Chapter 5: I Won't Stop
They left the house an hour ago; After suffering through an hour of lunch with the Scotts, Grandma Mel suggested that they should head over to the ski lodge. Haley was born a klutz, if she couldn't play sports what made them think she could ski?
'I guess I'll just drink some hot chocolate and stay out of Nathan's way'.
That's where Haley was now, sitting outside the cafe drinking her hot chocolate and watching Nathan from afar.
'Gosh, that boy is just good at everything he does. It's not fair'. Haley couldn't help but stare at him. Even in all his ski gear, he was sexy. Looking down at the view made her realize just how miserable Dan and Deb were, how unfitting Royal and Mel were, and lastly how broken and isolated Nathan was from the world.
Haley couldn't help but notice that this was a different boy than the one she left in Tree Hill. Nathan was different. He used to be so confident. Nathan knew who he was and what he wanted. He always went after what he wanted, no matter what.
Sure, Nathan didn't always think everything through and once in a while those thoughts would get him in trouble but it's what Haley loved about him. She was never the confident type; she didn't know exactly who she was or where she belonged. When Haley saw that Nathan knew who he was, she felt liberated when she was around him.
Now she saw a boy who wasn't so sure. Haley could sense Nathan was holding it together on the outside, but on the inside he was uncertain. Haley wanted to hate herself for changing him (if it was even her who did so.) She wondered when he lost his light.
Haley picked up her cup to take a sip and noticed it was empty. Standing up, she went to turn around, however she bumped into a person. "Oh, uh, I'm so sorry." 'I'm such a klutz! I can't even get up without bumping into somebody.'
"Don't worry about it." The young man noticed how beautiful this girl standing before him was, "I'm Ted." He held out his hand for her.
"Oh, uh, I'm Haley."
Nathan was bored out of his mind. He wasn't sure why he agreed to come skiing with them. What kind of cork shit was his grandma trying to sell to them? Skiing bonds a couple? 'You have to learn how to trust yourself in the hands of your partner'? Last time he checked you ski on your own. Beside, his 'partner' wasn't even around to trust.
He only agreed to go because Haley said yes. He figured she would ask him for help and ski with him, not hide out. Nathan wasn't even sure where she went.
'So much for being in the hands of the one you trust'.
"Why is a pretty girl like you out here all by yourself?"
"Oh wow, do you use that line on every girl?" This guy would not move out of her way.
"No, only the pretty ones," he replied.
"Wow. They keep coming. Okay, guy in need of a clue, women send brush offs. That was me trying to be nice. Besides," Haley paused to hold up her left hand, "Dude, I'm totally married," she asserted, showing off her ring finger.
"Married? You can't even be out of high school."
"That's because I'm not."
"Then why are you married?"
"You ask a lot of questions."
"Trouble in paradise? I can see."
"There's no trouble."
He was bored out of his mind, and if Haley didn't have to suffer through this bullshit then neither did he. He could ski these slopes with his eyes closed; they were no challenge for him.
'Haley, where are you?' He looked all around for her. She couldn't have gone far, he thought. He turned around and located her at the cafe. 'Why does she have to be so gorgeous? Even in her winter gear, she's cute. God Haley, this would be easier if I wasn't so turned on by you.' He stopped looking at her when he noticed some guy talking to her.
'What the hell is this?' Nathan thought. 'Seriously, I bring you out here to hang with my family and me for Christmas vacation and you flirt with some dude? Okay, so it wasn't exactly like that. She was focused to come and I didn't actually want her to come but still! I invited her, and hell, we're still married! Geez! It didn't take her long to replace me with Chris, and now Chris with this guy'.
He couldn't believe this bullshit.
"Looks like Haley didn't wait long. Let me guess, his name is Chris?" Dan smirked as he walked up to his son. "Oh wait, that was the last guy she cheated on you with." Dan let out an obnoxious laugh while walking away.
Dan always knew how to provoke Nathan more when he was upset. Nathan didn't need Dan's comment while trying to deal with Haley. All he wanted to do was leave.
"Hey Nathan, we're going to have some lunch now. Find Haley, will you?" Deb informed her son.
'Find Haley? Psh, she's right there, being a whore!' "Sure thing, mom"
"Why so touchy, Haley? I'm just trying to be friendly."
