakashi.
"Maybe You should take a break Iruka," the Copy Nin said lazily the words rolling out of his mouth. Iruka strained his ears searching for concern in the older man's voice but found none. He stared into Kakashi's lone blue eye, but it remained blank and bored.
'It doesn't matter. I haven't done enough yet. He still doesn't respect me yet,' Iruka thought sadly. "I'm fine Kakashi-san," he practically croaked, his throat scratched from the last mission.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him, his eye flashing with a sudden intensity. "No Iruka, you are far from fine," he said smoothly.
Iruka felt a shudder run down his spine straight to his groin, but forced himself to focus. Kakashi was treating him like he couldn't care for himself. 'He isn't concerned, not really. He just wants to make fun of me,' he thought angrily. "I don't believe it's any of your concern Hatake-san," Iruka said tightly, purposefully using the Copy Nin's family name to distance himself.
The older ninja merely watched him for a moment before his lone eye curved in to a strange pseudo-smile. "I merely worry that your incompetence could lead to a mission failure that could damage the reputation of this village, not to mention endanger you comrades," the silver haired jounin replied tartly, pulling out his orange book so he wouldn't have to look at Iruka.
The tanned jounin frowned deeply his temper rising as he tried not to wince in pain at the other's words. "My incompetence?" he growled. "I'll have you know I have never failed a mission as a jounin nor put my comrades in danger of any kind, so keep your half ass concern to yourself!"
Iruka's head snapped to the side, a gasp of pain escaped him, as he stumbled back. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and kept him standing as he shook his head. His cheek ached where Kakashi had punched him. "Don't get too cocky Iruka or you might get hurt," Kakashi said brightly before turning away.
And you're so independent you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break.
"Do it Iruka," Tsunada growled pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.
"Why should I apologize, he punched me!" Iruka hissed hands fisted in frustration.
"Because I won't do it. What's the big deal, aren't you suppose to be the bigger man," Kakashi said flatly still reading his book unwilling to look at Iruka or the dark bruise that had blossomed on his cheek.
Iruka stared at him in disbelief. 'He is such and asshole,' he thought biting his lip as he looked from Tsunada to Kakashi. Both refused to meet his eye. Iruka had ignored the stabbing pain he felt in his chest every time the silver haired jounin gave him that bored look or ignored him completely, but this was to much. Kakashi had humiliated him with his actions and biting words, and yet he was being forced to apologize. 'It doesn't matter,' he thought running his hand through his dark hair that had fallen loose from its tie. He just wanted Kakashi to care about him, to care about if he was alive, but no matter what he did the older man continued to treat him like a fool.
Iruka pushed his frustration aside and forced himself to act like a shinobi and swallow his pride. He moved closer to Kakashi stopping directly in front of the taller ninja. "I apologize for my earlier behavior Hatake-san. It was unfitting for one in my position." Iruka said coldly bowing low at the waist. He straightened quickly and turned towards the still stressing Tsunada. "Is that all?" he asked, his honey eyes burning holes in the floor.
"You may go," she said tiredly.
He nodded sharply and turned towards the door. He jumped when a hand patted his head. He bristled at the contact and jerked away glaring at the older nin who had dared touch him before he stalked out the door.
But you always find a way to keep my right here waiting. Always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting. If you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting, searching for the thing to say to keep you right her waiting.
Iruka slowed down as he turned the corner just down the hall from the Hokage's office. He was shaking, his muscles taunt under his bronzed flesh, his jaws clenching tightly. He ignored the harsh crunching sound caused by crushed plaster and breaking bones.
He sank to his knees, his chest tightening as his heart beat erratically. He wanted to hate him, to hate the silver hair, the teasing voice, and the lazy posture, yet he couldn't. He tried so hard, but he could still feel the fluttering affections and the burning need. Iruka shivered and curled up tighter cradling his aching hand.
"That isn't going to help," a deep voice said softly.
Iruka looked up blinking his eyes that had started to blur with hot tears. "What do you want Jiraiya-sama," he asked as he tiredly forced himself to his feet, not caring about how rude he may have sounded.
