Author's Note: Hello, Everyone

Author's Note: Hello, Everyone. This fanfic is one I've had in my head for a little while now, mostly because I love this crack pairing and have always wanted to write a story in a high school setting. Be aware that the whole fic is from Hidan's point of view. I hope you enjoy it. Just note that I'll be writing this in my spare time, since I have a few other fics I'm working on at my DA account.

Summary: He was a religious extremist gang member. She was a flute-playing prodigy and the daughter of a yakuza boss. Who would have thought their bad mouths would bring them together?

Main Pairing: HidanxTayuya

Other Pairings: PeinxKonan, SasorixDeidara, and hints at ItachixSasuke

Rating: M for strong language, violence, and sexual references (no actual sex though, sorry!)

Title: Religion and Music

Chapter 1: When I Met Her

As I stand here on this hill, the cherry blossoms falling behind me, I think back to when I first met her. It was a day like this about two years ago, maybe a little bit less. It was a few weeks after school had started. I was eighteen years old and beginning my third year here at Shinobi High School. No, it's not a high school for ninjas, Moron; it was founded by some psycho who believed he was a ninja. At least that's the story I know. Depending on the person you talk to, someone could say that the man was a visionary and a genius. Others, like me, say the man was psycho, but no one really cares anymore. The school opened so damn long ago that no one gives a crap about its roots.

I should probably introduce myself. The name is Hidan. I graduated from this school a year ago, and I was one of those kids who swore that he would never come back. That was what I had said at the beginning of my third year anyway. Honestly, I never thought I'd come back because I was just so damn sick of the stupid place. For the first few weeks, I was late to school, and I would always whine about my work. My best friend Kakuzu would always tell me to shut the hell up and deal with it. He was a real slave driver, that bastard.

Now that I think about it though, I should thank him for his nagging and cold-heartedness. It's only because of him that I met her.

She was a REAL psycho when I first met her. No, she wasn't like the founder of our high school. She made that guy look sane.

Alright, I'll start at the beginning for all you slow-in-the-head idiots. It was the beginning of my third year, and…

Jashin, this sounds really cliché. Did I ever mention that I suck at telling stories?


Continuing now…

It was actually about a month into the school year when it happened. I walked through the school's front doors, late as usual, on a typical Thursday morning. My first period that day was geometry, and there was no way in hell I was going to sit through that crap. I'd let Kakuzu take care of it for me. He was good with numbers since the jerk was money-obsessed.

I walked into the bathroom and saw two fellow gang members there. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that I was in a motorcycle gang throughout high school. It was only a few of us, only about ten or so, but we were a tight group. We called ourselves "Akatsuki," and almost everyone in the school feared us. Only a few teachers didn't let us get away with murder…and by "murder," I mean that literally. Yeah, some of us were accused with murder in the past, but the charges were cleared in court. Heh, our leader sure did know how to bullshit a convincing story.

Just while I'm on the topic of the gang, I might as well introduce everyone. Pein was our leader, a really awesome guy with enough body piercings to put those guys in the world record books to shame. His bright, flaming orange hair led us fearlessly, but the blue, water-like hair of Pein's girl could extinguish that flame in a heartbeat. Konan was one hell of a bitch, I tell you. Sure, the girl was hot and all, but she was ruthless and damn cruel. If anyone bad-mouthed or hurt Pein, Konan would kick that poor, unlucky bastard's ass. Actually, sometimes, she did that to Pein just for the hell of it. That chick could beat the crap out of any guy. You wouldn't guess that if you saw her at home though. The girl's family owned a traditional inn, meaning that she often wore a kimono and served their customers. She was brilliant at geisha dances, flower arranging, the tea ceremony, and origami, which was her specialty. How ironic.

Itachi was the cool, silent one of the group. He really didn't like fighting that much, evident in his lifeless eyes and ignorant demeanor. He was sort of short but very slim, almost too skinny to be a guy, with long, black, shiny hair and a constantly tired expression. It wasn't until the middle of senior year when we found out that his looks were actually due to an illness. The only one he told about that was his best friend Kisame, the big, loud rebel of the group. He was one of those guys who liked to play dress-up, and his favorite make-up attire was that which made him look like a shark. He had a collection of swords though, so I guess he was pretty cool.

The other one in the group who liked to play dress-up was Zetsu. He was a weird one. He liked to paint his face half-black and half-white. What we didn't know was that the paint had symbolism. It turned out that Zetsu was schizophrenic, the poor guy. We sort of should have guessed though, since he was always talking to himself. We wondered why he was so good at having conversations with himself. In fact, the only guy he talked to was Tobi, the idiot of the group. No one really knew anything about Tobi though. He joined us a few days after I had joined, but we still don't know much about him. The guy always wore this freaky mask. I'm guessing he had scars or something on his face.