"You're being too friendly for my liking; my husband would not appreciate this right now."
"He sounds controlling. Besides, I don't see him anywhere, do you?" Ted looked around.
Haley looked around as well, hoping Nathan would magically appear and save her. "Actually he's right there." Haley was grateful she saw Nathan walking towards her but knew that look on his face. And it did not mean good things.
"Haley, my parents want to have lunch. Let's go." Nathan was in no mood to be around Haley. He did not want to wait and watch her get this guy's number, but his parents always made him do their dirty work.
"Wow, he is controlling."
"Excuse me?" Nathan could not believe this guy who was hitting on his wife 'ex-wife Nathan, okay ex-wife!' was calling his personality out. 'Besides I am not controlling! Haley does as she pleases. I gave her an ultimatum, Haley went against it. She does her own thing.'
"Guys please stop; This is ridiculous. Ted, it was nice meeting you… I guess. I have to go now. Bye." Haley grabbed Nathan's arm and dragged him away from the scene before it got worse.
"Nathan what is your problem?"
"My problem? That guy doesn't even know me and called me controlling, Haley!"
"Well you did demand that I come now. That's a little controlling." Haley knew she shouldn't have said it but he was rude about it.
"I'm sorry, are you defending your boytoy now?"
"My what? Boytoy? Nathan, that was nothing. He tried to smooth talk me and I shut him down. I told him I was married! You cannot be jealous."
Nathan continued to walk forward without saying anything.
"Wait, Nathan you're jealous?" Haley smiled, she couldn't control it or hide it, Nathan was jealous. It proved he still cared.
"I am not jealous, I don't get jealous."
"You got jealous with Chr—," Haley decided to cut herself off. Going there wouldn't be a good idea.
"I'm sorry, what?" Nathan asked.
Haley shook her head. "Nothing," She replied.
Nathan slowed down his pace so that he was walking beside her. "Look, I'm sorry. I had no right to get jea-jea—," Nathan couldn't even say the word.
"Jealous." Haley smirked.
"Yeah, that. I guess it bothered me when I saw you two, but you're allowed to do what you want." Nathan couldn't look at her when he confessed that part, because it was true. He asked for the divorce, and he has been shutting her out. What did he think, they would be over but she would never move on again? "And I'm sorry if I came off controlling, I don't want you to think I am trying to control you."
"You don't control me," She replied, a bit heartbroken. How could he say she was allowed to move on? Didn't he get it? "But Nathan you have to know that was nothing, that guy was nothing. I told you, I told him I was married and I meant that. I'm not giving up on us."
Nathan nodded, he didn't quit know what to say. If this were true why didn't she have that perspective when he gave her the ultimatum? 'Because you're an idiot for giving her an ultimatum in the first place!'
"Nathan?" he turned to look at her, "what did you mean by, 'it bothered me when I saw you two'?" Haley had a feeling she knew what it meant but she couldn't assume. She needed to know.
"Haley," He spoke softly and gave her a look that read, 'you know what I meant, why can't you just leave it alone?' so Haley nodded her head and left it alone. She knew it was a lot for him to even just admit he was jealous of her and some other guy, Haley did not want to push him away, not now.
Lunch was brutal. Deb and Dan got in a fight over Nathan and his future, then Royal jumped in and poor Mel couldn't stop it. She became so embarrassed that she finally just got up and left. Haley thought her problems with Nathan were bad but at least they could communicate, well kinda. At least they didn't yell at each other or over each other.
Haley could sense how embarrassed and ashamed Nathan was; he sat at the table and did not speak one word. Even though the conversation was centered around him and about his life, he had no say. What made things worse was that Haley couldn't stop imagining how Nathan was dealing with these issues back at home again. It was probably like this on a daily basis. Nathan divorced his parents at 16 for a reason, now he had to go back because of her. Or at least that's how she felt.
They could hardly make ends meet together; she knew Nathan couldn't afford living on his own without a job. With all the schoolwork and basketball training he's working on, he wouldn't have time to get a job. And his parents, well Dan, would never give him money.
'And all because he can't stand to live with me…'
Lunch ended when Royal raised his voice with, "Enough!" and banged the lunch table before walking out. Dan soon followed; Deb apologized and left as well.
