cRaZyMaN676 Reportin' 4 duty!!

So, seems like we're doin' better at this, eh?

Flamy:(slits wrists) Sigh....

Tanner: STOP DOIN' THAT YOU MORON!!

... Anyway...

Disclaimer: Blahblahblah, something about not really owning the Teen Titans, blahblahblah...

Chapter 4: Fill 'er Up, Don't Git 'er Done

Maybe we should return to randomness?

"Damn, being a psycho is harder than it looks," The non-nerdly looking teen sighed, before whacking Terra in the face repeatedly with a shovel. It didn't do anything much. "WILL YOU DIE ALREADY BITCH?!" The shovel kept bending back until he finally shanked the --Uhhh....

Tom: What the hell?

"Your the new narrator, guy, the other guy was pissin me off."

Tom: YAY!!

Tom has been upgraded to the rank of Narrator!!

"... And so," The teen continued, "That's how babies are born."

Narrator: The Titans -or should I say, Beast Boy, Terra, Hulk, Robin, the headless Aussie, Starfire and Cyborg- stared on at the awkward teen in horror. And then Slade popped out of nowhere, wondering why he suddenly wanted candy... Lots and lots of can--

"Hey!!"

Narrator: It's how they see you, not me. Hey, you mind if I loose the 'Narrator' title thing? It's been buggin' me...

"Ah, fine, whatever." He turned back to the group. "Wait a minute, Headless Guy! You're not supposed to be here!!" He quickly consulted his laptop as the Titans now switched their gaze to the walking corpse. A few miles away, a dog got the feeling that it was supposed to bring this strange new road-kill to the group...

The head talked. Well, the body shrugged, but the head still talked.

"Where the hell am I supposed to be then, mate? And could somebody get me a fucking towel? I've got drool in my nose..." Raven reappeared out of nowhere, shivering and holding a heated towel. "Thank ya, love." He didn't note that this word was not in his vocabulary, just like nobody noticed the blood-stained crown or various weapons Raven shoved off-screen.

"... Whatever."

"Oh, wait, that's not what you guys asked me anyway!" The strange guy -the one with the laptop- smacked his forehead, typing a new command into his computer. Specifically into the Google search engine. "What... the hell... is going... on... Enter! Damn you Sir-Spam Alot!" He yelled again, eyes bugging out of his head as he now typed much faster, in danger of breaking the laptop.

Speaking of weed...

Control Freak collapsed like a beached whale, heavily out of breath. From all the, er, rapid, repetitive motions he'd just made, it was a wonder in itself that the field around him wasn't on fire, let alone the girl he'd barely avoided collapsing on top of. Who, by the way, was now smoking three joints. At the same time. While her hair rolled a few more.

"You... almost... done yet?" The overweight teen gasped, and almost cried when the mystery girl shook her head no. Reaching for his cell, he dialed a number he'd hoped to never have to use again.

"Hey, Rancid? It's Chuck. It's time, man. You got the boys with you? Good, meet me in the patch. You know which one. Hurry up, this shit's going fast. This bitch is crazy!"

Speaking of pot...

"A'ight, a'ight, I got ya. Be there in..." He looked at the clock. "Fifteen socks, 'kay? Hold on, man, just... maintain... Later..." Johnny hung up the disposable cell phone and turned to the three other hazy figures around him. One by one, each nodded for no apparent reason before Johnny stomped out the smoldering ash tray. Standing up(not in a hammock), he turned to the Secret Door in the basement. The one covered in recently-stolen yellow police tape. The one all four of them had sworn never to open unless it was the most dire of situations.

This classified as one of those situations.

Halting before the Door, Rancid waited until the others were behind him before raising a closed fist theatrically.

"Gentlemen..." He paused, not quite sure of what he was about to say or why he now had a ring of keys in his hand. "... What do keys do?"

Behind him, the dude with the X's all over his suit, who was strangely missing his mask, staggered forward. "Keys... unlock... things?"

Johnny nodded, signalling for them to continue. This is where the black-haired, black-eyed man came in. "And whatever this key unlocks, inside there's something valuable... Or dangerous... Or sexy... Or pornographic..." Seeing as the current speaker was rambling, the red-head spoke up.

"So... We're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks! Right?" This time Johnny shook his head.

"No. I don't think so..." He swayed back and forth for a bit. "... Wait, didn't I just get off the phone with Chuck?"

"I don't know, man, you tell me."

"I think I did... Wait..." In the already-smoke-filled room, it would've been impossible to see the wisps rising above his head. Finally a lit cigarette appeared above his head and he proceeded to smoke it.

"AHA!!" He shouted.

"WHAT THE--?!" They jumped.

"I REMEMBER!!" He replied.

"OH." They dead-panned.

Back in serious mode, Johnny got... serious. Again.

"Gentlemen." He waited until they focused all their attention on him. Now they were serious too, if still a little baked. "One of our own has been captured. Our base of supplies has been compromised." This got more serious-ness, but still didn't eliminate the baked-ness. "The iPatch has made his move." Still baked, the looks of shock and anger were only amplified. "The door must be opened."

Each one of them nodded again, and he placed the smallest key on the keyring in the doorknob. A white flash suddenly swept the room, and...

Five minutes later, a haggish old woman was seen chasing a strange-looking van down the street. An unfamiliar logo was spray-painted on the side, and the shocks were a little bad. Unbeknownst to the inhabitants, the brakes didn't even work. This wouldn't have mattered to them anyway.

"Who are we?!" A gruff-ish voice echoed back down the street to the haggish lady.

"WE DA B-TEAM!" Was the reply. Which was cut short by a gunshot echoing from the haggish old lady.

"I told you we'll get this hunk o' junk back by nine, Ma! Get back in the fuckin' house!" She only growled as she turned back, wielding the sawed-off pump action shotgun as professionally as any hunter.

"Damned hooligans..."

Speaking of hooligan-ry...

"ALRIGHTY THEN!" All present winced at the sudden yell, staring wide-eyed at the teen it had come from. "Finally! I know what's going on--" Before he could get another word out, Hulk-SeeMore disappeared with a large explosion, for some reason. "CRAP!! Knew this shit would happen!" Typing another hundred commands into his laptop at a surprisingly high speed, he answered everyone's unasked question.

"What's going on is, everyone's either imploding, deteriorating, or exploding from being in the presence of my Awesomeness."

... Right.

"I'm serious!" He shouted, seeing the disbelieving looks on thier faces. "Whatever, don't believe me, just trust me when I say that this is for your own good." He pressed a button and suddenly everyone -Terra, Slade, Aussie-guy, Cyborg, Raven, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Robin- disappeared.

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This is just another filler chapter, just so's you know. The REAL action is coming up, next time here on Beast Boy the Conquorer; Paintball War Overlord. Be warned; I'm serious. Kind of. Not really. But... The shit is coming up soon, okay?! Hold your horses!