Disclaimer: By golly, I wish I did, but I own nothing.
Thanks, Kipples, for being a super sonic blaster beta reader! I give you an arc reactor to power your enclave. It comes attached to you know who. :D If you like, you can borrow my winged boots.
When does this take place? Don't know and it probably doesn't matter.
The Great Paper Chase
Diana blinked at the computer screen she had been staring at for the past two hours, rubbing her eyes and stretching to alleviate the slight ache she felt in her ribs and back. Just that day she had completed a very complicated mission.
Diana had written an elaborate and detailed mission briefing, but that had only taken fifteen minutes. The majority of her time had been wasted (or so she thought) on filling out paperwork. First there was the accident report, and since she had been hurt, there was an injury report and insurance claim to file. Not to mention, the forthcoming lawsuits from the hostile government whose buildings had been damaged. True, she had been angry, but her defensive and offensive actions had been warranted by the amount of fire power that had been used against her. These particular bad guys had very evil intentions, and they had been "secretly" backed and protected by the corrupt dictatorship that controlled the country.
Diana collapsed her head against the back of her chair, temporarily giving up. Thinking she was alone, she let out a loud, "Argh." Inhaling deeply, Diana muttered under her breath. "Hera help me, but if I have to fill out another form I will destroy this computer."
"Careful, Princess. Damage to Watchtower property will result in filling out another five forms." The humor in the low tenor was unmistakable, but Diana was not in the mood. Especially since Bruce had been rebuffing her advances for the past months. Trying to get him to take her on a date was almost as tedious as wading through the never-ending red tape.
That wasn't the only reason for her current irritation. Lest she forget, Batman was the one responsible for all the forms in the first place. Since he funded a majority of the Justice League's operations, he required documentation of everything. His justification: Bruce Wayne needed as much protection as possible from lawsuit hungry people out to make a buck on his supposed sanction of the Justice League's actions. It made sense, but at the moment, Diana was past the point of caring.
Wonder Woman turned around and made a face at him. "Go away." Then she turned her attention back to getting the last of her forms filled out, studiously ignoring the dark presence behind her.
It was much more difficult to do than she had expected. He stood directly behind her and rested his hands on the sides of the back of the chair. Not quite touching her, he was close enough that if she moved a centimeter, there would be contact. Unable to help herself, she shifted in her seat. To her surprise and delight, he didn't back away.
He leaned down, his mouth close enough to her face that shivers went down her spine. Pride and sheer strength of will prevented her from turning her head to the side to meet his mouth with hers, but only just. He inched closer, and just as she was about to close her eyes, his voice firmly said, "You're filling it out wrong."
Her hand, which rested on the mouse, nearly spasmed. The only thing that kept her from ripping it out of the computer and wrapping the cord around Bruce's neck was the gauntleted hand that suddenly came to rest over hers. He squeezed her hand, but she realized that it was an accidental motion caused by him right-clicking back to the previous forms.
Bruce paused when he got to the injury report and looked her over. Diana had broken a rib and sprained her left wrist during the operation, but since that was hours ago, she was nearly back to complete health. His lips were formed in a tight line of disapproval and concern, but he looked back at the screen and kept clicking through the different screens.
"Diana, didn't you go to the workshop on properly filling these out? They're riddled with mistakes."
"Yes," she testily answered.
"You need to go to another. In fact, I'm suspending you from further missions until you figure out how to fill these out correctly."
"You don't have that power!"
"You obviously haven't read the handbook. I'll add that on the list of things you need to finish before I return you to active duty."
More paperwork. More red tape. More procedures. Diana hated it!
Diana stood up and bodily picked up Bruce. In less than a second, she had him against the wall, her two fists bunched in his uniform the only thing keeping him elevated off the floor.
If asked, Diana would have been unable to explain what she expected to gain from her rash behavior. But never in her wildest dreams had she expected him to smirk and say, "Assaulting a coworker. That's not going to look good on your record. Probably two week's probation and an anger management class."
His arms, which had hung limply at his side since he had been suspended in the air, came up and gently rested against her throat. She felt his fingers stroking the skin there, nearly causing her legs to buckle. It's just a decoy, she reminded herself, strengthening her resolve. This time he had gone too far. She wasn't letting go for the world.