"Well wasn't that something." Haley broke the silence first, knowing Nathan was too embarrassed to say anything.
"I'm so sorry Haley; you shouldn't have to sit through this. You shouldn't have to deal with this. I understand if you just want to go home and spend Christmas with your family. I can just tell my grandparents something came up, that somebody in your family is sick and you need to be with them." Nathan kept his head down, he was too ashamed.
"Nathan," Haley made sure her voice was sturdy, "I am not going anywhere. I knew what I was getting myself into when I agreed to this. You think I thought your parents were going to be perfect while on this trip? I know Dan's true colors. We're in this together," Nathan turned to look at her, "I told you I'm not giving up on us. I can handle Dan. Him being an ass can't get me to walk away from you."
He couldn't believe that she would put up with his family, with all this bullshit. A lunch like this would make any other girl walk away, and truthfully this was nothing. She always stood by his side, especially when it came to his family. Why did she have to be so great? So nice? So charming? He wanted her to stop, so that it would be easier to hate her. He didn't want to forgive her.
She wasn't there when he needed her, she walked away, and she did give up on them.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked and Haley looked at him, confused. "I gave you an ultimatum. I practically told you to give up your dream, to stay in Tree Hill with me, where all you would have had were nights at Tric. I pushed you away. I said we were over. You came home and I told you I wanted a divorce. So why are you being so nice? Stop it!"
"Yes, stop, because you being nice is making it impossibly hard to be angry at you." Nathan barely held it together. He couldn't cry, not in front of her or in a restaurant.
"Then don't be angry at me, Nathan." Haley could sense he was cracking.
Nathan shook his head, "No, it's not that easy. You can't ask that of me. I'm angry at you Haley, I'm very angry and I'm conflicted and most of all I'm confused. It's because you're making it harder. I want to hate you but then you do or say things and I remember I love you, and then it becomes harder to hate you." His eyes began to water.
"You still love me?" Haley whispered so softly her voice almost cracked.
Nathan gave her that look again, "Haley, you know I love you."
"Then that's all I need to know." Haley paused to collect herself. "I'm not trying to trick you Nathan. I'm nice because this is how I am around you; this is the girl you bring out in me. I love you, you know I do, that's why I'm here. And I'm sorry if I make it harder for you but that's how it's going to be because I will not stop being nice or loving you. I will not give up on us or stop caring. I'm here. Maybe I wasn't here before but I'm here now and I know what's important in my life. You can choose whether to accept it or to fight it but it's going to be a hard fight because I'll just push back harder." Haley wiped the tears falling down her face, "I won't stop."
Nathan nodded, unsure of how to handle her words.
A/N: Hey guys. I was hoping to have a chapter out sooner. However I went on vacation and then came back to a wedding and having to move all in the same week. I actually went to Wilmington where I met some of the cast, it was epic. I truly recommend that anybody who LOVES this show makes a trip out. It's easy to find filming and the cast. With that being said I hope everybody has enjoyed this chapter. I don't like the beginning; I couldn't get myself into the mindset but as my writing went on I found my muse.
P.S. I mentioned in the last chapter that I needed a beta, 'stephanie72695' has offered to take on the job. I hope this makes my grammar and story flow better.
kaya17tj – I love suggestions, so thank you. Yes, Deb likes Haley in this story so they will eventually develop a relationship throughout the story. As for the proposal, marriage, etc, I can try and include some flashbacks or at least bring up their moments together—i.e. the rain— the way I did with the tattoo. It'll help remind them what they had together. As for Nathan realizing he's wrong too, well I slowly brought that into this chapter. But don't worry, I'm not a Haley hater or anything—I love her a lot—I know they were both at fault and I will bring that into this story as well, but I have to build up on that. Nathan does not see that right now but he will.
naley4eva23– As I stated above, Nathan will realize he was wrong as well as Haley, therefore I gotta be fair and let Haley get angry too :P Be patient my reader, it'll come. Right now Nathan is angry and all Haley wants is to be forgiven, she wouldn't wanna rock the boat by getting angry and pushing him away but it'll come.
Thank you all for the amazing reviews, I did not expect all of that love. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You guys are the best.