This is a one-shot from Rosalie's point of view. It's a companion to my other story 'Heatwave' where Rose was particularly short with Bella in the last chapter. It can be stand alone and explores some of the reasons I think cause her hostility towards Bella.
"Envy is one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. It is a universal and most unfortunate aspect of human nature because not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by her envy, but also wishes to inflict misfortune on others."-Bertrand Russell.
Bella Swan.I didn't need Edward's ability to tell that hers was the name on everyone's lips, her face in the forefront of all their minds. Since she had crashed into our lives like a tidal wave, every action and decision we made was orientated around her. It was maddening. No-one was thinking of me. Just because I had the nerve to bring some home-truths to the girl earlier, they were all furious with me now. I was reduced to hiding in the garage like some kind of fugitive when I had done nothing wrong.
From the front of the house, I heard the engine of her ancient truck snarl and rattle to life. It sounded even more grating than usual. She would be going home to prepare dinner for her father and possibly to freshen up for her date with Edward that evening. They were the kind of things a teenage girl should be doing. She shouldn't be spending her days with vampires. Since it was still sunny, she would be gong home alone and Edward was probably on his way to the garage to confront me for upsetting his precious fiancée earlier. There was no way he would cause a scene in front of her. Edward would pretend it was to avoid upsetting her but I knew better. He was terrified she would see the darker side of him, the one that wanted to scream in my face and wring my neck for hurting her, and she would see him as less than perfect.
I leaned further under the hood of my BMW, waiting to face his wrath. I wasn't afraid of Edward, I had seen enough of his tantrums to know he was harmless. I had done nothing wrong, I told myself. I had no reason to apologise and wouldn't stand for him taking his frustration out on me. But when I tried to tighten a bolt in the engine the spanner was shaking slightly in my hands.
I was willing to admit that I was a bit harsh in the way I spoke to Bella. But no-one else was prepared to be honest with her and I just couldn't hold it in. Day after day, she spent time with us. Edward was displaying an obsessive need to make sure she experienced as many different things as possible while she still could. I was sick of it. I didn't exactly mind her company, she could be quite amusing. But I was sick of everyone pretending this was all normal. In a few short weeks, she would be giving up her humanity. This was real life, not summer vacation. I knew they were all trying to make the most of the current lack of drama in our lives, especially after the turbulent year we had. Esme and Alice were caught up in wedding preparations and everyone else was being affected by Edward's newfound happiness. It was a novelty that trickled down through our family and affected them all.
So was it to be all fun and games until somebody loses their life?
I knew what Bella was thinking, it was as glaringly obvious as the sun in the sky, while Edward had gone running like a lap-dog to bring her water. She was envious of us, looking at how we were unaffected by thirst or heat and anticipating the day where she would be the same. Didn't she see that we were the unnatural ones? She was a smart girl but she was choosing to view our world through rose-tinted glasses. I didn't want to ruin the day, however, it was my duty to tell her the truth.
But why did it bother me so much? Why should I care if that girl was deluding herself, throwing her life away? Was it because she was the centre of attention and I wasn't? I liked to think I wasn't that needy. I had Emmett, I didn't need their approval. I couldn't stop wanting it though.
Bella was a sweet girl, silly, stubborn and impetuous, but sweet nonetheless. She was very innocent for her age. She had never been kissed before she met my brother. She was naïve, seeing the good in everyone. Even those foul dogs. Even me. She forgave me without a second thought when I had been thoroughly rude to her.
Her innocence, or virtue as she had taken to calling it, well it….bothered me. More than it should. She was pure, untainted and I was not. When she slept with her husband on her wedding night she would be the way a bride was meant to be. That was an option that was torn away from me, just like my life was. I never had a choice. Bella did and she was choosing wrong.
It was all for Edward, everything she did. Every move she made was centred around him. She loved him, that was undeniable, and he loved her. But was it enough? When she would be in so much pain she wanted to tear off her own skin or so thirsty she would drink from her own mother given the chance. I found it hard to believe that human emotions ran that deep, that their bond was that strong. It couldn't compare to what I had with Emmett, could it?