"I refuse to fill out any more of your stupid forms. I will not attend any of your ridiculous classes, and I will not put you down until you apologize."
It was an idle threat, and if she had been more in control of her emotions, she would have admitted the foolishness of using intimidation tactics on Batman. But she was formidable in her own right, and he had really ticked her off.
"Apologize for what?"
"Oh, I don't know! Maybe for ruining my already terrible day by criticizing my every move, and then having the gall to flirt with me!"
There was a brief pause before Bruce flatly said, "That's ridiculous. I've never flirted with you."
As if to prove his point, the fingers that had been caressing her neck stilled. For a brief instant Diana regretted having said anything, but the feeling disappeared when she temporarily lost all sensation in her arms. Bruce had performed one of his tricks, pushing on some points on her neck and shoulders, incapacitating her arms and causing her to release him. He didn't even fall in a heap, but landed gracefully on his booted feet.
Diana's mouth opened in angry shock. Her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, providing a stark contrast to the ever growing smile on Bruce's mouth. Her disbelief at his lies caused her to sputter. Why that disgusting pig of--
Taking advantage of her loss of words he said, "What? I'm surprised you have nothing to say."
He lifted one of her motionless arms and examined it so closely she could feel his breath on her skin. "You might want to visit the infirmary. There might be bruises." Then he quickly hit the same pressure points as before, restoring function to her upper limbs.
Sensation flooded back into her arms, causing them to tingle pleasantly. She yanked her arm away and growled, "No. No more paperwork. From now on, if you want some form completed, do it yourself. Besides, since you just assaulted me, there are probably about five hundred of them with your name on them, just dying to be signed."
"All paperwork not completed by the party concerned or at fault is rendered null and void. And as for my actions, that was done in self-defense, necessitated by the impetuous actions of a coworker." As he spoke, the smile from earlier did not disappear.
Why she let him get to her so badly, she didn't know, but the dynamics of their relationship had always involved teasing and domination. While the number of victories was pretty much split evenly between them, today the momentum was definitely in Bruce's favor. They walked a thin line between love and…irritation, but neither of them particularly minded. They both secretly liked it.
And so they continued the contest, staring one another down. Due to her anger (or excitement; it was always so hard to tell), Diana was breathing heavily, but Bruce remained cool and unaffected. Deciding it was time to show him just how impetuous she could be, she walked over to him and kissed him on the mouth. The connection was brief, and she pulled back to see his reaction. There wasn't one. Taking this as a good sign, Diana leaned in again. It seemed that Bruce had been saving his response for their current kiss. Though he kept his hands at his sides, Diana felt his lips melt against hers as he answered her passion with plenty of energy and heat.
When her mouth was finally free, Diana flirtatiously smiled up at him. "So I guess that means I don't have to fill out any more of your forms."
"Wrong again. Given the circumstances, I'll ignore your latest infraction, but you're treading on thin ice, Princess. The League doesn't look kindly on sexual harassment."
His voice was even and measured. Bruce slowly extricated her hands from his body and walked over to the large table in the center of the room. As if he had just not received the most mind-blowing kiss of his entire life, Diana groused.
She knew that he was most likely pulling her chain, but that didn't stop her from throwing her arms up in frustration. "Why are you even here!?"
"I have something you need to sign. Think you can handle it?" The condescension in his voice made Diana want to rip her hair out.
"Yes," she tersely bit out.
"Good. Once you're finished, find me immediately. It's urgent." Diana stood there, left speechless yet again as Bruce exited the room.
Diana rushed over to the table and grabbed the paper. She was about to crumple it and throw it away, but then she saw the title of the form: Liability Waiver For Interdepartmental Relationships. Bruce had completed all the boxes save one. The only thing that was needed was her signature.
Diana happily sat down at the table and signed her name with a flourish next to his neat and stark John Hancock. Her task complete, she practically flew out of the room so that she could file her paperwork with Batman.
Finally! A form she didn't mind filling out.
Just silly fluff. I watched The Office and Michael and Jan had to sign some Human Resources form so they could date. That's where I got the idea for the Liability Waiver. I seriously doubt the Justice League has to go through that kind of junk, but it made for an interesting scenario in my head.