Emotions

Colors of a Knight

Revan lay upon her bed in the Ebon Hawk, allowing her mind to wonder for the first time in a long time. They were speeding onward to the last planet on their tour of the galaxy, minus Bastila and her pompous ass-itude.

Bastila. She didn't want to think about the younger woman right then. All that mattered, as far as Bastila was concerned, was that Revan could still feel her life force through the power of their shared bond. The bond was also something she didn't feel like mulling over at the moment.

But, then again, if one's destiny were only made up of things they wanted to do, no one would really give a frak about the ominous word.

Really, it wasn't Bastila, their bond, or anyone's destiny (how she despised that word…) that had her lying in bed, fiddling absently with her lightsaber. It was why their bond existed. It was why Bastila was gone now. It was her destiny, that which lie ahead of her, that had her on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

She was Darth Revan, former Lord of the Sith. She'd triumphed over Mandalore himself, she'd killed countless Jedi, and she had been betrayed by her former apprentice and best friend…

She was, at the same time, someone completely different. A soldier, a Pazaak player, a bounty hunter, an expert duelist, a swoop racer, and a Jedi… She was a good guy. She didn't have some gruesome and bloody past where every moment she lived was a betrayal to her old Jedi Masters. In this life, she wasn't a mockery of what she had once been…

And then… then there was the woman she had been before the Mandalorians had come along. Headstrong, charismatic, charming… She had been a good Jedi, then, as well. Loyal, vigilant, accommodating… But she'd seen the threat that the Mandalorians really were, and she had tried to help. This was what led to her downfall: her foresight.

She sighed, standing swiftly and pacing the length of the bunker. She'd been holed up in her room for two days now, only speaking briefly with Mission on occasion. She'd been trying to sort her memories apart. Trying to figure out what was the truth and what wasn't… But it was all such a fuzzy, dream-like blur that nothing really seemed to stick out about the Revan she was before or after the Mandalorian Wars. She could only bring her Jedi-programmed persona to the surface.

She did, however, remember one thing about pre-Mandalore Revan: her lightsaber.

Revan looked down at the double-blade in her right hand, wondering briefly whether the old Revan was really left-handed before dismissing the silly question. The Jedi could reprogram her mind, but not her body… Right?

She sighed, shaking her head to clear it of the cluttering thoughts. She had been obsessing over every detail of her person ever since she and the crew had escaped the Leviathan, little questions like this fluttering into her mind quite often. She was trying to concentrate now, though. She wanted to remember this.

Blue. A pretty shade of cerulean blue flashed before her. Revan had been a Jedi Guardian before, as well. She hadn't, however, elected to use the exotic double-blade model of lightsaber that so few could actually master. She'd chosen, rather, to use two twin sabers, instead.

Revan opened her eyes, nibbling her lower lip as she regarded her own saber. She thumbed it on, giving it a little flourish as it ignited. Violet blades hummed to life and she sighed contently. She'd loved using her lightsaber in combat, always besting Bastila whenever they sparred.

She now knew it wasn't her "brief stint with an Echani soldier" that gave her passion and grace in her fighting style… Or, then again, maybe it was? How much did the Jedi program into her head? Although, she hated to think of Vrook knowing about her lust-filled nights with the fine Echani specimen.

She shook her head, clearing away the distractions, and focused on the blades as she spun and swept them through the air, cutting the still atmosphere with the purr of her saber. She loved that sound. Sighing, she thumbed the saber off once again and sat heavily upon her bunk.

Revan's blades before were blue. She abandoned her Guardian color for that of the Sith, a ruby red that haunted her dreams even now. And now, she chose purple crystals to color her sabers, even when she used only a single blade at the beginning of her training on Dantooine.

She smiled to herself a bit, thinking that there must be some kind of irony that described her 'saber situation'.

Red mixes with blue and creates purple.

Good Revan and Darth Revan come together, fall apart, and create the intermediate color of Renae.