The old ninja smiled folding his arms as he watched the tan ninja pull himself together. He could guess who had pissed the normally calm man off. "You shouldn't let Kakashi get you so tore up Umino. Why can't you let it go?"
"Because I love him," Iruka whispered head down, not noticing how the old man's eyes widened.
"You love Kakashi?" Jiraiya asked in surprise. He hadn't expected that, not after the way the lazy ninja had treated the smaller nin.
"Yeah, I tried not to. I tried so hard, but I love him," Iruka whispered as he walked away missing the pointed look Jiraiya gave the shadows behind him.
I've made a commitment.
Iruka was panting hard. He couldn't help it. They'd been fighting for hours and even though the end was insight his strength was failing him. He turned quickly when he heard a shout, barely dodging an enemy katana. Iruka frowned, even with the mask the other ninja wore he could tell they weren't very old, seventeen or eighteen at the most. That though didn't stop the scared ninja's hands as he jammed a kunai into the other nin's jugular, blood spattering his face.
The mission was suppose to be easy, take four men, hunt down two missing ninja, in and out. No one had expected an army of sound nin to jump them as soon as they had made the kill. Iruka dodged some shirken and looked around for is teammates, they needed to stay together. His heart caught in his throat when he saw Kakashi on the ground. His Sharingan eye was spinning wildly as he tensed to spring at the ninja bearing down on him. Iruka could see the blood pouring in thick streams from the wound in the Copy Nin's chest, he would never get out of the way in time.
"Look out Kakashi!" Iruka shouted already running towards the fallen man, knowing if he didn't hurry the older ninja would be skewered.
I'm willing to bleed for you.
Iruka grit his teeth in pain clenching his hands and breaking the sound ninja's neck with a sharp jerk. He let the heavy body fall with a thud, his shaking hands touching the handle of a bloody katana that was buried in his chest.
"Iruka, what the hell?" he heard Kakashi curse, though the silver haired nin's voice sounded strange like he was in a deep well.
Iruka turned his head slowly is hands still pressed against the gushing wound. He shivered as a chill ran up his spine. He felt sick when he thought about the sticky mess of blood on his hands and what it meant. He looked at Kakashi as he climbed slowly to his feet, his breathing ragged and his mismatched eyes wide.
I needed fulfillment. I found what I need in you.
"Iruka, why?" he said hoarsely as he walked around to take in the damage.
Iruka smiled softly before his numb legs gave out and his knees hit the dirt. "Couldn't let you die Kakashi-san. It wouldn't do for Konoha to lose her best ninja. Besides, I love you jerk ass," the tanned ninja said brightly though there were tears in his eyes.
Why can't you just forgive me? I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way.
"You damn idiot, how could you do this? How could you?" Kakashi hissed holding Iruka tenderly. He couldn't help the tears that dripped off his chin and on to Iruka's forehead.
"D. . . don't be an. . . angry Kakashi-san I. . . I'm sorry," Iruka stammered, shivering his eyes glazing over as death approached.
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting. I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting.
"Please Iruka, I love you. I'm sorry I pushed you away, I was scared. Please Iruka stay with me. Stay."
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting. You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting. And if I chose to walk away you'd still be right here waiting, searching for the words to say to keep me right here waiting.
The sun was warm but the cool breeze kept the weather comfortable. Kakashi sighed watching the swaying branches of the trees that surrounded the memorial stones clearing. He liked to listen to the rustling of the leaves so he closed his eyes leaning his head back slightly and listened.
"You should be more careful about spacing out. Some ninja could come and ravage you." a laughing voice called from behind him.
Kakashi smiled looking lazily over his shoulder. "Are you implying that you wish to ravage me Iruka?" he asked cheekily.
Iruka blushed and looked away. "Maybe, maybe not. You'll never find out if you stay here all day," the scared ninja said cooly before turning to walk back toward the village. "Come on love," he called.
Kakashi smiled and went after him.