A/N: Most of this story takes place Pre-Season One in the year 2000 before Bobby and Alex joined Major Case, but it starts off in 2008 during and after 'Purgatory'. Detective Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola from L&O: SVU is in this story also; however, this is not in any way a cross-over.
A/N cont.: The way I picture Bobby in this story is how he looked when he did the Daily Show with John Stewart back in 2000. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out at by either going to thereelvincentdonofrio/clips or to The Daily Show website. I don't own these sites, but I'm a frequent visitor to both.
Pairing: Bobby/Alex, but it's a complicated pairing. You'll see what I mean soon enough.
Warnings: These guys are the HBO versions of the characters. They curse and do things that they couldn't get away with on NBC/USA. And it will be rated M in future chapters for adult relations. You've been warned!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the Law & Order television series. Dick Wolf owns it all and I'm not him. The only thing I own are the characters I created.
Summary: "Bobby is undercover with Narcotics, Alex is undercover with Vice, and neither one knows that the other exists; that is, until their worlds collide. An all new Law & Order--"….Dang it, I'm also not the USA Network announcer guy.
Bobby stared at the concrete floor and felt his heart drop. He knew she was standing out there and he could only imagine what she was thinking. The bars had slid open for Stout, and then slid back. As he heard them slid open again, he braced himself and eased off the bench.
It was hard not to look at Alex; she was going to freak. And he had no one to blame but himself this time. He nodded to the Captain and leaned against the cell frame.
"Testarossa lawyered up."
He saw her eyes go wide and he tried to keep calm. Bobby focused on the Captain. "What about Melago?"
"What's going on here?" Alex's voice was stressed.
Even though the question was directed at him, Bobby looked to the Captain for help. It was getting harder to stay standing. He was nearly putting all his weight against the bars to keep himself steady. "Is now okay," he anxiously asked Ross.
Alex took a glance at Ross but eyed him as she back away from them. She was stunned at first, then anger bore from her eyes right into his soul. "You're undercover, you don't tell me?"
Bobby watched her and felt everything inside him drop and mix with his heart in stomach acid. Ross said something that he didn't catch because he was trying to figure out how to speak again. Her anger was barely control; he could see the hurt in her eyes. She looked at Ross then stared right back at him.
Alex was in disbelief, and he was right back to feeling like he was in purgatory again. He needed her to understand. It was getting harder to not move, to address her and plead with her to understand. If Ross wasn't there he knew he would have. He would have tried to explain, even if he didn't know how.
Ross finally got through to her with whatever he was saying. She nodded at him then shook her head at him. It looked like she was going to say something, but she did the one thing that he didn't want to ever see. She walked away from him.
Looking at Ross, Bobby knew what he was going to say. He stared at the floor again and shook his head.
"It'd be okay, Goren."
Bobby didn't lift his head as he said, "No, it won't." He'd seen Alex that way before, and it had nearly cost them everything.
He'd forgotten. How could he have forgotten? It hadn't been that long ago; only eight years. Bobby pulled down a glass out of his cabinet and placed it next to the bottle of Glenlivet on the counter. Bracing himself against it, he gripped the edges of the counter and banged his head on the cabinet door.
Alex wasn't going to forgive him easily. He lied to her; he didn't tell her that he was undercover. It wouldn't have come to that if he hadn't been so wrapped up in trying to get his shield back. Getting back on the job took more precedence than his vow to Alex, his promise. He would have told her if he hadn't been so…pre-occupied with what the Brass thought. He never cared about them before. Alex was his partner, he trusted her with his life. And he made her barge into that room pointing a gun at him not knowing.
He knew she was the one on the case; she had pulled the tourist shooting in Red Hook. It would have been no problem to have called her before the take-down was going to happen. Warn her that he would be in there, undercover. That he trusted her to keep it professional, to do her job and not show that she was expecting it, expecting him.
That was what partners did.
But not him. He had, for the first time in his professional career and as her partner, obeyed the Brass. The Chief knew about it and the Captain knew about it, but not the one person that truly needed to know about it. Not the person that was going to be doing the take-down, who was going to be the one to arrest him, and who was going to put him in a jail cell and pray that his career wasn't over.
She looked heart-wrenchingly betrayed by him when she found out that he didn't tell her. And then, when he had lied to her about his reasons and she called him out on it…The anger in her eyes was more terrifying than the anger that clouded her words.
He sighed and shook his head into the wooden door. You've really blown it this time, Goren.
Bobby eyed the bottle that rested below him on the counter. He wanted nothing more than to drink himself stupid—it'd match the way he'd been acting lately—but at the same time he wanted to kick the habit of drinking himself stupid every night.
For nearly six months he'd been indulging in his love for the Scottish whiskey; it was the only thing that eased his warring mind and the memories that flooded his dreams and waking hours. More than once he found himself staring off thinking about Tates, his mother, Brady, Donny and Frank. His demons weren't giving him any peace. Not now, not before, maybe not ever would he be completely free of them.
It seemed now that he could add Alex to that list.
Giving in to the itch, he filled the glass and downed it before he filled it to the brim again. He strolled over to his couch and flopped down on it; resting his feet on the coffee table he eased back into the cushions and stared up toward the ceiling.
He'd known Alex for eight years; been partners with her for all that time. It was the longest running relationship he'd ever had with anyone that wasn't family. She had put up with him for eight years; and how did he repay her for her loyalty?
He had broken the only promise he'd ever made to her. He lied to her and betrayed not only her loyalty but her trust.