So, since it is Halloween time and all, I thought I'd try a new genre.
Now, as we all know, whenever I stray from my typical, Drama/Angst categories, I tend to fail
miserably, so let's be nice, as it is my birthday and all. Thank you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Title: The One With The Scooby Doo Cartoon
Genre: Horror/Mystery/Comedy (let's just shove 'em all into one fic, shall we?)
Rating: PG-13/R
Setup: (season 3-ish) Monica and Chandler are not together. Ross and Rachel are together.
Joey and Pheobe are single.
Summary: The gang spends the night at a haunted house on Halloween.
Spoilers: none, really.
Rip-offs: Just about every haunted house movie ever made, and a really cool episode of "The X-Files".

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chandler sat in his Barcalounger, flipping through various channels. He often wondered whether
having hundreds of cable channels to choose from was a blessing or a curse. He sighed heavily,
as his thumb hit the same button over and over again. He finally landed on the Cartoon Network,
and smiled as he set down the remote.
"Hey," Joey said as he walked into the apartment.
"Hey," Chandler said robotically, never removing his eyes from the glowing screen.
"Scooby Doo!" Joey said enthusiastically, as he threw down his back pack and jumped into his
own chair.
"I think this is the one where they stumble onto a mystery," Chander joked.
"Oh, this is a good one, then," Joey replied, oblivious to Chandler's sarcasm.

They sat in silence, each trying to figure out the cartoon mystery.
"Oh-oh, I'll bet it's the sheriff," Joey said after a minute.
"No way! It's Mr. Arnold, the old geezer who owns the farm!" Chandler argued.
"Whatever man," Joey huffed, shaking his head.

*

Monica and Rachel finished decorating the apartment, and sat down to enjoy a glass of wine.
"Ya know, since we put up all these cool decorations, we ought to have a Halloween party," Rachel said.
"Yeah, but if we were gonna do that, we should've started planning it last month!" Monica replied.
Rachel shook her head. Sometimes Monica's obsessive-compulsive side was just too much.
"What *are* we doing for Halloween this year, anyway?" Rachel asked.
Before Monica could answer, Chandler and Joey came storming into the apartment.
"Aw, Joe, you are just mad that I was right!" Chandler gloated.
"We were both right! Before Velma took off the second mask, they all thought it was the sheriff!"
"Yes, but it wasn't actually the sheriff after all! That Velma is very crafty!" Chandler laughed.
"What the hell are you two babbling about?" Rachel asked.
"Scooby Doo," both men replied, as though Rachel should have already known.
"They got stuck in this haunted house, but it turns out it wasn't really haunted, it was just
an evil trick to keep people away," Joey explained.
"Oh, well, yeah, of course!" Monica and Rachel said sarcastically.
"You do know that there is no such thing as ghosts," Monica said.
"What?" Pheobe asked as she walked into the apartment carring a bag full of candy and a fake
severed arm. "You don't believe in ghosts?" She stared at Monica quizically.
"Well, I just...I've never seen one, and I just..." Monica stammered.
"Ghosts are much too messy for Monica," Chandler interrupted, evoking an evil glare from Monica.
"Pheebs, what's with the arm?" Joey asked.
"Oh, you know, to scare the trick-or-treaters," Pheobe replied.
"To scare them, or to put them in therapy for the next thirty years?" Chandler asked.
"It's a severed arm, not a cross-dressing father," Pheobe replied.
Chandler gave Pheobe the "Geller Finger", as Ross walked in and greeted the gang.
"Hey you," he said, kissing Rachel.
"Hi," she replied dreamily.
"What's going on?" Ross asked the gang.
"Well, we were talking about how Monica doesn't believe in ghosts."
"Well, there is no scientific evidence to prove that they exist, but many cultures rely on
spirits to tell futures, warn of dangers, or help the community in times of need."

This was met with blank stares by the gang.

