Karaokefather

DISCLAIMER: The characters used, and alluded to in this piece are no property of my own, but that of J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer.

Hawk to Bumblebee, hawk to bumblebee! Dark lord has stolen the fountain of youth!! Repeat. Dark lord has stolen the fountain of youth.

Bumblebee: Don't a worry a Fawkes a. He won'ta hava it for longa. I'm gonna make him a offer he can't refuse.

In case you were wondering. Fawkes discovered she was a Hawkmon about two months ago. And that she could speak.

Hawk: And what might that be??

Bumblebee: well, you'll see...it's good...(chuckles)

Just then the Gay lair explodes...(that's where Dumbledore is)It's Voldemort. He waltzes in arms crossed childishly across his chest, dressed in his sleeping cloak. It has Abba written all over it.

Voldy: Where'sa my Karaoke a machina, you fiend a!! (Voldemort stamps his feet for added drama. Like a little girl, i must say.)

Yes, Dumbledore has taken Voldemort's one true love...his Karaoke machine! This is the part where you gasp!

Bumblebee: Whera the fountaina? Voldasexa!

Voldesexa: Wormtails a bringing a it...a.

Truth be told, Wormtail was bringing it,until...

Bumblebee: Wella? Where..a is..a it...a?

Voldesexa: Well, i could a hava sworn a he wasa righta behinda me...a

That was two hours ago when they had left evil headquarters on foot. Voldesexa felt unsure his yogalates was doing the trick...he was weight conscience you know. In fact, Voldesexa was so busy talking about this other chick at yogalates that he didn't notice Wormtail being flattened by the weight of the fountain just outside the door.Voldesexa was all about himself, all the time. Wormtail had thought about suicide,but things had just began to look up when he was offered a temp job at Disneyland. He didn't intend to go that way at all...then who expects to be squashed to death by a fountain??Needless to say,that was the end of Wormtail...and Voldesexa didn't have the fountain to exchange for his beloved Karaoke machine.

Voldesexa: Well a, that's justa typical!! It's lika the time..a..i missed The Beckhams moving to America a, when a I had to stop Pottera stealinga my curling tongsa!!

Bumblebee: Well...a ...voldesexa,it looks like i'll be keeping a it a then!!And SINGING QUEEN ON IT!!

Voldesexa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! He screamed falling to the ground, carpet-burning his knees, making him cry in the process!

According to Voldemort, Queen was the worst band ever!!And most inadequately named! This was turning out to be the worst day of his life,ever. First, he woke up to find he had gained 5 pounds (Wormtail had gave him Calteen bars...It was to be his final,and only revenge). Then his coco pops didn't turn the milk chocolaty...(Wormtail had put them in full-fat milk too!) Usually Voldesexa didn't eat coco pops, he thought you gained weight just by reading the cover...But he was in a bad mood, and needed chocolate. His therapist said otherwise he would kill himself. His therapist would love it if he did, but needed the money. His name was Remus Lupin. Then Voldesexa was refused entry into Chanel. He looked too shabby, according to the new doorman, Sirius Black.

Then, when he went to get Wormtail after contact was made with Bumblebee for a random. It was then he found out that Dumbledore had his beloved Antonio, the Karaoke machine. Voldesexa was about to have a nervous breakdown right in the middle of the nail salon, when Wormtail fell down some stairs and cheered him right up.

He decided life was too short to get depressed, but bought a black wig and headed back to get the fountain. Wormtail, unconscious on the ground was forced to his feet, and told to carry Voldesexa's 'depressed shopping' bags. It was truly the

He was ok up until now, raving to Wormtail, who wasn't behind him but under the fountain outside the door, about how the girls at yogalates "needed a ta dropa a few a poundsa" and how he was going to pull bumblebee's "haira righta outa it's curlersa and laugha ata his half curleda hair"! What evil intent!

Voldesexa: Don'ta worry ma Lova...i willa be backa for a you!! He said, pulling his cloak around him in a huff. It's true...it was his love.

It was truly the worse day of his life.It was so much worse than the time Harry defeated him as a baby!

Voldemort charged off, desperate on revenge. What could he do to get back at him??

Voldesexa: Ah...i know...he mused, thinking up a truly devious plan. Even for him.

His plan hit fruition, when Bumblebee discovered the head of a horse in his bed, and Voldesexa in his closet, tittering away to himself...not because of his scheme but because he had found a condom. OMG! A condom! How bad of me!

Voldesexa: Nowa, i have truly gotta you backa!! He laughed...

Bumblebee: But..a Voldesexa...you passed the Karaoke a machine on the waya upa the stairs, unattendeda...i wasa in the bathrooma...and this isn't evena my horse a...i don'ta hava horsa

Just then, Snape rushed inside. Snape was with Voldasexa...in case things got heavy. Hawk, or Fawkes as we know her, followed.

Snape: SPARKLES!! THATA MY HORSA!

Voldesexa: SHIT! It's ok, i have-a one final surprise a for you! I have-a reinforcements...a!!

Just then, Edward Cullen walked in. He was rather sick of Bella and her pill-popping ways. Also, Voldesexa had no problems with Edward sucking his blood all day long, He thought he was getting the fountain of youth after all! Edward was only there for the blood. He hated the smell of Voldesexa's skin...it smelt like a mixture of vomit and old man...

Snape: YOU KILLA MA HORSE!!I KILLA YOU!!A!

A scuffle began.

In the meantime...

Bumblebee: AHHH! THE ULTIMATE WEAPON!! THE SPARKLES ARE MAKING ME BLIND!!

All Edward was doing was standing there yawning. He didn't need to do any more, he is Edward Cullen after all.

Hawk: It's worse than a Basalisk's stare!!AVERT YOUR EYES, BUMBLEBEE!

They fell to the floor in a heap.

(They're too busy going blind to speak like Italian Americans)

They were so hurt by the sparkle of the Vampire, they could not see Snape kill Voldesexa.

And thus...The Lion was killed by the lamb...

In a far corner of Italy. It's now a sport you know.

"I must see it!" Exclaimed Edward lamely, somehow hearing the narration. He's that brilliant!

He then swam to Italy! He did not wait until he got to the sea, even, He just swam. Like only a purely intoxicating and truly developed Vampire should,

Then, Bumblebee was revived when Hawk started singing. It's only fitting.

And thus, our crazy tale ends, without proper resolution as only a good story should...Meyer would be proud!