I shook my head. I was getting as bad as the rest of them, letting that girl consume my every thought. What made her so special? Granted, she was pretty. Hey eyes sparkled and her blush was quite endearing. She was utterly ordinary and half the males in this one-horse town were in love with her. She had stolen Edward's heart, the boy who had resisted Tanya who's beauty rivalled my own. He had never shown the slightest interest in me, even when we were the only ones in the family. I never wanted him, not like that, but it would have been nice if he at least acknowledged that I was attractive. Instead he looked cut straight through my looks and saw my black soul for what it really was.
But even as a human there was something extraordinary about Bella. I wondered, no I feared, that when she was changed her beauty would surpass my own. If my looks were all that I had going for me, where would I stand if she became prettier. To Emmett, and his was the only opinion that really mattered, I would always be number one. To everyone else, however, what would my place be?
Bella had already made the rest of us look bad when she was expressed that sentiment about the garden to Esme the other day. Esme knew we all loved her, I didn't need to spout sentimental garbage to prove it. I was her companion for years, helping her at home when the boys were at work and school, trusting in her opinion about my life and my marriage. Yet, Bella's rapport with her seems to devaluate that.
Then there was Alice, who had been my sister for over fifty years, and now declared at every opportunity that Bella was her best friend. I was replaced without a second thought but I was good enough for shopping excursions because Bella didn't enjoy them. How would it be when she was changed? I would be totally excluded or else a third wheel.
It wasn't fair! I slammed down the hood of the car and slumped against the work-bench. I shouldn't feel this way. She shouldn't affect me so. I felt guilty for being nasty to her but that wasn't the worst emotion I felt. There was something much more damaging festering beneath the surface. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, it was there. I knew it. Edward knew it. I think she even knew it.
I was jealous, pure and simple. The weight of the realisation crashed down upon me.
I was jealous of her beauty, the natural warmth that stained her cheeks and the spark in her eyes.
I was jealous of her friendship with Alice, that they had cultivated such a deep bond in such a short period of time.
I was jealous of her life. She was born in a time when she had choices, to love, to marry, to go to college, to work, to have a family. Her parents accepted her as she was and didn't see her as a means to their own desires. She had options, ones I never had, and she was throwing them away. All for what? Love? Edward? Would it be worth it? How could a human girl feel that strongly and know her own mind that well? It was unfathomable to think she could feel that way, wasn't it?
In truth, I was jealous of the depth and strength of her relationship with Edward. It made me question my own motives and feelings. I also hated the fact that she would be a virgin bride and very much alive on her wedding day. I never had that chance.
I was jealous of Bella Swan. And I hated myself for it.
A shadow fell over me and I heard someone clear their throat deliberately. I didn't need to open my eyes to know it was Edward, come to tear strips off me for upsetting his pet.
Defiantly, I raised my chin and waited for whatever he was going to throw at me. Nothing he could say would make me feel worse about myself. I was surprised when he slid down beside me to sit on the stone ground. Great, he must have heard everything I was thinking. I would rather his anger than his pity.
"What are you working on, Rose?" he asked conversationally, using my shortened name as a sign of affection.
"You didn't come here to talk cars." I replied. Edward smiled, in that annoyingly crooked way of his, and nodded in agreement.
"I changed my mind," he smirked.
"How long were you eavesdropping?" I asked him, embarrassed that he had heard my inner-most thoughts.
"I wasn't eavesdropping, you know that," he protested, twirling a wrench in his fingers. "But I was outside long enough."
He sighed, "Rosalie, when are you going to get past this? Bella will soon be my wife and you have to at least try to accept her. She's never done anything on you-"
"I know that Edward," I growled. "I'm trying to accept it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I can't pretend like the rest of them can. Every day we spend with her is counting down to the time she'll give up her life. I know it's more complicated than that, and the choice isn't really yours and she is in danger anyway, but when I look at her I see a vibrant young girl who will soon be dead!"
