Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

A/N: This was co-written with sweetishbubble.

Desperation - Chapter 1

From New Moon:

I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.

"Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut.

It all happened very quickly then.

"No!" Edward roared.

He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal.

Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.

There was another noise, grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face.

Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.


Somehow, Jasper was able to get out of Emmett's grip and past Edward. Before I could blink, I felt a new pain, a familiar burning pain. This time the pain was traveling faster than it had when James had caused it. I didn't have the strength to move, talk, or even blink my eyes. Everything seemed like it was falling away from me.

"Bella!" Edward yelled, but even that sounded like it was further away then I knew it was.

I felt like I was drowning. It was hard to breathe; from a distance I could hear Edward and the others, but no matter how hard I fought, I couldn't get back to them. Just before the darkness consumed me, I saw Edward's face. I desperately wanted to reach out and touch his beautiful, marble skin one last time, but I couldn't. Within a moment, he was gone.


"BELLA! BELLA! BELLA, TALK TO ME, PLEASE!" I pleaded as I took her body into my arms.

"Edward, let me past you," Carlisle said.

"NO!" I roared, terrified to let anyone else near her.

"Edward, I have to look at her so I can try to help!" Carlisle pleaded.

It was only when I heard him thinking he hoped it wasn't too late that I allowed him to pass. The possibility of such a thing made the horror that much clearer.

Gently, I laid Bella on the floor. Esme had brought over Carlisle's bag, and I waited as I watched him look her over. I followed his thoughts closely, and quickly the panic began to set in as I registered the negativity in his mind. Almost abruptly, he began CPR, working as quickly as possible. This couldn't be happening - he had to be mistaken, it would not be too late.

Please, please, please let her be okay, I thought to myself. She can't be gone. She can't be gone.

My family was becoming utterly distracting as their thoughts became more chaotic. Emmett had Jasper up against the wall, restraining him, horrified at what had just transpired. Jasper was still struggling to get free, shame mixed with intense hunger written across his face. His thoughts were completely irrational and confused. The smell of Bella's blood filled the room, and I knew it was hard for him. It was hard for all of us. Everyone else was in pure disbelief, staring at the scene in front of them.

My focus was brought back to Bella when I heard Carlisle zip up his bag, his last thought being one of remorse. I looked at him as he released a hard sigh, refusing to believe what he was thinking. As if that weren't enough, the rest of my family began to overwhelm me with their sentiments as well.

Oh God.

"Edward," Carlisle began softly.

"NO! DO NOT SAY IT!" I pleaded, as if that would change the situation.

"Son, I am - " he began again.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! YOU MAKE IT RIGHT! HEAL HER!" I roared, motioning uselessly to the cuts that covered my love's broken body, my gaze finally resting on the bite on her neck.

"I can't," Carlisle murmured regretfully.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, perplexed. She couldn't understand why Bella wouldn't start changing. She had been bitten, after all.

"She's gone," Carlisle answered somberly.

"Gone? Do you mean..." Esme began, fading off. She was afraid to actually speak the words in front of me. She was shocked, as was everyone in the room.

"How can she be gone? She was only bit a few minutes ago," Alice asked.

Carlisle sighed. "From what I can tell, her system went into shock; she appears to have gone into cardiac arrest," he explained quietly. "Combined with the blood loss from Jasper's considerable bite, along with the rather large gash she has on her arm, it was just too much, too fast. Her heart gave out before the venom could reach it - rather than changing, she died," he finished.

"Check her again, please," I said, forcing myself to remain calm. There had to be a chance that she could still be saved.

"Edward, son, there's nothing I can do. She's gone," Carlisle replied softly.

I looked around at my family. Jasper had sunk to the floor, his head buried in his hands. Emmett was still standing over him with Rosalie at his side, and Alice and Esme were next to me. None of us knew what to do, and everyone's thoughts were blurring together as I began to realize the severity of the situation. Slowly, I looked down at Bella. There was a large gash in her arm and blood was still trickling out of it.

Not hesitating, I scooped Bella's body up into my arms and flew up to my room, slamming my door. I was not ready to say goodbye; I wouldn't, and they couldn't take her from me. It had to all be a mistake, she couldn't be gone. We just needed time, time for her to wake up, or something...anything.

