DISCLAIMER: none of this is mine, not even Wal-Mart (darn) characters belong to stephenie meyer i just like to play house with them, i'll put them away when i'm done!
Chapter 1: The Cullens Go To Wally-World
"Bella? What's going on?" Edward was referring to the fact that I was sitting at my decrepit computer hunched over laughing hysterically. I tried to take deep breathes the calm myself down enough to answer him. When the laughter was turned down to a giggle, I turned to explain.
He was sitting on my bed, smiling my favorite crooked smile, which made my heart stutter. Once my heartbeat returned to normal─as normal as it could ever be around him─I explained, "I was just checking my e-mail and I got a really funny one from Angela. It's '15 Things To Do At Walmart'." Another giggle slipped out just thinking about it.
Suddenly, I got a great idea. I turned back to the e-mail and pressed "print". When the printer finally spit the paper out I grabbed it and started walking toward the door, motioning for Edward to follow. He gave me a confused look, but followed.
He didn't say anything until we were in the Volvo pulling out of my driveway. "So, do you mind telling me where we're going or do I have to guess?" he asked.
"We are going to your house so we can get Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie," I answered. I decided not to tell him my plan until we got to his house so I could watch him squirm a little, trying to figure out what was going on in my head.
"And why are we doing this?" he wondered, just like I knew he would.
"You'll find out when we get there."
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Because I want to wait until I can tell everyone at the same time." I looked over at him to see if he was getting frustrated yet. He was always so beautiful when he was frustrated. To my surprise his face was calm and smooth, but in his eyes there was a small hint of frustration that he couldn't hide. I smiled to myself. Would I ever get used to his beauty?
He didn't say anything more until we were at his house. Edward parked the Volvo outside the mansion, not bothering to use the garage, he must of known that we wouldn't be here for long. He got out of the car and was opening the door for me in seconds. He offered me his hand and lead the way inside his house. Alice had obviously 'seen' what I was planning and told the others, they were all waiting for us and began asking questions as soon as we entered.
"Okay Bella, what's your big plan for us all to have a fun, non-boring evening?" Emmett cheerfully asked.
"You didn't tell them?" I asked Alice. I thought she would have gave them a full description of our night already.
"No, I thought I would let you do that," she replied. I could see she was already excited, she was bouncing up and down, smiling hugely.
"Well," I began, "Today I was reading this e-mail, it listed 15 thing you could do at Walmart, you know, to freak other customers out, annoy the employees, or just get a good laugh. So I thought we could drive to the Walmart in Port Angeles and try some of them." I looked around the room at everyone to see their reaction. They were all smiling deviously and looked excited, even Rosalie, who hated Walmart.
"Yes!" Emmett hollered. "I've been bored all day. What are we waiting for? Let's go!" He started moving towards the door, but before he could make it out, Edward stopped him.
Edward turned around to face me. "Bella, exactly, what kinds of things are we talking about?" he asked warily.
"Um..." I muttered as I pulled out the list out of my back pocket. "15 things to do at Walmart," I began to read each. Every so often I would hear a chuckle or Emmett would laugh loudly. At one point Jasper had to send a wave of calm his way just to shut him up.
By the time we got to Port Angeles we had already decided who would do what. Edward pulled into the parking lot of the Walmart and we recapped. We decided to meet back at the car in two hours, leaving us plenty of time to pull our pranks and do whatever else we wanted. For me it was to avoid Alice and her mood for a shopping spree.
We all made our way into the store and split up, of course Edward decided he and I should stay together, so he could protect me from the 'dangers of Walmart'. First we would do my tasks, which included making a trail of tomato juice to rest rooms─I of course did not pick this, but since I was the only one that could actually happen to, I had to do it. I also had to get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting 'Go, Pikachu, go!'─I was the only one who actually understood that one. The last one I had to do involved Edward too, when a clerk asked if they could help me, I supposed to start crying and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" while Edward gave the person dirty looks and trying to comfort me.
I made my way to the food aisles, pulling Edward along with me, while he chuckled about what was to come. When we reached the tomato sauce I turned to Edward for help, "What kind do you think we should use?" I asked him.
He looked a little puzzled, "How do you presume I should know? You're the expert on food," he pointed out.
"Well," I began, "You're the expert on blood. I want to get one that resembles blood the most. If we're going to do this, I want it to look authentic." Why do this half way?
"Okay then," he leaned closer to get a good look at each one's color and texture. After a few moments of careful consideration, he finally grabbed a generic brand of sauce in chunky style.
"Are you sure?" I asked with heavy sarcasm.
"Yes, love. I am quite sure." he replied very seriously. We made our way to the restrooms. I unscrewed the lid off the tomato sauce jar and began pouring it little by little, making a trail to the women's door, while Edward 'listened' for anyone coming. Surprisingly, the sauce looked an awful lot like blood, it made my stomach churn. When I was finished I dumped the jar in a nearby trash can, while Edward examined my work.
"Nice job, love," he whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arm around my waist and began leading me away from the 'blood'. "It almost makes me thirsty," he laughed in my ear before he kissed the top of my head. He lead me towards the toy section. When we reached the bouncy balls I took three that were sitting in one of those cages in the middle of the aisle. The weird thing was, they actually resembled 'Pokemon balls'.
We walked over to a fairly crowded aisle. I made sure there were no breakables around. I threw the first ball, and caught the attention of a few girls, who had been ogling at Edward, then I threw the second ball, and the next. Finally, I yelled with as much seriousness and enthusiasm as was possible, "Go, Pikachu, go!" Everyone stared at me for a second before laughing. If my face wasn't already red from laughing, I would have blushed. Edward was laughing just as much as me. If it were possible, tears would probably be streaming down his face. He kind of reminded me of Emmett. "Did those things look fun to you?" I asked Edward when the laughter finally subsided enough to breathe, let alone talk.
"Yes, they did in fact look very enjoyable," he said, trying to ease his laughter.
"Good," I said smiling deviously at him, "It's your turn to help cause a little chaos."