Sasori and Deidara were known as the "art brothers," though those two jerks had exact opposite ideas of what art was. Sasori was this redhead who hated to wait more than anything else. It was strange that his favorite things to make were things that lasted forever. Sasori was incredibly good with his hands, and he loved to make toys with different functions. Deidara was this blond pretty boy with a bad temper and really girly tastes. I swear, the guy had to have been a transvestite, because he was always wearing these fishnet shirts that showed off his arms, chest, and stomach. Either that or he was a total whore. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if either of those things were true. Wait, what was his art? He liked to sculpt things and then blow them up. Yeah, I don't get it either.

Speaking of the two of them, they were the ones I found in the boys' room…making out against the wall. Deidara was up against the cold tile, his long hair messed up and his fishnet shirt and school uniform shirt bunched up at his neck. Sasori was molesting his mouth and desperately trying to strip his lover of his clothes. I stood there emotionless. I was used to their sex-in-the-bathroom routine by now.

"Good morning to you, too," I muttered, walking into the room and stopping in front of one of the mirrors.

Sasori and Deidara paused and looked up at the familiar voice. "Oh, Hidan," Deidara panted, "it's only you." He caught his breath and relaxed against Sasori's chest. "You skipped first period again? That's the third time this week."

"So what?" I groaned. "I hate geometry like the plague."

"But you've got English first period on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, don't you? Why did you skip Monday and Wednesday but go to geometry on Tuesday?" Sasori gasped, rubbing Deidara's back. The blonde moaned. "I've never heard you complain about English. You already got senioritis?"

"Kakashi-sensei is a total book whore who makes us read crap," I spat, looking at myself in the mirror. I pulled a tube of hair gel out of my backpack and squirted it out onto a small black comb I always held in my back pocket. I worked the gel into my hair, pushing it backwards. Yes, I am OCD when it comes to my hair. Shut the hell up. "I only went to geometry on Tuesday because that bastard Kakuzu didn't take notes for me from Saturday's class, and I needed to attend or Asuma-sensei would have given me detention." I finished with my hair and put the comb away. "Jashin, I hate that man. I wish he would die."

"So kill him and have Pein come up with a story in case you get caught!" Deidara insisted, pushing himself against the redhead. "Sasori-sama, give me some loving…" he whined.

Sasori glared in my direction. "You done, Narcissus?" he growled. "We were just getting to the good part."

"Sorry to interrupt your gay ass-sex," I hissed. "I'll leave you to screw your blonde whore now."

"Bastard!" Deidara shouted. "I have never whored myself out!"

I smirked. "Really? The rest of the student population told me otherwise."


I shut the door to the boys' room and walked down the hallway towards my second period of the day: biology. Okay, I could stand this class. At least there could be cutting up of some poor, helpless animal done.

It turned out that we were dissecting cats that day. When I cut mine open, I found kitten fetuses inside. Yay! I was the lucky winner of the day!

So I cut them up, too.

Why am I such a cruel bastard, you ask? Well, it's all connected back to my religion. You see, I follow this one god named Jashin. The principles of Jashinism say that carnage and sacrifice are part of the religion. They're sacred to me! So whenever I get the chance, I kill something or cut it up if it's already dead.

In other words, yes, I'm the kind of jerk who kills kittens.

But…these were already dead, so that sort of took the fun out of it. Oh well.

The rest of the day is a blur to me. I guess I must have gone to the rest of my classes, but maybe I fell asleep. I must have during the last period though, because the only thing I can remember from that class, music class, was Kakuzu dragging me out of the room while I was trying to relax. I remember cursing the moron off for a while and then being thrown against the bathroom wall.

"Jashin!" I hollered as the back of my head met with the tile. "What the hell's your problem, Kuzu?" I snapped. "You're more pissy than usual today."

"Because you missed geometry this morning!" my friend snapped back. "You've hardly been to class at all, and you're in danger of failing! I can't keep on making up excuses for you forever!! Asuma-sensei is going to kick my ass if I tell him one more time that you're not there!"

"So kick his ass back!" I insisted, trying to get away. Kakuzu grabbed me by my uniform collar and slammed me back against the wall. I cursed loudly just as Pein walked in.

"Don't tell me that you two are having a make-out, sex-in-the-bathroom session, too," he groaned. "I can't tell you how many times I've walked in on the art brothers right in the middle of doing it." He paused to rub his forehead. "No amount of therapy will ever make those images go away."

"I'M NOT GAY, BASTARD!!" I shouted, pushing Kakuzu away. I stomped right up to Pein and glared into his gray eyes. "Hey, I need some help. Make up some excuse for me so that I don't need to go to geometry anymore."

Pein shook his head. "Do me a favor and at least graduate, okay?" he sighed. "It would be really embarrassing if you didn't graduate but Tobi did."

"Tobi?!" I gasped. "What the hell are you talking about? He's an idiot!"

"Yeah, but his grades have suddenly improved."


"Yeah, he's apparently getting an A in almost all of his classes."

My face dropped. There was no way IN HELL I was going to lose to THAT idiot. "Fine!" I agreed. "I'll go to the damn class!"