Gently, I placed her on my couch. Alice and Esme were coming up the stairs; I could hear them, and they were thinking of every possible way to try to reason with me. Curling up next to Bella, I took her in my arms again, just the way we used to lay at night. I pushed the hair back from her face. Her skin was growing cold, like mine. Her brown eyes were blank, for her soul had already left her. Instinctively, I started humming her lullaby, wishing for a miracle that would bring her back to me.

"Edward?" Esme called softly, opening my door.

"Go away," I replied abruptly.

"Edward, please. We need to figure out what to do here," Esme whispered. She felt horrible, her pain evident in every part of her, but I couldn't help my reaction, as irrational as it may be.

"GO AWAY!" I growled.

Esme looked at me, then at Alice, who was devastated as well. Alice's thoughts were scattered; she was horribly remorseful for what her husband had done, but she was consumed with grief for the loss of her best friend, too. Part of me understood her actions as she reached out and tried to touch Bella, but the anger within me dictated a different response, and I roared in protest.


"Edward, I want to say goodbye," Alice whispered, her eyes wide with sadness. For a moment, I wavered - Alice was heartbroken, and I felt for her. However, if I let her say goodbye, then they would only start the process of trying to take Bella from me, which I would not allow - it would make it to real.

"Leave us," I demanded.

Esme, truly full of pity, took Alice's hand and led her from the room, softly closing the door behind them. I knew just how unreasonable they both thought I was being, but of course they didn't understand.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I whispered softly, as I pressed my lips to her ear. "Please, please, come back to me. I'll do anything, please don't leave me," I pleaded, clutching her beautiful, porcelain face between my hands.

As much as I begged, I knew she was already gone. Slowly, I bent down to kiss her lips. The fire that was once behind them was gone; I would not feel the want and need of her body against mine, I wouldn't feel her fingers tangle in my hair.

She would never say my name in her sleep again, I would never see her eyes flutter when she's dreaming, I would never hear the sweet sound of her voice, or the familiarity of her laugh. More importantly, I would never feel her warm touch on my skin, or smell her scent again. The perfection that had been my soul mate was gone forever.

My world was lost, my life was over.

Carlisle POV

"What are we going to do?" Emmett asked urgently.

"I'm not sure. We can't keep her here," I said quietly, as I approached Jasper. "Are you alright?"

"It's my fault, Carlisle. All my fault," Jasper moaned, his hands gripping his hair. He was tormenting himself, clearly.

"It will be alright," I said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"How can it be? I killed her. I killed the love of Edward's life! He'll never forgive me!" Jasper cried out, overwhelmed with despair. Of course he was not only feeling horrible for what he had done, but he was obviously feeling everyone else's emotions as well. Shock, anger, horror, incredible grief...not to mention whatever horrid emotions were coming from Edward.

"Shh. Calm yourself, son. As unfortunate as it is, we all knew the risk." I was being generous here...in actuality, I was one of the truly horrified, which I knew he sensed. This would surely destroy Edward. I just had to keep calm so I didn't upset Jasper further - the guilt coming off of him was overpowering. I could only hope that he knew we all still loved him, regardless of our reactions right now.

Esme was beside me now, as was Alice, who took Jasper in her arms, trying to comfort him. The two of them were hurting immensely. Alice lost her best friend, at the hands of her own husband. Jasper had murdered his wife's best friend, and his brother's only love. I was at a loss for the first time in my many years on this Earth.

"I'll get some cleaning supplies," Esme said, leaving the room quietly.

The pool of Bella's blood was still on the floor, as were the pieces of shattered glass, cake and presents. I helped Esme clean, hoping it would help clear my head. So many things had happened tonight, things that never should have happened. It was supposed to be a beautiful evening to celebrate Bella's birthday. Instead, because of a stupid paper cut, our family loses the one thing we've been searching for.

How would we fix this? Would we have to leave again? Where would we go? How would Charlie take it? What would this do to Renee? What on earth was this going to do to Edward?

Once the mess was cleaned, I followed Esme into the kitchen. She poured the liquid cleaner down the drain, her hands shaking. As I placed my arms around her, she turned and buried her face in my chest.

"Oh Carlisle, how could this have happened?" she murmured.

"I don't know," I answered her sorrowfully.

"You know what this means, right?" she asked.

"Yes. How is Edward?" I replied, my concern taking over.

"As well as to be expected, I suppose. He's completely heartbroken. I've never seen him this distraught before. I don't know how to comfort him," Esme said, her voice full of anxiety.

In all of my years as a doctor, I always knew exactly what to say to comfort the family of someone who died. Tonight, however, I was at a loss for words. The only thought going through my mind was that our family, our way of life, was over. Things would never be the same.