"Oh hey, do you guys wanna see a ghost?" Pheobe asked.
"Yeah!" They all replied, though Joey said it a bit louder than the rest.
"There's an old abandoned house, about 70 miles outside of the City, that is supposed to be
haunted by several ghosts."
"Really?" Joey asked.
"Yep. Apparently, like, a hundred years ago, this guy used to lure young couples to the house,
promising a romantic getaway. Then he would slaughter them and bury them in the basement."
"That's disgusting," Chandler said flatly.
"More disgusting than this?" Pheobe asked, waving her fake severed arm in front of Chandler.
"Ew, back off!" Chandler yelled.
"What a wuss," Monica laughed.
"So, do you guys wanna go?" Pheobe asked.
"Yeah, okay!!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*October 31 (Halloween Night)*

"Wow, this house is creepy," Chandler said, as the group made their way up the weed-covered
stone steps.
"Aw, are ya scared?" Monica teased.
"Shut up," Chandler replied.
"Hey, be quiet, you guys," Ross said, as he led the group up to the house.

The large, oak door creaked as Ross opened it, and a cool autumn breeze kicked up, causing a draft.
As Ross opened the door wider, the draft blew into the foyer of the house, pulling in dried leaves,
and scattering ancient dirt and dust throughout the room. A large, crystal chandelier hung from the
ceiling, and as Rachel looked up, she could see the cobwebs that covered it rustle slightly.
An eerie chill fell upon the group as they made their way into the house. Chandler, Ross and
Pheobe pulled out flashlights, and scanned the room slowly. A small wooden table stood next to
the front door, and on that there was an empty crystal vase. A large, elaborately framed mirror
hung above the table. On the wall to the right of the door, a large, ominous-looking Grandfather clock
stood alone. To the left of the front door, was a large doorway, leading to what appeared to be
a small living room or parlour. And right in front of the group, opposite the front door, stood a
large, majectic staircase.
"Wow," Monica said, "This place is huge."
"And, may I add, creepy," Chandler whispered.
Suddenly, the front door swung shut, slamming with a thunderous boom. The echo seemed to reverberate
through the entire house, and as Rachel looked up again, she saw the chandelier swaying back and forth.
"Wow, that must be some wind," Ross laughed nervously.
"Yeah," Joey replied, and walked to the front door. He turned the long brass handle and yanked
on the door. When it didn't respond, Joey pulled harder.
"It's stuck," he muttered.
"C'Mon Joe, that's not funny," Rachel said.
"I'm not kidding, it won't open!"
Ross walked over to help Joey, but had little luck himself.
"This isn't funny," Rachel said, and walked to the door, jiggling the handle. She hit the door
in frusteration.
"I knew it!! We are gonna die in here!" she whined.
"Oh, we are not," Monica said. There is more than one way out of this house. But we just got here,
so let's go explore!" Monica grabbed Chandler's flashlight and headed into the next room.
"Hey," Chandler protested, but followed closely behind Monica.
The others shrugged and followed them into the parlour.

"Look at all these old paintings," Pheobe said, as she and Joey scanned the back of the room.
"Hey, this chick is naked!" Joey giggled.
"It's art, Joey," Pheobe said.
"Art, porn-whatever!"

"What are you doing, Ross? Put that down!" Rachel exclaimed.
"What, it's not like anyone else is gonna use it," Ross said, thumbing through the dusty old book.
The yellowed pages crackled as he flipped through them.
"Well, you might annoy the...whatever that lives here!" Rachel said, her eyes darting around the
room frantically.
"Rach, come on," Ross said.
"Put it down!" she hissed.
"Fine," Ross dropped the book back onto the table, and it landed with a thud, kicking up dust and
lint.

"Man, I would kill for drapes like these," Monica said, as she ran her hands up and down the green
velvet window dressings.
"Really? Kill who?" Chandler laughed nervously.
Monica shot Chandler a look, then peered out the giant picture window. It overlooked the back garden,
a large, sprawling peice of land that was at one time covered with grass, and what appeared to be fruit
trees. The area was now nothing more than a dark, desolate tree graveyard. Suddenly, Monica saw
a faint light, shining onto the dead grass from what looked like the next room. She leaned closer
to the window, trying to get a better look. A shadow swept past the window, causing Monica to jump back.
"What?" Chandler asked.
"I dunno," Monica said. "Must have been an animal or something." She looked over at the door to her
right, and decided to investigate the source of the light that was shining from the next room.
"C'mon you guys, let's go in there," She said, as she and Chandler headed for the door.
The other four followed, but the door connecting the two rooms slammed shut immediately after
Chandler entered the room.

