A/N: My very first one shot...I hope you like it. Thank you so much Super T!! R&R
The lyrics are Let Me Be Myself by 3 doors down
I guess I just got lost
Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday
Do you know who I am...What am I think of course you don't. Wait, you know that short kid that gets his ass kicked by his "boyfriend" Matt Hardy. You got it. I'm the five foot nine bitch of the week on Smackdown. I also know as Shannon Brian Moore. I fucking hate my life. Y'all are probably think what a whiny brat, it can't be that bad. Well, I will explain to you the three basic scenarios of my day.
If I win, Matt's happy and he says he loves me and I don't have to pretend I'm asleep or lock myself in the bathroom. I love those days. He holds me in his arms and tells me he love me. He loves me until I lose.
When I lose...I "failed to comprehend his coaching." While on t.v. He pulls me up by my hair in the middle of the ring, says I'm a worthless pieces of crap, throws me back down to the mat and leaves me in the middle of the ring alone. When we get back to the hotel it's a different story. Either he sends me to the gym to train more or he just stands there and yells. At least when I lose he dosn't lay a hand on me. It's a different story when he loses.
There is one thing you should know about Matthew Moore Hardy...He hates losing. He hates when I try to help him and he loses. He fucking hates me when he loses. In the ring, he smacks me across the face and humiliates me on national television. He leaves me alone and I follow him out of the ring holding my cheek try not to cry. It's not a fake slap, he smacks the taste out of my mouth. It's worse when we get back to the hotel.
"I'm sorry Matt. I tried." I whispered keeping my eyes locked on the carpet. Matt was pacing back and forth in front of me, he was pissed.
"You tried...Well I guess you didn't try hard enough because I lost my Cruiserweight title. Were you just jealous because you can't get a title shot? Or were you just jealous because your not as good as me." Matt shouted back. He pushed my chin up makeing me look at him. " Answer me Shannon."
" I'm not Matt. I screwed up. I'm really sorry."I cried looking into the once loving brown eyes.
"Your just like Jeff. You both are such screw ups. Trying to make excuses why you can't do a simple thing right. Fuckin' screw ups."Matt pushed me back glaring.
Matt can do and say anything about me but he can't bad mouth my best friend. I think thats why he gets so mad at me. I remind him of of his slowly burning out baby brother Jeff.
" We are not a screw up." I whispered my face flushed with anger.
" What did you say Shannon?" Matt asked grabbing my wrist.
" We aren't screw up. I messed up tonight but you wouldn't have won the title if I didn't help you. And your brother is haveing a tough time right now. Your just angry because you can't tell him what to do." I shouted pushing him back. I don't know where this was coming from. I didn't stop yelling until Matt punched me hard. I could feel tears in my eyes as I wiped the blood from the corner my lip.
"Shut up Shannon! You two are always going to be screw ups. That's why you have never won a title. Do you think your so tough now Shannon?" Matt had me pinned to the bed. He was useing his much stronger legs to pin my arms down at my sides. I couldn't fight him off so I just layied there trying not to cry.
That's a day in the life of Shannon Moore. Get up. Work out. Eat. Get yelled at. Wrestle. Get yelled at some more. Think about killing myself. Call Jeff and then go back to Matt. Cry myself to sleep and do it all over again.
Jeff kept me going. He was so happy at first when me and Matt started dating. He would take pictures of us and say we were so cute together. It was all happy until Matt started to yell and get rough with me around Jeff. The brightly haired man would yell at me and say I deserved better then that. Jeff would take me to his house, clean up the cuts, hold me and say everything was going to be okay.
Matt and Jeff started to fight all the time about me. Matt would tell Jeff to mind his own busness. Then Jeff would shout back that I'm his busness. Matt would leave and go and call Amy. When we fought he had his little fuck buddy on the phone. I would stay with Jeff and he would still tell me I deserved better then Matt. I would say I love Matt. Jeff would say he loves me and ends the coversation. I found out later that his love for me was different.
"Shanny you can't just lay here. Come on get dress. We are goin' dirt bikin'." Jeff threw some clothes at me. I wasn't in the mood but I couldn't say no to those big green eyes. I slowly pulled myself out of the bed putting on the clothes he threw at me.
"Let's go Jeff." I slung my arm over my friends shoulder as we walked down the stairs. I was going to forget about Matt for one day and hang out with my best friend.
We stopped are bikes in front of a pond surrounded in trees. I just wanted to rest but Jeff wanted to go swiming. The blue haired man pulled of his clothes while he was running towards the water.