An hour later, I called everyone into the living room to discuss what we were going to do. I decided to leave Edward alone for now - I knew he wouldn't come downstairs anyway.

"We need to decide what to do with...Bella's body. Clearly, we can't keep her here," I began.

There was a brief moment of silence; everyone was clearly struggling to deal with reality.

"What about a car accident?" Rosalie asked, speaking first.

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked quietly, disturbed at her nonchalant attitude.

"I could set it up to look like she was in an accident on her way home from the party. It's the only thing that would fit. Anything else raises more questions than need be," Rosalie answered abruptly, shrugging her shoulders.

Although I didn't care for her dismissive attitude, she was right. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already midnight - we would have to hurry. I glanced at Alice.

"Will this work Alice?" I questioned softly.

Alice closed her eyes briefly, searching for our answer. After a moment, she returned her gaze to me, sadness overwhelming her features. "Yes, there won't be any problems," she said quietly.

"We'll need to do this quickly, it's getting late," I said, glancing back at Rosalie.

Rosalie stood quickly, and left the house. As I heard Bella's truck start outside, I accepted that she was going to get everything set up. However, there was still the problem of Bella's body.

"Emmett, Jasper, you're going to need to help me with Edward," I ordered.

"Carlisle, I don't know if I can," Jasper said, perplexed. He was afraid of upsetting Edward further.

"You can, and you will," I paused. "It's going to be hard enough getting her body away from him...we're going to need the help, Jasper," I finished in hushed tones, bowing my head. I knew how much pain this was causing my family.

We all quietly and slowly walked up the stairs to Edward's room. I tried opening the door, but it had been barricaded from the inside, clearly sending all of us a message. On the other side of the door, I heard Edward growl. Emmett sighed, regretful of what he had to do. He reached out, ripping the door from the wall, and pushed aside Edward's dresser.

Once inside, I was greeted with the saddest sight I had ever seen. Bella and Edward were laying side by side. One of Edward's hands was tracing the shape and contours of Bella's face, another clutching her body close to his. This was not going to be easy. Esme and Alice stood next to Bella, while Emmett, Jasper and I stood behind Edward.

"Edward, it's time," I said quietly.

"No," he whispered desperately, clutching her closer to him.

I bent over Edward and began to pry his fingers from her. His body turned to stone over hers. Emmett gently pushed me aside, and pulled Edward from Bella. Esme carefully lifted Bella from Edward's couch, cradling her limp body to her chest. This caused Edward to go crazy; he tried with all of his might to free himself from Emmett's grip, growls ripping from his throat. Jasper moved in to help Emmett, as Edward was almost too much to restrain, even for Emmett.


Emmett tightened his grip, and Jasper blocked any escape.


"She's gone, Edward. She's gone," Emmett murmured to him. He felt terrible for restraining Edward this way, but he knew it had to be done.

"NO! PLEASE, ESME! YOU WON'T DO THIS TO ME - I KNOW YOU WON'T! DON'T TAKE HER FROM ME!" he pleaded, turning his tortured eyes to his mother.

Rosalie returned, and let us know she was ready to go. Esme, tearing her pained expression from Edward's, carefully handed Bella to her.

"Be gentle," I heard her whisper to Rosalie.

Rose nodded quickly, then disappeared. Alice took one last look at Edward, released a yelp of pain, and hid her face in her hands as she ran from the room.

Edward finally broke free from Emmett's grip and headed towards the door. Jasper and I shoved him back to the floor. Edward thrashed around, growling and shaking beneath our grip.

"Calm yourself, Edward," I said to him, as gently as I could.

"I need her... I need her, Carlisle! She's everything to me - don't you understand that?!"

"I know that, but it's too late. There's nothing we can do for her now," I answered sadly.

Esme knelt next to us, reaching out. Her eyes shone with pain and compassion. "Edward, my son, we all know how much you truly loved her. Take comfort in knowing she loved you just as much, and that she is at peace now," she whispered. She would do anything to take away his pain.

Esme's words seemed to calm Edward a bit, but it didn't last long. The rest of the night was torture, as Emmett, Jasper and I had to restrain Edward. He fought us continually, consumed by the desire to get back to Bella. I could only pray that tonight would be the worst of it, but I knew I was kidding myself. Who knew what hell tomorrow would bring when they found Bella's body.


A/N: Please review.