"Monica! Chandler!" Ross yelled, as he pounded on the door.

There was no response.

Ross slammed his shoulder up against the door, but the solid oak was too sturdy, and Ross
bounced right off of it.
"Monica!!" he yelled again.

Still no response.

"What are we gonna do?" Pheobe asked.
"We have *got* to stay together," Ross said in a panic, "And we have to try to get to Monica & Chandler."
"Ross, calm down. We know that they are still in the house. We'll find them eventually," Rachel was
being unusally calm.
"Let's just make sure we stick together," Ross repeated, as the group made their way out of the parlour and
up the staircase.

At the top of the stairs, the group stood at the entrance to a large, dark hallway.
The walls were covered with old paintings and mirrors, and small tables lined the right side
of the wall.
"C'Mon," Ross whispered. He and Pheobe scanned the hallway with their flashlights, as the
foursome walked down the corridor.
"Shh," Ross said.
"I didn't say anything," Joey replied.
"Me either."
"Wasn't me."
"Someone was whispering," Ross argued. "Knock it off."
Pheobe swung her flashlight back and forth along the north wall.
"I think there is someone else here," she whispered.
"Maybe it's Monica and Chandler," Rachel said hopefully.
Silence filled the room, as they continued down the long corridor. It seemed to get colder and
colder as they neared the end of the hall. Pheobe swung her flashlight around, unable to shake
the feeling that they were being watched. Pheobe's flashlight fell on an old painting, and she
felt a chill go up her spine. The painting was unbelievably life-like. The group came to the
end of the hallway, and stopped. Suddenly, they all heard the whispering that Ross had been hearing.
Rachel grabbed Ross' arm.
"Let's get the hell out of this hallway," she said.
Ross nodded and turned to open the door that stood at the end of the hall.

It wouldn't open.

Ross jiggled the handle, and pushed on the door, but it wouldn't budge.
"Dammit," he mumbled. He then turned to the others.
"We are gonna have to go back."
"Back down the hallway?" Rachel asked nervously.
They turned to leave, and suddenly, they heard the sound of a door clicking open, and creaking
as it slowly widened. Too afraid to turn around, Rachel clung to Ross tightly. Ross slowly
turned his head, and aimed his flashlight into the room.