"I know that, Rosalie," he echoed. "For her, I want to much more than this. But for me I want it very badly. Surely you can understand that? You insisted on changing Emmett after all,"
"That was different, he was dying," I argued.
"She's human!" he shouted. "They're all dying. And Bella is more susceptible to danger than anyone else. We can't wait around for Death to be successful and take her away from me. I can't live without her,"
"Calm down, there's no need for dramatics. I know you two can't live without each other. She makes you happier than I ever imagined you could be. I'd hate to see you lose that," I told him. It was true, there was no way anyone of us could stand it if Edward reverted to the state of miserable isolation he inflicted on himself before he met Bella.
"You should still apologise," he offered stubbornly.
"What would be the point?" I asked. "Bella knows I'm not trying to upset her. If you insist, I'll apologise for my rudeness but I won't take back what I said. I won't patronise her,"
"Fine," he huffed. "But if you feel the need to re-enlighten her on some of the finer points of our existence again, please try to do it with more tact,"
Edward sighed and chewed slightly on his bottom lip, a habit he had picked up from her. I wondered if he was going to say any more on the topic.
"So," I began, trying to fill the void of silence before he started picking through my thoughts again, "Bella's truck is sounding worse than usual,"
Edward grinned wickedly. "It's great isn't it? It won't last much longer. Alice sees it dying soon and then I can give her the new car,"
Automobiles were one of the few things Edward and I had in common. I was aware he had ordered new cars for Bella and they were currently sitting in a storage facility in Seattle. They would have been safer here but he didn't want her to see them. But perhaps I could extend an olive branch over her beloved truck.
"I could take a look at the engine-" I began.
"No!" he cut me off and then collected himself a bit. "Sorry, I just think the new car will be better for her,"
For him or for her? I thought.
"For Bella." he insisted. "It's safer….but thanks for offering to fix it. I don't think we'd be able to source parts even if we tried though,"
"I suppose, it would have been a good challenge," I mused.
"Are you coming out with us tonight?" Edward asked, standing up.
"To the funfair?" I replied. It wasn't my idea of a good night out. But Emmett would enjoy it and it would be worth it to see him smile. "Sure, we might as well go. This is the most excitement Forks has seen since we arrived."
"Good. You'll be friendly to Bella?" He phrased it like a question but in reality, like everything else, I didn't have a choice.
"I promise to make an effort," I told him honestly.
Edward nodded. "I hope you get over this soon, Rose. For your sake as much as anyone else's." He smiled but his eyes were melancholy. "Rise above what your feeling. You're far too beautiful to have such ugly thoughts,"
I was flattered by his barbed compliment as he went to leave. As brothers go he wasn't that bad. He understood me and in many ways we were quite alike. Arrogant, beautiful, needed to be in control, somewhat tortured by this existence. Edward smiled at me, crookedly again. My Emmet had a perfect straight smile. He extended his hand to me, in a rare act of physical affection, and helped me to my feet.
"You will be nice to Bella from now on," he stated. Our eyes were now level and I noticed his were quite dark. He'd been postponing hunting to spend more time with her. There was the edge of a threat to his voice and I found myself nodding. Not because I was afraid of him, rather because I wanted it to be true. I wanted to be strong enough to put my own difficulties aside and be kind to Bella.
Edward nodded curtly and sauntered away. His usual graceful gait had gained more of a swagger recently. I guess that was the effect of having a fiancée who loved him blindly and chose to ignore his multiple flaws. It was no wonder I had to give her a reality check every now and then. It must be nice, to still be young and innocent and only see the good in people.
He turned around when he reached the door, as if something just dawned on him.
"Rosalie? You have to stop that. " he crooned. His sing-song tone was mocking me. " Green was never your colour,"
I felt the metal of the spanner I was holding bend beneath my fingers. In temper, I threw it after him but of course he was long gone. It hit the door with a clatter and echoed throughout the garage. And the bitterness and shame I felt echoed through my hollow heart.
So how did I do with Rosalie's POV? Please review! I'm off to start the next chapter of Heatwave now.