Title: It's a Jedi Thing; You Wouldn't Understand
Rating: NC-17 (but not until the end)
Pairing: Luke/Mara (but not until the end)
Summary: Luke gets hold of some bad shrooms, dude! And various hijinks ensue...
Warnings: This story is just slightly cracky. And it's not going to be a long one, so it won't take me three years to get it finished either.
Luke Skywalker was pouting. He admitted to himself that it was a rather juvenile thing to do, but he didn't care at the moment. Of course, Leia didn't care either. She was still going to make him go, even though she knew he didn't want to. His voice got the whiny tone that occurred whenever he was irritated or stressed, because sometimes that made Leia back down. She hated the whiny tone.
It wasn't working right now.
"I don't see why I have to go. What possible good can I do there? I am not a diplomat."
"Luke, we are not discussing this any more. I have already told you why you have to go. You are the only living Jedi Master. The Terrissians revere the Jedi. The New Republic needs Terriss as a member. I cannot make it any clearer than that," Leia said in exasperation.
Honestly, sometimes talking to Luke or Han was no different than talking to one of her children. Must be some sort of male gene, she mused to herself, still ignoring the mutinous expression her brother was giving her.
She sighed and tried a different tack. "Luke, you're not going to have to speak or demonstrate any of your abilities. It will be enough for the Terrissians just to know you're there and be able to see you."
"Yeah, so I'll be like an animal at the Coruscant Zoo. Ooh, look at the Jedi! Do you know how frustrating that gets?"
"Oh, I don't know, I've never had people stare at me that way!" she said sarcastically. "You know, it's not just you they're hero-worshipping here. They wanted to see the heroes from the Death Star. Han and I do have to deal with this on occasion."
Luke immediately felt ashamed at his infantile reaction. Leia was his sister and she cared about him. She knew he hated this sort of thing, so she wouldn't have asked if it wasn't truly important. He ducked his head and the lower lip went from being stuck out to being caught between his teeth and he replied, "You're right, I'm really sorry for being such a nerf."
Leia's expression softened. It was very difficult to stay mad at her brother when he gave her that 'aw-gee' farmboy look. "I know you don't want to do this. But it will only be three days and you'll actually be able to relax a bit. Terriss has some incredible gardens and fountains. It's quite a beautiful world and I think if you let yourself, you might even have a good time," she said softly.
He heaved a huge sigh, just to let her know he still wasn't happy with the prospect, and said, "All right. When do we leave?"
She smiled and gave him a hug as she kissed his cheek. "Tomorrow."
"What!? But, Leia-"
"We'll be waiting for you at the Falcon's regular docking bay, brother dear," she called out as she was walking swiftly out the door, cutting off any additional protests he could come up with.
She chuckled as she heard a shockingly vivid curse come from behind Luke's apartment door as she walked away. She straightened her shoulders as she headed back towards her own apartment. Now she just had to go talk Han into this.
She was going to have to kill the both of them; she realized that now. Not only had they spent the entire trip to Terriss baiting each other and nearly driving her mad, once they arrived on the planet she was trying to coax into joining the New Republic, they had acted no older than about fourteen.
Leia could overlook the looks of resigned boredom they both affected in Terriss' museums; she knew that wasn't the sort of thing either of them enjoyed. She could even overlook the making faces and drawing doodles on their datapads during the lecture series. She could not, however, overlook the water blaster battle in the hotel lobby. That was truly going a step too far.
Now, having been caught red-handed, they were both frozen in place, staring at her in rueful embarrassment. Han had Luke by the front of his tunic and had his water blaster aimed at Luke's crotch so that it would appear he'd wet himself. Luke had just unloaded the entire contents of his water blaster on top of Han's head, causing water to stream down his face.
"Upstairs, now," she ground out, her fists clenched by her sides to keep herself from pounding the two of them.
They knew better than to protest as they filed silently to the lift and stepped on. Once the doors closed and they were out of sight of curious eyes, they both began talking at once, each blaming the other for their current misadventure.
She held up a hand and said, "I don't want to hear it right now. We'll discuss it when we get to the room."
Han and Luke looked at each other with a grimace. 'Discuss' always meant 'lecture'.
As far as lectures went, Leia felt it was one of her finest. She had harangued them for almost a solid hour, managing to bring up the worst qualities that they both possessed and even a few incidents that she had been letting sit idle until just such an occasion.
After she had finished, on the note that the two of them were personally responsible for the precarious state of the entire New Republic, she told them she didn't want to see either of them for the rest of the evening and retired to the bedroom that she and Han were sharing in the suite. Luke's room was on the opposite side of the sitting room that connected the two.
"Guess we should be glad she didn't find out about those statues in the garden downstairs, huh?" Luke said.
"Guess you better make room for me in your room," Han retorted.
"No way, you can sleep on this couch."
"I'm taller than you! You should sleep out here and let me have your bed."
"Hey, this was all your idea! I'm not giving up my bed for you. You'd better get over to that door and try to sweet-talk your wife if you want to sleep in a bed tonight."
"I'll arm wrestle you for it," Han said.
"Okay," Luke agreed, a little too quickly for Han's taste. Then he remembered that he always needed to qualify contests between himself and Luke.
Luke's grin disappeared and he muttered what sounded suspiciously like 'wimp' under his breath. Unfortunately for Han, Luke was in better physical shape even without the Force due to the strenuous training he underwent almost daily at the Academy. Luke had the poor grace to laugh as he went into his bedroom and shut the door. To sleep in a nice, comfortable bed, Han fumed to himself as he rubbed his sore arm. Seemed to Han that a Jedi Master shouldn't be allowed to gloat.
Han gave a longing glance towards the door that Leia had closed behind her almost half an hour ago. Hells, he had done far worse than this before. Surely, he could talk her out of her irritation. He was a Corellian, after all.