Okay, I'm getting the hang of this. Maybe you should start fearing me now.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Teen Titans. This is why.
Chapter 1: That can't be good.
"So... freaking... bored!!"
These were the first words spoken in Titans' Tower in who knows, who cares how long, by none other than it's resident changeling. Outside, the sun was high in the sky, and it was yet another cloudless, crimeless-so-far day for the residents of Jump City. In the city, everybody was living it up, finally going crazy from the peacefulness and doing everything they ever wanted to do, besides doing crime and stuff like that. Heck, every now and then, an empty building would explode, seeing as they couldn't move and they couldn't find anything else to do. No, scratch that. All the way over in Titan's Tower, at that very moment, even Raven was agreeing with Beast Boy, albeit a little bluntly; even she was bored as hell.
"No... shit... Sherlock," She said.
See? What'd I tell ya?
Nothing was on T.V. that wasn't a rerun, and nobody felt like picking a movie to watch. Over the past two weeks of no crime, they'd watched every movie possible. Or at least every movie in the Tower.
Did I mention that everyone was in the common room trying to think of something to break the bored spell? Well, now you know.
"Does anybody feel like robbing a bank?" Beast Boy, again.
"Yeah" was the unanimous answer.
"Okay, then. Who's driving?" Robin.
Silence. Then Beast Boy raised his hand, and everyone shouted "HELL NO!!"
And things continued a little like this. Try to guess who says what, and you'd be wrong.
"Go to the movies?"
"Seen all of them."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Training?"
"No."
"Reading? No, don't answer that."
"No."
"I said don't answer that! Clean Beast Boy's room?"
"..."
"Are you suicidal, Robin?"
"I'll take that as a Hell no."
"Beat up a homeless person?"
"Tempting, but no."
"Find Sla--"
"NO MEANS NO TRAFFIC LIGHT!!"
"..."
"Beat each other up for no reason at all?"
"...Sounds... good..."
"Do we get to use weapons?"
"No. And powers count too."
"Damn. Then no." Starfire of all Titans. Notice I said Titans, not people. Why does that matter? No clue. Nobody noticed this slightly out-of-character moment, though, so eh.
Somehow this continued for what seemed like a day, but was only 2 minutes. Wow, that was boring.
Finally Raven asked the one question almost nobody wanted to hear.
"Find Slade?"
Wait, that's not right.
"Go shopping?" Here we go.
For one brief minute, the males of Titans Tower stared at Raven as if she'd grown an extra head. Then they switched their gazes to Starfire, who strangely hadn't answered yet.
"... No."
Once again, silence. Beast Boy pinched himself. Then he got up out of his seat, and ran and hit the wall, headfirst. Feeling a little suicidal, he French-kissed Raven. Which she only so gladly returned. After they parted, though, (nobody else seemed to notice that), Raven threw Beast Boy against the wall with a burst of black energy, not even blushing. 'One final test,' the changeling thought to himself.
"... Has hell frozen over?"
Nobody answered that, for they were each wondering something that has slight relevancy to the story. Which I will tell you even if you don't wanna know.
Robin: Whoah, Starfire's hot... Why the hell aren't we together yet?
Raven:Hmm. Has hell frozen over? I gotta check on that... Why me? That's it, I'm not doing it.
Cyborg:...Pie...
Starfire: What is this hell everyone keeps talking about? And why the hell do I like mustard so much?
Beast Boy: Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg... And... what happened after that?
Similarly, villains across Jump City were also wondering the same thing, while meanwhile...
Slade sat in his lair, intently watching the screens, mutterring to himself. "Yes, yes, everything is going according to plan... "He rubbed his hands together in glee, the stupidest thing a criminal, such as himself, could do. And he knew it as he watched the little figures dance around on screen and... "NO! DON'T GO DOWN THAT HOLE, POOH! AND YES! IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"
... If you didn't know by now, Slade was watching one of the scariest show known to anybody over 5 years old. A show, that could bring Superman to his knees. A show that scared even Raven worse than Wicked Scary that one time. Yes, dear readers, I have one more. The very show that should have warned us of the coming of Michael Jackson.
Slade was watching Winnie the Pooh. And on a different screen he was watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood.
Why the hell did I just tell you guys about that? Well, it couldn't be because Red X and Johnny Rancid were getting high with Aquafag (see, I told you he changed his name!) and Speedy of the Titans East. No.
It COULDN'T be because Control Freak was at that very moment doing it (I forgot, is this thing rated T?) with that girl from The Grudge in the middle of his personal field of weed. No.
It sure as HELL couldn't be because Michael Jackson just told one of his apprentices (yes, even he has apprentices) to stop raping little children. Close, but no.
So why did I tell you all that stuff? Why am I asking you? Well, my friends, I told you all that irrelevant cr-stuff to distract you as a mysterious giant box was delivered to Titans Tower... A box that a;most ended the world as they knew it...
13131313131313131313131313
As the Titans still sat there, Robin and Starfire making out on the table in the kitchen as Cyborg swatted at them wit a spatula-looking-thingy while Raven sat casually flipping through the Tv channels while Beast Boy... It''s hard to say this... READ something that wasn't a comic book, one, and I mean only one of them heard the mail boat come over and drop something off. I'll end this thing quick if you guess correctly!
ANYway, whoever did it, whoever started this chain of events is the one who should be blamed.
The one who basically handed the Tower and the lives of it's occupants into the palm of his hand.
Whoever heard the mysterious package get delivered is responsible for how Beast Boy got ahold of... a paintball gun.
No, worse, they are responsible for letting him get ahold of a paintball gun... on the boringest day on the planet! It's worse than the Apocalypse!!
But no, hysterics aside, I must tell the story... Heres how it happened.