A/N: Hello everyone. This was written for XxKayTayxX, who wanted a one-shot centered around Snape's unrequited love for Lily Evans (Ha! I made the time limit! Take THAT!). I think she requests too many one-shots from me... :P
This probably takes place a couple weeks into Harry's first year at Hogwarts. I think his 'hate' for Harry is a lot stronger then. There's a lot of takes on Snape's relationship with Harry, so I'm not really confident with this. Kind of angsty, I've never written any angst in my life before, so I hope you enjoy it and tell me how I did! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series in any way, shape, or form.
.:Take It Back:.
Severus Snape saw so much of Lily Evans in Harry Potter.
His eyes, to start. Severus remembered Lily's eyes the same way they were on Harry. Almond-shaped, eager, open, and wide. Always curious about everything and anything. They even had that same sparkle in them, the one that twinkled with magical surroundings, drinking in the aura of this new world. It didn't even seem possible that they were the same shade, but unbelievably, they were.
And, for that, Severus Snape hated Harry Potter.
For having Lily's eyes so unjustly. He had done nothing to deserve them, but he received them so immediately and innocently. Severus was jealous of Harry Potter, the way he was unconditionally loved by someone who Sev himself had tried years and years to get to return his feelings, and then to have anything they ever had crumble down over a period of time.
Sure, there was always that special connection that ran between a mother and her child. Severus understood it, but he had never known how deep it was. Lily had given her life for that arrogant child in front of the Dark Lord, that little baby that had not done anything in return for Lily but breathe.
Severus easily would've given his life for Lily, but only because she deserved to live so much more, while little Harry Potter did not.
Snape had picked Harry out immediately that fateful day he was said to start Hogwarts. Dumbledore had told Severus that Harry resembled his father quite a bit, but Severus tried to ignore the fact. He first looked for a dark red-haired child, and, when he only found a Weasley and some other unimportant first years with bright red hair, seethed in anger. At that moment, Severus knew Dumbledore wasn't lying. Oh, no, not one bit.
Because Harry was a little James Potter clone, and it wasn't hard at all to find that eleven-year old boy in the crowd.
Harry was a little on the tall side, just like his father. He had messy jet-black hair, just like his father. The air around him seemed to excite everyone, just like his father. When Harry finally met his eyes, Severus couldn't help but scowl deeply.
Because Harry had Lily's eyes on a body that was undoubtedly a James Potter replica.
Even though all the other teachers loved Harry, Snape couldn't get past the fact that he was tainted. Tainted by James Potter. Lily's sweet, loving personality was passed onto a boy who contained qualities of another individual that wasn't Severus.
And, that first moment when Snape spotted Harry, he knew. He just knew that Harry had James Potter's personality, especially if his looks were just an indication. That arrogant 'I'm better than everyone else' persona, the Quidditch-loving male, that lopsided grin that could send a million hearts fluttering.
Snape knew he would hate Harry Potter long before he even had him in class.
But Severus couldn't really hate Harry. He was, after all, Lily's son, and selling Lily's soul to the Dark Lord had been the worst mistake he'd ever made in his miserable life. If there was one way to save anything of Lily Evans – he positively refused to call her a Potter – then he would take it, no questions asked.
Of course, Severus thought back to that day when he called Lily a Mudblood dozens of times. It was the deciding factor in their relationship, the hand that pushed the knife on the teetering edge. Lily had refused to talk to him after that, and they grew apart, much to Lily's delight and Severus's horror.
If he could, would he take it back? Would he take back everything he said? Would he take back joining the Death Eaters? Would he take back telling the prophecy to the Dark Lord and having her die for Harry?
Of course he would. Nothing mattered more than Lily Evans to Severus Snape.
She was his love, the bane of his existence. He would undoubtedly fantasize about having their long black-haired and emerald eyed – always Lily's eyes – children learn magic, go to Hogwarts, and graduate as wizards and witches. In this little fantasy, him and Lily would always be perfect together, she being Lily Evans-Snape and returning Sev's feelings, and they'd live happily ever after, Dark Lord or not.
Of course, the only one way that would have worked out was if Lily Evans somehow had joined the Death Eaters along with Sev back then. But she was too kind-hearted for that, too gentle, a misfortune Severus definitely wouldn't wish on Lily. Snape somehow couldn't picture her murdering anyone.
Anyone except him, of course, once he uttered that horrid word in fifth year. All of those fantasies shattered like rocks to a mirror. There was no hope for a future together after that.
Severus refused to believe that he changed his life with Lily by saying that. The word, Snape believed, changed his life, and therefore, he promised never to tolerate it ever again.
He wouldn't lie: it hurt to look straight into Harry's eyes. A thousand daggers stabbed into his chest each time he did. Severus would see them morph into certain emotions of Lily's – when she was laughing, when she was angry and livid, when she was close to breaking down to tears. Harry's eyes looked like something that he couldn't help but feel guilty for.
Because, he would give anything to have her alive again. He would give anything to have a second chance on that one fateful day after the Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL. Hell, he would give anything to have Harry Potter to be a Harry Snape if it meant that Lily was his forever.
But he could never alter the course of history. And he desperately wished he could take it back.
Because, he couldn't hate Harry Potter.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review to tell me what you thought? :)