" Shannon come in the water." Jeff shouted his hair stuck to his face. I sighed as I pulled the sweaty beater over my head. I dove into the icy lake screaming when I stuck my head out of the water.
" Fuck you! Jeffrey Nero..." I was cut of by Jeff who placed his lips softly on mine. My eyes went big as I pulled away.
" Uhhh...Jeff, I'm datin' you brother." I said softly tucking my shaggy hair behind my ear.
" I'm sorry Shan. We better get back to the house." Jeff scrambled out of the water. He stopped beside the tree not facing me. I ran after him when I saw him shaking.
"Jeffro. It's okay. Gettin' kissed by a guy doesn't really freak me out anymore. God you Hardy's can't keep your hands off of me." I wrapped my arms around my friend leaning my head against his back.
" I like you Shannon. I like you so much. "
" So...Your gay too?" I asked turning Jeff to face me.
" I guess so...Wanna mess around?" The older man asked pushing me against the tree. I paused thinking, at this moment Matt was screw Amy at this moment...I still wasn't sure until he stuck his tongue out at me and I saw the silver barbell pieceing his tongue.
" Okay, just one time no strings attached."
Jeff smiled pulling me back toward the water. I was about to complain but before I could speak he put his lips to mine. Slowly he worked his tongue between my lip, he was trying to get mine to come out and play. Jeff put his hands under my legs and put them around his waist. I sighed and his tongue slipped inside. His kiss was hot and he was teasing at what more he could do with his mouth and that wonderful tongue ring. Jeff pulled away breathing hard.
" Wanna go back to the house?" Jeff asked resting his forehead on mine. I just nodded as he led my back out of the water.
That was the last time I hung out with Jeff before he got left WWE. I was alone again. I finally stopped caring. I wasn't Shannon Moore anymore I was a mini Matt Hardy. I followed him around like a obedient dog. When I was alone I tried to find a way to mask the pain. Pills, boozes and everything in between. I hated myself more each day. When I looked in the mirror I saw a stranger. Shannon Moore was gone.
Matt and I were still together but we barely talk. I just kept on liveing and working until Matt left Smackdown to be with Amy. I survived three weeks of getting beat up by the larger guy in the ring. When I was out of the ring I missed Matt's yelling because with my protector gone I was a easy target.
They would gang up on me in the locker room and make me their bitch. After weeks of this I just packed my bags and put in my two weeks notice. I was leaving and I wasn't coming back. I hated Matt for trying to change me into him, I hated him for being leaving but I hated myself the most because I let the real me disappear.
Two Years Later
" We are the champions. We are the champions. No time for loser because we are the champions." I sung loudly running down the hall. Jimmy and I just won the tag titles and I was stoked.
I kept running and cheering until I ran full force into someone. I fell hard on the ground. I layed there stunned until a tanned hand pulled me up. I was face to face with Matt who had the US belt slung over his shoulder.
" You won too?" Matt asked handing me my belt that was on the ground.
" Yeah..My first title. I'm pretty happy. I'm glad you finally beat MVP. He is a assclown...Speaking of assclowns, Jeff and Chris are still dating right?" I asked picking at the black nail polish on my nails.
" Ya, still goin' strong. Hey can we go and talk?" Matt looked about as nervous as I was.
" Sure..Your locker room?" Matt nodded as I followed him. I don't know what he wanted to talk about, I was nervous.
" Okay, Shanny. You sit, I'll talk. I miss you. I know I was a bastard all those years. I'm so sorry about that. I was under alot of stress you know. With Jeff and work. I took my frustrations out on you and I hated myself for it. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness. I know I don't deserve it but...I will do anything to make you forgive me. I love you Shannon." Matt was on his knees in front of me, looking up at me with his dark eyes.
"I forgive you Matt. I alway loved you." I couldn't stay mad at him. I had a million reasons why I should hate him but I'm trying to forget the MV1 days. I keep thinking about when we were teenagers and he first told me he loved me. I was seventeen when it happened and that memory kept me happy everytime, I felt fucked up. I had to forgive him.
"Do you wanna you know...do you wanna be my boyfriend again?" Matt asked softly still on his knees.
" I will but I have a few rules. No yellin'. No makein' me work out all the time and..." My voice cracked. I wiped the tears aways from my eyes as I tried to contain myself.
" What is it Shanny?" Matt asked tucking my hair behind my ears.
" Matt just...Let me be myself." Matt just smiled and kissed me. Everything was finally going to be okay.
That's all i've ever wanted from this world
Is to let me be me
Please would you one time
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
A/N: So what do you think?? R&R