The room appeared to be empty.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ross!! Joey!!" Chandler pounded on the door.
"I don't think they can hear us," Monica said.
"Dammit," Chandler muttered, and turned to look at the room that they were stuck in.
The room was enourmous. It was two stories, and Monica and Chandler found themselves
on the bottom half. The second level was more like a platform that lined the perimeter
of the room. Old, dusty books lined every part of every wall in the room.
In the centre of the room sat two tables, several reading chairs, and a fireplace.
In the fireplace, a small fire was burning.
"Mon, someone lives here," Chandler whispered.
"That must be the source of the light I saw before."
"We gotta find the others and get out of here. We're trespassing."
"Yeah," Monica said, though it was evident that she wasn't listening. Her eyes were locked onto
something in the corner of the room.
"Mon?" Chandler looked at Monica, then followed her gaze. He saw nothing unusual, and was
confused as to what she was staring at.
"Monica?"
"Chandler," Monica said, her voice shaky and uneven, "we need to get out of here...now."
Chandler again looked at the corner that Monica was staring at, his eyes squinting. He still
saw nothing. Suddenly, Monica grabbed his hand. Her hand was cold and clammy, and she was
trembling.
"Mon, are you okay?"
Monica supplied no response, she simply began searching for a way out. She spotted a door on
the second level, and looked around for a staircase.
"We have to get up there," Monica said, pointing to the second level.
Chandler decided to give up on questioning Monica's strange behaviour. He spotted a ladder,
attached to a rail along the perimeter, and pulled Monica toward it.
"Come on," he said softly, and released her hand as she began to climb the ladder. He began to
climb after her, watching her carefully as she continued to nervously scan the room.
Chandler was halfway up the ladder when Monica reached the top. She turned and stood, watching as
Chandler made his way up. Suddenly, the ladder began to shake violently, and Chandler was thrown from
the ladder, hitting the hardwood floor below with a thud.
"Chandler!" Monica screamed. She reached for the ladder, but it was gone. She looked around,
panic filling her soul. She looked down at Chandler, who had not moved.
"Chandler!" she screamed again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ross walked into the room first, panning the room with his flashlight. Rachel had a tight grip
on his other arm, and Joey and Pheobe were close behind. The room was large, but almost totally empty.
The walls were stark white, and a small fireplace sat directly opposite the door. Along the south
wall, there were three large, picture windows, each covered with dark curtains. Along the north
wall there was a small table, with a mirror hanging above it. Another, larger mirror hung above the
mantle. Black iron sconces lined the walls, each sconce holding a thick, white pillar candle.
Next to the fireplace, there was another door. Ross figured that whomever it was that opened the
first door must have exited the room through this one. He walked toward the door, and was surprised
to find that it opened easily. The four friends walked through the door, and into the next room.
The room looked exactly like the one they had left. Everything, down to the fireplace and drapes,
looked exactly the same. Ross shook his head, and walked through the next door, only to find that
they were standing in the same room again.
"What the hell is going on?" Joey said in frusteration.
Ross didn't reply, he was too deep in thought. He decided to go back to the first room.
"Come on," he said, and backtracked to the first room they were in. Ross took a deep breath,
and opened the door, stepping into the hallway. He looked around, and was astonished to see that
he and Rachel were not in the hallway. They were in the white room again. And Joey and Pheobe
were nowhere to be seen.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The first thing that Chandler was aware of was that his head was throbbing. He opened his eyes,
and moaned softly. He surveyed his surroundings. Where the hell was he? All he saw were books.
It was then that it came back to him.
"Monica?"
"Chandler! Thank God! Are you okay?" Monica replied, though Chandler couldn't see her.
"Where are you?"
"Up here," Monica waved.
Chandler looked up and saw Monica. He scanned the room, looking for the ladder.
"What did you do with the ladder?"
"I dunno. It just vanished after you fell."
"What?"
"It just...disappeared," Monica laughed, not really believing it herself.
"Oookay," Chandler said, shaking the fog from his head. He stood up slowly, and scanned the
room again.
"Maybe you can go out that door and try to find the others...or try to find a way to open that
other door," Chandler pointed to the door that he and Monica had initially come through.
"I don't think it's a good idea to seperate," Monica said warily.
Chandler nodded. He didn't really like the idea of seperating either. He walked over to one
of the tables, and started to drag it across the room. He looked up, trying to determine just
how far he would have to jump in order to grab on to the railing that lined the second level.

There was no way he'd make it.

"Shit," he mumbled quietly, running his hands through his hair.
"Chandler? Are you okay?" Monica said from above.
"Yeah." Chandler backed up so that he could see Monica again. She looked so small and helpless.
He smiled at her broadly, and managed to produce a small smile.
"It'll be fine, Mon," he said confidently.
"Should I try to come down?"
"No. Maybe I should try to find the ladder." Chandler scratched his head and looked around.
There was no way that the ladder just disappeared. Someone must have taken it.

