Betas: diapadme & jannness (both livejournal)
I think we all felt ... punched in the stomach after this final. Not because it was THAT bad or THAT good but just because ... it was ONE HECK of a final! I loved it mostly. Really, nekkid!Doctor, snog, oldschool!Jack, supertemp!Donna - what more could I have asked for? But I guess it's needless to say that Doomsday² left me sobbing and broken while at the same time deliriously happy for Rose and Ten², both. I gave much thought into the Ten² issue and, by now, I am a real Ten² fangirl (and I will NOT call him 10.5 - sounds stupid. He is Ten². Fullstop.) - WE NEED MORE LOVE FOR TEN² - who's with me?!
She didn't think she could have ever foreseen what the past hours had brought. Not in her wildest possible imagination had she thought that she could have it all while at the same time losing it all again.
Rose Tyler knows the man kissing her, his hands deep in her hair, lips speaking of love and oh-so-much passion iis/i him. Her Doctor. He smells the same, tastes the same, feels the same and still ... it is not him.
He pushes her back against the wall with a little more force than strictly necessary and she is thankful because it drags her mind back to the present, back to the man pressed against her, loving her, unafraid. She gasps when he bites her neck and claws at his suit, dragging it off his shoulders. Blue. The suit is blue. Where did he get a blue suit from anyway? The fabric is slightly different and she does not want to feel it, does not want to remember how he is different from ... himself really.
"Rose ..." he whispers in a hoarse voice and she pushes back, even further into his arms, kissing him again and he returns the assault, their mouths opening in a wild, desperate battle.
How much he had to be hurting right now. He had been standing there, on the beach and the pain of her choosing a human version of him had made him run away without a goodbye ... even though it had been what he wanted all along. Oh how she felt for him and she held him even closer to her as his hands pushes up her shirt, his fingers sliding tenderly over the skin of her abdomen, stroking her hips and pushing the annoying fabric out of the way. Her skin seemed to be on fire and his fingers felt cool against her. Out of nowhere, a blast of passion came crashing down on her and she wrenched herself out of his grip, pushed him while at the same time not letting go, afraid he might vanish again. Pushing him more and more until he fell over backwards, hitting her mattress with a surprisingly soft 'thud'.
Only moments later she was above him, her mouth crashing back down on his, teeth clattering and his movements started to become frantic. He yanked her top off, not caring where it went. Her fingers came down on his chest, blindly moving, searching for the buttons of the shirt she knew he'd been wearing but not discovering any. Suddenly she knew why. This was not the Doctor wearing a light blue shirt under his brown pinstripe suit, not iher/i Doctor and suddenly she felt the anger.
Anger at him for once again taking matters into his own hands, doing things he believed right without telling her, asking her, not once. He had done what he believed best, had been self sacrificing to the very end and still here she was, hurting, left with ... with what?
Rose stilled above him, looking down at him. his eyes though opened wide were slightly unfocused and hazy, his mouth, the same, thin lips, parted to let much needed air into his oh-so-human body in huge gasps. The same eager tongue that had proved what she had always known - wished for anyway. His eyes, the same colour brown and still ... it was the eyes that made him seem the slightest, tiniest bit different. It wasn't that they didn't show the suffering, they did. When she looked into them she saw the pain over the loss of so much so dear to him. His planet, his people, so many friends over the years, and all of a sudden she realised that 'this' Doctor had lost even more. He had just a few hours ago single-handedly extinguished an entire race only to be left alone on a Norwegian beach not even granted a goodbye to the people he held so dear, and all the time she'd been leaning on him, let him support her.
He had seen how his other self happily said goodbye to a joyous Sarah-Jane Smith, had seen Martha walk away with Jack from afar and had now even lost Donna. He had lost them all, each and every one of them, she could see it in his eyes, the pain, the raw freshness of it mirroring her own loss in many ways and suddenly she felt for him. Shared his suffering and what was even more important, she now knew what made him different from his predecessor. No matter how much pain he was in, what he had lost, in his eyes she could see so much love, open and bare. He loved her ridiculously and completely and he was not afraid to show it.
Rose laid back a little, slightly overcome with the realisations she had had, needed space. Silently, his eyes following her, she laid down next to him on their bed. She drew her knees up against her chest and looked at him for a long time, grateful that he seemed to sense she needed the space, the silence.
Gently, she picked up one of his hands, studying it closely. This was her happy ending, more than she ever could have asked for. This was the Doctor because he wasn't selfish by telling her those words, not at all. He had left an entire universe to tend for itself, had left the only people behind who would ever be able to understand him even the slightest bit, hadn't even said goodbye and all that for her.
"Rose ..." His voice broke through her twirling thoughts and she looked away from his hand and up in his eyes.
"If you ... if you need time ... I understand." Rose felt a lone tear slide down her cheek, warmth spreading out inside her, fighting away the dark and painful thoughts. She looked at him for a few more moments, him nearly sitting before her, hair tussled, one hand in hers, his thumb lightly tracing patterns over her hand and could not hold back any more. With a laugh that might as well have been a sob she lurched herself into his arms, her face buried into his neck and her arms tightly around him.
"I don't need time, all I need is you", she whispered, trying to bring him closer. He stiffened, she could feel it, felt him draw away, wanting to look at her.
"But ... I thought ... what about him?", he whispered, his right hand touching her cheek lightly, the whisper of a touch.
"What about whom? You are the Doctor, you are the one I have been waiting for all this time. There once was someone, back in another world and he will always, always be a part of me and a part of who I am and I will never ever forget him but if you love me, love who I am now, you have to believe that ... I love you, too."