I was breathless as I shaped my mouth to fit his.
His perfect lips were pressed to mine.
My heart pounded.
I choked for air.
I can smell his breath; I can feel the definition of his chest against mine.
I can't believe I'm finally doing this...
For this I have waited, I have waited for so long and now it's here.
But why am I so unsure? Am I unsure about wanting this?
As I gasped he moved his tongue down my lower lip to trace it, then my jaw, across my cheek, around one of my closed eyes and down my nose. He repeated this cycle three times over as he held my back, scrunching my shirt in his fist.
Oh, you stupid girl! Of course this is what you want; this is what you have always wanted.
He crushed me to his perfect body. With his other hand he massaged my calf, which, he had moments before pulled up to rest on his hip.
As we lay on the luxurious king sized bed, I could feel that I was ready. In the few moments that I was able to clear my head, I realised; right here, with the reason for my existence, on an overly priced honeymoon that my now father-in-law paid for, I knew that I was ready.
He kissed me again with sudden edge of enthusiasm and when he again sensed that I was becoming breathless, he moved down my neck to the base of my throat. He gently rolled over, moving me onto my back and him gently holding himself so that he hovered on top of me.
"I like getting carried away," I eventually managed to, quite obviously and quite breathlessly, whisper, "and I'm glad you finally decided to join me in doing so."
I shaped my body to fit his, I rubbed my fingers repeatedly around his neck, then moving down his spine, roughly tracing his shoulder blades and tensing muscles. We rolled over to our side again.
How could I not want this? This is perfect, he is perfect, that's the only possible way to describe it, all of it; simply perfect.
My other hand first tangled itself through his hair, and then joined the other tracing. He returned to licking my lips.
"It's actually getting quite addictive, I can see, now, why you have always wanted to be irresponsible," He chuckled, "this is a good choice as one of your last human experiences."
"Why thank you, I'm glad you think so too."
Our legs intertwined, his smooth skin soothed mine. His hand that was on my calf, holding it there now moved up the back of my knee, up my thigh and hesitated. His fingers stayed there, barely touching my chilled skin. He lifted the remaining hand from my back and twisted his fingers through my hair, removing the strands from my eyes. Our lips were together now, moving together. I could sense that he was nervous, but just as eager as I was. I reached for his collar and with my hands shaking I started undoing his shirt.
What am I doing? He'll never allow this.
So I waited after only opening his shirt slightly, but he didn't object, he didn't sigh and start to push me away. I waited. Sure that he would tell me that my intensions were putting me in danger.
Huh? He might actually be letting me do this.
We might actually be doing this.
I quickly reached back to his chest and held his body close to mine; waiting. His lips left mine and drew a line with his tongue from my mouth to my ear. He pressed his cheek to mine and whispered in his simply perfect voice.
"Do it, Bella," His voice was unsteady but definite, his breath was uneven but soft, "do it and don't even consider stopping. You know how badly I want this. I want… no, I need you."
As quickly as I could, without thinking, I ripped his shirt off. I pressed my chest against his. I suddenly felt secure, as if nothing else in the world mattered or would ever matter. I wrapped his fingers in mine and lifted my sweater over my head using his hands. He returned to rubbing my thigh and holding my back. I pushed his hand further up my leg and shaped his hand to cup around my cheek. He smiled his crooked smile and started kissing my throat again, pushing harder and deeper into me with every passionate kiss. I tugged at my skirt, willing it, that just this once it would slide off easily. He rubbed my hands, calming them, and took them off my clothes and onto either side of his waist. He slowly unzipped his pants and flung them across the room with one simple flick of his wrist.
I feel so vulnerable, and yet I feel so wicked?
Am I really doing this?
We lay half naked - me in my impossible skirt, and him in his boxers – wrapped in each other. Never have I felt so close, so absorbed by someone. I stroked his perfect body, every curve, every muscle, making myself familiar. He held me in his strong, confined hold. We kissed each other, neither of us ashamed or embarrassed of our heavy breathing.
This chill, this warmth, I sang in my head, this could last forever.
I reached for his hands; he released them from my hair and my body and let me guide them to my chest. At first he seemed hesitant, resisting my pull, but then let me use his hands to massage my breasts. I let go of him and returned to rubbing my fingers against his smooth skin. He continued to feel me, not in a sly way, but with every touch of care and gentleness in his being.
"You really want to do this, don't you?"
"Yes." Was all I could manage. Then he smiled
"I'm sure you're aware of how much I do too, but I'm not doing anything without making sure this is what you want. You're sure you're ready?"
"Yes," I groaned, but far from annoyed with him, then I put on an angelic voice, "I'm as ready as will ever be. I want you inside me, so please do it already." He laughed.
"As you wish."
Suddenly, he ripped our remaining clothes off and tossed them onto the ground. He crushed me into him. He rolled over so that he was on top of me and laid his forehead on my collarbone, kissing the skin just above my cleavage. A shiver ran down my spine.
He seems to know what he's doing, I told myself. Just go with it
I felt a tingle sensation on my hip, his fingertips slowly drew lower. I felt myself become wet, I couldn't breathe, I needed air but all the muscles in my body froze. I waited. My shallow breathes filled the silence, as he too stopped.
Then, with such force, he pushed himself into me, deeper and deeper. I gasped for air, making a slight moaning sound. He held me tightly so I couldn't move, my chest thumped up and down as I took two deep breathes. He released slightly, and then half a second later he was inside me again. He moved with such force that no one would call him gentle; the pressure made me edge backwards as he started again. He moved into me, further with each thrust. I refused to think. My throat made gurgling noises that couldn't escape my mouth. I tilted my head backwards and grabbed at his shoulders, ripping at his back. He didn't stop, he moved in and out of me. His breathing was heavy; his face was pressed against my breasts. Then he looked up at me smiling. He deeply inhaled but didn't let go. He pushed again and again. He pushed the wind out of my lungs; he pushed my body into the soft mattress. He wouldn't stop, he wouldn't let go.
He continued to drive, drive deeper. Drive further.
I whined, I whimpered under his strength. I didn't know what I was doing.
I found myself moving with him, onto him. We wouldn't stop and I didn't want him to.
He realised, then, what I wanted. He pushed, much further than he had before. I gasped, my chest nearly exploded. I screamed. I screamed with every part of my being, I scratched his back over, but he did it again. He forced himself into me just like he had before. I continued groaning, I didn't know where these sounds were coming from.
What is this feeling?
I want him; I want him more than I ever have.
He slowed. He removed himself from me gently. He took a few deep breaths and started to relax his tense body.
His hands cupped around my face and he locked his eyes with mine.
"I know I shouldn't be with you, but I love you, Edward." I breathed.
"I love you, too, Mrs. Bella Black."