"Then you'll want to go see Asuma-sensei first," Kakuzu insisted from behind me as he washed his hands. "He's pissed at you, but maybe he'll cut you some slack if you apologize."

I hung my head and whined. "Damn, I just want to kill him…"

"Please don't," Pein almost begged. "I really don't feel like going to court this school year. It's our senior year! We SHOULD be making the most of it. We should be out there having fun and--!"


No question as to who THAT was.

"I'm coming, Konan," our leader replied, walking out of the bathroom. Kakuzu finished up and walked with me outside to see the blue-haired girl standing there, tapping her foot with an annoyed look on her face.

"Why the hell did you take so long in there?" she asked, pure poison dripping from her lips. "Watching those two follow the art brothers' lead?"


"Stop shouting, Stupid. There are still some students here."

Konan frowned distastefully and took her boyfriend by the arm. "Let's get out of here. I want you to take me to the arcade." She leaned against his shoulder. "Will you buy me an ice cream cone?"

"Sure, Konan, anything for you."

Kakuzu and I watched as the two of them left. We were silent for a long time even after they did. I was the first one to speak.

"Are those two even in love?"

"Stop procrastinating and get to Asuma-sensei."

I glared at my friend, flipped him off, and walked down the hallway towards my teacher's classroom. I swallowed the lump in my throat that told me I was in for the scolding of my life and walked inside. There, I saw my teacher grading a few papers, a cigarette hanging from his lips. Wasn't he part of the school campaign to get kids not to smoke?

"Yeah," I murmured, "I'm sorry for missing class this morning."

Asuma-sensei looked up. "And what about all the other times?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry for those, too."

My teacher snorted. "Like hell you are. I know your type."

I groaned. "Listen, just don't fail me, okay?" I reasoned. "I want to graduate."

"If you want to graduate so much, come to class." Asuma put out his cigarette in the nearby ashtray. "Starting Saturday, I expect you to come every morning. If you need extra time to do your hair in the morning, wake up earlier." He could tell that I was hating this, I knew. Suddenly, he smirked. "If you clean up the classroom today, I won't give you a detention, and I'll give you a chance for extra credit. Fair?"

How could I argue?

So I spent my Thursday afternoon cleaning up my most hated teacher's classroom. Fun.

When I was finally done, Asuma-sensei asked me one last thing. "Take these papers down to the principal, would you?" he requested. "Then you can go home."

Surprisingly enough, I complied and didn't complain. I think I was desperate enough to do anything to go home, even if that meant doing something for a man I couldn't stand. I was just about to open the door to the principal's office when it came flying at me instead. I cried out and fell backwards, totally losing the papers. I rubbed my head and groaned, and when I opened my eyes, there was a girl in front of me. She seemed to be in serious pain from the way she held onto herself and had her eyes screwed tightly shut.

"Oh crap," I gasped, "we both took a major hit from that." My head throbbed. "Jashin, this hurts like hell. Hey, are you okay?" I crawled over to the girl. "You don't look that good."

"SHUT THE HELL UP, BASTARD!!" the girl suddenly screamed, grabbing at my shirt collar. "What's with you bumping into me like that?! Clumsy idiot!" She growled low. "I should friggin' kick your ass for this! As if I was having enough of a bad day as it was!" She threw me off to the side and stood. "Shit, don't you DARE mess with me again! You'll regret it!"

With that, she turned and ran out the school's main doors. I could only sit there are stare. Who the hell was that girl? There were no chicks like that at Shinobi High! The only girl who even resembled that was Konan, but even she had more class than that…THING. She was a COMPLETE psycho!

The principal walked out of her office and sighed. "Damn, I lost her again. That girl really needs to control her temper."

I looked up at Tsunade, the principal. Pfft. Like SHE was one to talk.

Tsunade looked down at me. "You okay, Hidan?" she asked, offering her hand. I took it and stood. "Tayuya didn't hurt you, did she?"

I shook my head. "No, but I think I'm experiencing a form of shell shock."

Tsunade nodded. "As expected from an encounter with Tayuya." She bent down and gathered the papers up. "Oh good, these are those lesson plans from Asuma I wanted." She flipped through a few more of the papers until she came upon something interesting. "Oh," she gasped, "Tayuya forgot her music sheets."

I perked up. "Music sheets?"

"Yeah. Would you return them to her, Hidan? I don't think she'll listen to me."

"Like hell I'm going to look for that crazy bitch!"

"I had a feeling you'd say that. Oh well, would you just hang onto them in case you do see her again? Then you can just give them back to her without getting into another fight."

I must have been in a decent mood, because I took the music without another word, stuffing the sheets into my backpack. Tsunade smiled as I left school. Damn. That woman was probably just trying to get me to do this so she wouldn't have more paperwork to deal with.

I walked out to the parking lot and found my black and red bike waiting for me. I smiled at the thought of getting on and going home, but something stopped me from doing so. I still have no idea why this suddenly came to mind, but I opened my backpack and looked at the music sheets. The instrument meant for the music was printed in bold letters at the top.

"So this Tayuya chick's a flute player."