It Wasn't a Lie -- Exactly Print 75 0 0 It Wasn't a Lie -- Exactly

By: Blue

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just enjoy getting inside of their heads from time to time.

Feedback: Pretty please… Feed me, feed me!!!

This story takes place immediately after Trance is abducted and interrogated in the episode "Pitiless as the Sun". It's got spoilers…

It Wasn't a Lie -- Exactly

I wish Rev was here. For once in my life, I actually want to talk about my past. It's strange, really. When that mean man, Professor Logich, wanted to know about my past, I did my best not to talk about it too much. Talking about my past too much always makes my head hurt, so, when people ask, I say a little and then change the subject.

But I guess this time that a little bit was just too much, because, the next thing I know, the Professor was asking me about my culture's "acceptance and cultivation of violence"! I guess it's just as well that the drugs put me to sleep then.

Of course, the reprieve was temporary. When I woke up, stuck like that, with all those nasty tubes going into my skin, I knew that I was going to have to tell him something. But what? What was I supposed to say?

Which is how I ended up saying what I said. It was Harper who gave me the idea, really. Not directly, of course. He knows better than calling me something like that, or even suggesting it, but I still kind of got the idea from him. He once told me about this ancient human proverb "A lie is most convincingly hidden between two truths." Makes sense to this purple girl.

Professor Logich knew that my species hadn't evolved naturally, so I told him that we were created. It wasn't a lie -- exactly. Anyway, Rev says that we're all created by the Divine. Then I told him that no one knew the truth about my real nature, not even my shipmates, and that I didn't speak of it because I was ashamed. Again, it wasn't a lie -- exactly.

I don't know where "sex-slave" came from, exactly. Maybe I've been hanging out with Harper for too long after all. I know it would have amused him no end to hear me say that, and I was thinking of him just then. I told the Professor that we were designed to bring pleasure to the universe. Okay, so that was a lie, but it would have made Beka, or Tyr, or Harper laugh, and laughter brings pleasure. So I guess that wasn't a lie either -- exactly.

"Hey, Trance. Still bummed out over those jerks kidnapping you?"

Trance looked up at Harper with a sad little smile. "Maybe just a little."

Harper sat down next to her. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked tentatively.

Trance rested her head against his shoulder, enjoying the contact. "No, not really, Harper." She gave him one of her gentle, sympathetic smiles.

Harper stared at her for a moment, then draped his arm across her shoulders. "It was a lot worse than you told Dylan, wasn't it?"

Trace gave a little shrug. Her reply was gentle. Harper almost failed to hear it. "Yeah. It was."

Harper sighed and, with his other hand, gave her knee a soft squeeze. "Look, Trance… If you don't want to talk about it, I understand." He hesitated. "But if there's anything else Seamus Zelansky Harper can do to help, you just say the word."

"Which word?" Trance asked with a confused expression.

Harper shook his head. "Let me rephrase that. Other than talking, is there anything else I can do to help?"

Trance snuggled a little closer. "Just… sit with me for a while."

"You got it, my purple princess." Harper took the opportunity to pull Trance into a real embrace. Holding her close, he gently rocked her, hoping that it was enough.

I'm glad Rev's not here. Talking about my past would be bad. They wouldn't understand and they wouldn't like me anymore. I'd lose them. I'd lose Harper. As much as I'd love for them -- for him -- to know me as I really am and to accept me for it, I know better. That can't happen. Not yet.

So, when I say that I don't like to talk about my past, it's not a lie -- exactly.