But who?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Where's Joey and Pheobe?" Ross asked, as he and Rachel walked back into the next room.
"They were right here!" Rachel said.
"Joe! Pheobe!" Ross called and walked into the adjacent room. Rachel followed close behind.
"Ross!" Rachel gasped, as she looked around the room. They were not standing in the white room
anymore. The room that surrounded them was much larger. A giant window lined the south wall.
There were elegant paintings lining the others, and a large hardwood floor in the centre of the room.
Large, crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, as the Halloween moon shone through the window,
casting large, uneven shadows on the walls and floor.
"This room in enourmous!" Ross exclaimed.
"I think it's a ballroom," Rachel said, enchanted by the thought. She imagined large, elaborate
dances, with women dressed in their finest gowns, twirling along the floor with their handsome suitors.
She smiled slightly, as her mind drifted. She was jolted back to reality by Ross, who yanked her arm
as he pulled her toward another door.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"To find the others," Ross replied, as they left the ballroom.
They walked down a narow corridor, and soon found themselves in a small kitchen. A wood burning stove
sat in the corner, and a long, rectangular, wooden table sat in the centre of the room. Along
the west wall there was a set of cabinets, and a small sink.
"Uh, I am starving," Rachel muttered, as they passed through the kitchen.
"Me too, babe," Ross said, pointing his flashlight straight ahead. He stopped suddenly, causing
Rachel to run into him.
"Hey," she said, as her eyes followed the beam of Ross' flashlight.
Standing before them, was a man, in his mid to late 50's, wearing an old suit and a black wool
trenchcoat.
In his right hand was a large knife.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ross!" Joey yelled, as he and Pheobe backtracked into the first white room.
"Where'd they go?" Phoebe asked, grabbing Joey's hand nervously.
"I dunno," Joey said, his eyes panning the room.
"This is ridiculous," Phoebe said, as she and Joey made their way back down the hallway,
and down the staircase.
"Where could they all be?" Joey said, concern filling his voice.
"I don't know, but I don't like the feeling that I am getting here. Something isn't right."
The two of them headed into another unexplored room, finding themselves in what must have been
the formal dining room. A long, rectangular dining table took up most of the space in the room,
and the walls were painted a dark burgandy. A small table in the corner held stackes of white
plates and saucers, and several water pitchers. Pheobe swung her flashlight back and forth,
scanning the room suspiciously. She was again overcome with the feeling that they were being watched.
Suddenly, the chairs around the table began to tip over, one by one.
"What the hell?" Joey yelled, as he and Pheobe made a beeline for the door. The double doors swung
shut in front of them, and the stacks of white plates began flying, like porceline frisbees, through
the air. They smashed into the walls, shattering into a hundred pieces next to Pheobe and Joey's heads.
They both screamed, as they tried desperately to dodge the flying plates. They fell to the floor,
and crawled under the dining table. The table above them began to shake violently.
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" Pheobe screamed to no one, her arms covering her head.
Joey wrapped his arms protectively around Pheobe, and silently prayed that they would make it
through the night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chandler began scanning the room again, trying to find a way to get to Monica.
Suddenly, he heard a shrill scream.

Monica.

"Monica?" Chandler yelled, as he ran back to the spot where he had fallen. He could no longer
see Monica, and she didn't answer him when he'd called.
"Monica?"
"Chandler!" Monica's voice sounded muffled, distant.
Chandler felt himself going into a panic. He had to get to Monica, no matter what. He clambered
up onto the table he had moved earlier, and jumped as high as he could, struggling to reach the
platform above his head. He missed on the first attempt, and as he steadied himself to try again,
he suddenly felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. He turned his head, but saw nothing.
He jumped again, but this time, he felt his body fly through the air, and slam up against the wall
across the room. It was as if someone had pushed, or thrown him. His body was lifted again,
and was thrown in the other direction. He braced himself for the impact, but was swung around,
and hit the wall much harder than he had anticipated. He fell to the ground, groaning in pain.

