A/N: :D Hi! This is the last chapter…! Thank you for reading it. I'm happy with how it came along. :3 And, since I've liked writing KakuHida, a started another. It's called Hello Lovely, I Hate You, and I posted the first chappie yesterday. Go read it, maybe? :D But, enjoy this last part! Review, please?
I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto can have it. :3
Stitching My Mouth Shut
There were so many variables. So, so many things that could change so quickly… Such as the way his arm had finally stopped burning around the letters. Even though that was changed, Hidan's hesitation hadn't. How could it? Anymore, he couldn't deny that he cared for Kakuzu all too much. If he was going to get shot down, it would be a crushing brick dropped directly on his head, shattering the bone of his skull.
The only way to salvage his sanity and keep it there was to keep quiet.
He hated that.
I'm a hypocrite, a big fucking hypocrite… He strained his eyes trying to find a way into a happy sunset. Yes, a happy sunset for his ending credits, with him and Kakuzu holding hands and watching it go to sleep for the night.
No, fluff didn't look good on him, so it would never be able to happen.
"Hidan, what did you carve on yourself now?"
Oh, fuck. Had Kakuzu noticed the message he'd written? Yeah, why bother wondering…he'd seen. Ah, that wasn't supposed to happen so soon. Sure, eventually he was probably going to notice it, but Hidan thought he'd been doing a good job of hiding it so far…
He shifted nervously, trying to keep his usual cross look plastered on his face. "It's my religion, damn it. Stop telling me to quit it.
Kakuzu glared, "I didn't say it this time. But still, now that you've brought it up…"
"Fucking keep it to your own damn self." Hidan spat.
He didn't want to have to talk this way, especially in a moment when it almost seemed like his partner cared. Though it was surely only his overactive imagination, it made him feel sort of comforted…
But not a chance.
He'd already determined that much.
In reply, Kakuzu grunted, staring ahead. After a moment though, he returned his gaze to Hidan's arm, craning his neck to read it. "What does it say? You have horribly illegible writing…"
"Hey, try writing with a knife on your own skin and seeing where you're going through the blood."
"Uck, that was a gruesome mental picture." Kakuzu made a face. "That is exactly why it…worries me. What you do to yourself, I mean."
What? There came that almost concern in his word choice…
Just give up. You can never get what you want.
"Fine, don't talk to me anymore." Kakuzu complained, all set to be silent too, but he deciphered the phrase. "Oh, 'tell him'? Is that what it says?"
I don't want to talk to you, I don't, I really fucking don't…because the more I think about you the more I want to talk to you…
To speak those words, to open his firmly shut mouth.
"So who are you telling what to?"
Think fast…? Cover it up.
"Jashin." He answered cooly, "Just a reminder to tell Jashin how great he is…"
"Ah. Well, I guess I never really had you pegged for the sticky note type…" Kakuzu paused, and Hidan could see a thought flashing unexpectedly into his brain from the windows that were his eyes. "Wait, though. They would you need to remind yourself? You worship Jashin every chance you get."
Oh. Oh no.
"Hidan," he said slowly, "What aren't you telling me?"
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
No. I'm not going to say a damn word. I'm not going to regret that I'm immortal. I'm not going to wish…
"One day you're going to be so sick of pretending you're alright."
"I'm not a fucking child…I don't pretend!"
Kakuzu chuckled dryly. "Just like you're not playing a game with your head right now, then?"
No. Don't suddenly fucking tell me that you know everything. Don't tell me that. If you tell me that, I…
I won't have a reason to hate myself anymore.
That was what it was. Hidan needed to hate himself. Why not? It was easier. It was a fuel to keep up this tough façade of his.
Time to finally jump into the water.
The water was murky, and he couldn't tell where he was swimming to, but…
Jump now before all of the 'what ifs' make you go crazy.
He leaned in, blinded by his agonizing heart, moved his mask out of the way and kissed him.
Fuck the world.
He would do anything…anything to get rid of this agony. And he was starting on it now.
Breaking away, sort of surprised at himself, he then felt his silence melting. He wasn't controlling himself anymore; it was his desperate part of him locked in the box calling the shots. "That's…that's what I was supposed to say. Tell you…to tell you that."
Oh, damn it. He'd never been so bold. Damn it, he was sure that he'd just killed any chance he ever had.
Like he ever even had one…
"So…" Kakuzu, ever more flustered by the sudden move, "That…that…oh, it does make sense…why you hated Tobi. But there's nothing between us. That kid is such a trip…"
"The stupid shit always had you," Hidan struggled, wanting to shut up. No, he couldn't shut up. It wasn't working… "He had you all to himself, even if it was only Monopoly or whatever the fuck it's called. I…"
"Jealous, Hidan?" Kakuzu smirked, but stopped right away when he saw the wounded look on the zealot's face. "Ah…"
"Do you want me to leave now?" Hidan regained control of his tongue, and was ready to just retreat to his lonely, bloody little room, with his lonely, bloody knives.
The other murmured quietly, "Why?"
"Oh, I know you fucking want me to go die…! Say it; just say it and I'll try my fucking best…!"
And he would, too. He was always exceptionally good at sabotaging himself and everything he really, truly wanted.
"I won't say any such thing."
Huh? You…you won't?
"I…don't want you to go. Even though you are annoying as hell some times, and always so stupid and everything is Jashin, Jashin, Jashin with you, I want you to stay here."
And he stayed.
It seemed like Jashin might have at last heard him…
They sat side by side, slightly awkward, not speaking, but neither left for the longest time.
Finally, a start for them. It was small, very small, but where else to start than from the very beginning?
Kakuzu and Hidan were ready to begin.