Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

A/N: Ok, so lots of people commented on my vampire fruit thing. It was originally just a stupid joke of Emmett's, but everyone was curious, so now I'm incorporating them into the story. I'm also going to do a one-shot of how the vampire fruit were "born". (Bella's car pic in my profile. Look at it, it's really awesome!)

Get Out of My Car!


The Saturday after our hellish church experience, we were subjected to more torture. Torture in the form of house building for the poor people of our city. Yes, that is revenge, Carlisle-style.

The whole week, everyone was moaning and whining about what our weekend had in store. Alice was going to miss some special sale, Rosalie was worried about breaking a nail, Emmett was still mad about the chair he got stuck in, and Jasper, Edward, and I were only upset because everyone else was.

So, when that fateful day came, we all piled into my Audi, and made our way to the outskirts of the city, where apparently, a construction site was.

We got there in record time due to my incredibly fast driving. The site was in the middle of nowhere; dust as far as the eye could see. We all sluggishly exited my car and Emmett eagerly grabbed a blue cooler out of the trunk.

"Emmett, what is that and why are you singing Girlfriend in French?" Edward asked Emmett, still clutching the mysterious blue cooler.

"Just some snacks for the humans!" he replied happily. Something was definitely up, but I decided it wasn't worth my time, so I ignored him. Alice, Rosalie, and I approached the half-finished home with caution. Then a geeky boy in construction goggles approached us, blueprints in hand. He rattled off instructions in some weird construction worker language. This would be a very long day.



My evil plan is in action!!

"What evil plan?" Edward asked me warily. Crap, I forgot about the mind reader. I shrugged and went back to singing in different languages.

A muscular guy in an orange vest came up to Edward, Jasper, and I and asked us to help him with his drywall. What a nerd!

"Emmett…" Edward hissed. Oops.


My family and I spent the next few hours working on the house for the poor peoples of this city. Ooh, I sounded like a superhero with that last sentence! What'll my name be? Hmm… how about Super Emmett! Saving the world… I can't think of anything else.

"Emmett! Concentrate!" Edward commanded. Yes Your Majesty…

"That's more like it," Emmett muttered. Whoa. He thinks he's royal. Loser.

I glanced at my watch. 3:15 PM. Perfect.

When formulating my awesome plan, I thought of two things. First, what is Edward's greatest weakness? Bella, duh. That led me to the second question. What is Bella's most prized possession, excluding Edward? Her dark blue Audi R8 of course. So I decided I'd use my little vampire fruit friends to get revenge. How does this revenge work, you ask? Well, Edward was making fun of me and making me do crazy things in church, which landed us in this situation. So, since Edward loves Bella more than anything, and she adores her car, I'll destroy her car vampire-fruit style.

I snuck off with my cooler filled with vampire-fruit and put my plan in action.

"Hello minions!" I called to my fruit of doom. They…were…AWESOME! They didn't eat humans, just bugs, seeing as animals were too big for them. They were also blood-crazed newborns, seeing as I had only created them a month ago. They glowed red and hobbled around awkwardly. I smiled at my obedient array of peaches, apples, pears, oranges, and bananas. This would be the best revenge ever.

I took the jar of flies out of the trunk and released them in Bella's Audi. Then I placed the fruit in and closed the door. All hell broke loose. Even I didn't see this coming, and I doubt Alice did either. The vampire fruit of doom rebelled.

Bella unwittingly left the car keys in the ignition, so instead of eating all the flies and destroying the black leather interior like I planned, they grabbed the wheel and drove off with Bella's car. I was screwed.


I was still painting the walls of the house creamy beige when I heard a screech of tires in the distance. My head snapped up and Edward stared at me with fear in his eyes.

"Vampire fruit…Emmett…" he whispered. WHAT? Emmett trained his stupid fruit to steal my car? HE WAS DEAD!


Oh crap. Bella is going to murder me! I only wanted them to mess her car up, not steal it! Speak of the devil and she shall arrive to kill me. Bella stormed up to me followed by the rest of our family.

"EMMETT! YOU ARE SO DEAD!" she screamed.

"No, Bella," I soothed. "Violence isn't the answer."

"SCREW THAT!" I sighed; she was beyond ticked. Jasper sent out some calm and she began to breathe deeply.

"Okay, Emmett. You're going to go and get my car from those bug-crazed minions of yours, and, when you get back, you're washing it until it sparkles!" she said. Alright, I could handle that.

"Sure," I replied. "Are you going to help me?"

"No, no one is. You screwed up, so you have to fix it. All by yourself." Oh dang, how am I supposed to do this? I don't even know where they are!

"In the mean time," Bella continued, "we're all going to run home. I'll be waiting for you and Sophia." Sophia? She named her car? What a nutjob…

"Shut up Emmett!" Edward yelled. "I never told anyone you named your car Jimbo!" NOOOOO!! He revealed my car's name!

"We won't make fun of you till you get home," Bella assured me. "Now, GO!" I sprinted vampire speed like a bat out of hell.

How am I supposed to find my minions…?


We all ran home and explained to Carlisle and Esme the events that had occurred that day. All they did was chuckle.

"He commanded his vampire fruit to destroy your car?" Carlisle inquired.

"Yeah, but he didn't mean for them to steal it," Edward told him. Esme shook her head and stalked off mumbling about how she told Emmett to burn his "minions" over a hundred times.

He is such an idiot…


Oh, yes, I rule!

It wasn't that hard to get the car back; all I had to do was find them and command them to unhand Sophia.

Finding them was easy too. I knew they would go to a place filled with bugs of all kinds. Sure enough, they were gorging themselves on dragonflies in the middle of a huge lake.

I drove Bella's precious Audi home slowly, because I was still dreading the teasing I would get over naming my Jeep. Also, I was pretty sure Carlisle, Esme, and Bella were going to punish me.

Only too soon, I pulled up to the house and was greeted by and irate Bella. She stormed over to me and ripped me out of the car.

"Get out of my car!" she commanded. She visibly calmed and a smirk spread over her face. "Now, Emmett, I do believe you are supposed to wash my car until it sparkles…" Dang. I forgot about that.


I ended up cleaning Bella's stupid car for over four hours. All the while they were all teasing me about Jimbo. The second I finished I high-tailed it out of there and up to my room where I formulated my revenge… then I decided not to because the more mad Bella got, the more likely it was that she would have Edward rip me to shreds and burn the pieces.

I would get revenge another day… but for now… I'll go read Carlisle's Bible.

The EndSob! The stories over! I really like my last line; it was just too ironic!

Don't worry, though. My next story is kind of a spin-off of this one where Emmett sort of gets revenge for being teased and forced to clean Bella's car. What will be in store? Only I know!

Thanks to everyone for your support and reviews! They kept this story going.

Much love to you all,