Monica watched helplessly, as Chandler was flung around the room like a rag doll. She struggled
to move, but an unseen force was holding her to the ground. Suddenly, Chander was thrown to
the ground, and seconds later she felt herself being thrown across the room. She hit the wall
near the door that she and Chandler had originally entered. She quickly grabbed the doorknob,
and held on as tightly as she could. She felt her feet come out from under her, but she was
determined to stay where she was. Then, as suddenly as it has appeared, the invisible force
stopped, and Monica's feet dropped back down to the ground. She caught her breath, still
reluctant to let go of the doorknob. She slowly released the knob with one hand, and stood up
straight. Her breath caught in her throat, as she suddenly felt a strong hand on her arm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rachel stood frozen in place, as the beam of Ross' flashlight began to tremble.
The man seemed to be looking past Ross and Rachel. Ross opened his mouth to say
something to the strange man, but as suddenly as he had appeared, he was gone, vanished
into thin air.
"Wh-where did he go?" Rachel asked.
"I don't know, but we have got to get out of here," Ross said.
Ross grabbed Rachel's hand and ran into the next room.
The room that they entered was large, and nearly empty. The walls were white, and yellow
curtains adorned a large picture window on the west wall. The only piece of furniture
in the room was a large black Grand piano. As soon as Ross and Rachel were inside the room,
the door behind them slammed shut, and the curtains closed. Ross' flashlight spun out of
his hands, and Ross and Rachel found themselves in total darkness. Ross grabbed Rachel, and
pulled her toward what he hoped to be a wall. Suddenly, the piano began playing a familiar tune.
Rachel tightened her grip on Ross, as the two of them strainted to see anything in the pitch
blackness that surrounded them. Then, as suddenly as it had started, the music stopped, and
Ross and Rachel sank down into a corner of the room, shaking, as the silence surrounded them.
The silence was broken when the sound of footsteps filled the air. They listened, as one foot
hit the ground, and the second foot dragged slowly behind. Rachel closed her eyes, as the
footsteps grew louder. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They were doomed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The early morning sun shone brightly through the dead fruit trees lining the back garden.
The sound of birds chirping, and cars whizzing down the street woke Ross from his apparent
nightmare. He looked around, and saw that he was still huddled in the corner of the music
room, with Rachel sleeping uneasily in his arms. He blinked furiously, as his eyes adjusted
to the early morning light. He wasn't sure what had happened last night. Everything just
seemed to go black. The last thing he remembered was running into this room and losing his
flashlight. He shook his head, and decided not to dwell on it. Rachel stirred, and slowly
opened her eyes.
"Ross?"
"I'm right here," he reassured her softly.
"What happened?"
"I...I don't know sweetie."
"Where are the others?"
"We need to find them," Ross said, and stood up.
"I hope they are okay."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joey woke up suddenly, and noticed immediately that he was on the floor. He then noticed that
Pheobe was lying next to him, cradled protectively in his arms. Lastly, he noticed that they
were under a table. The events of the previous evening were a blur at best. He remembered being
attacked by dinner plates, and silently vowing that he would only use paper plates and plastic
spoons from now on. He remembered Pheobe screaming, but at that point, the night became a total
blur. He shook Pheobe gently.
"Pheebs," he whispered.
"Hmmm," Pheobe moaned, then stirred slightly.
"Pheebs, wake up."
Pheobe opened her eyes, and surveyed her surroundings. Her mind seemed to be where Joey's was
just seconds before.
"Come on," Joey said, "let's go find the other guys."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Monica awoke to find herself in Chandler's arms. She smiled, happy to see that they had both
made it through the night. She remembered both her and Chandler had been thrown about by
someone or something that did not want them here. She remembered grabbing onto the door that
she was now sleeping against. But after that, everything was fuzzy. She looked at Chandler's
sleeping figure, and wondered if it had all been a weird dream. Her smile faded when she saw
a large bruise forming on the side of Chandler's face. What had happened was indeed real, but
why couldn't she remember much of it? She sat up and stratched slowly, and silently hoped that
the others had made it through the night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the light of day, the foyer of the old house did not seem as ominous or creepy. Though it was
very old and dusty, it did not have the strange vibe that it did the night before. Ross and Rachel
walked into the foyer, and saw Joey and Pheobe emerge.
"Pheebs! Joey!!" Ross said, as he and Rachel hugged their friends.
"It seems like we haven't seen you in years!" Joey said.
"I know!"
"Where's Monica and Chandler?"
"We're here," Monica called, as she and Chandler emerged.
"Wow, Chandler, what happened to your face?" Rachel asked.
"Don't ask," Chandler laughed uneasily, as they all realized that the night's events were too
surreal to talk about, even in the light of day.
"Let's get the hell out of here," Joey said finally, as he opened the large front door.
The group shuffled out of the house, and walked down the stone steps toward the street.
As they approached Pheobe's taxi, Monica turned to the group.
"So, what are we doing for Thanksgiving?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!