Alone Time

I'm honestly not sure what exactly woke me up from my deep sleep; I can't say it was the suddenly empty bed, because when my bleary golden eyes had blinked awake, and I felt for the familiar presence that was normally beside me, all I felt were cold sheets, which meant that my twin had been missing for at least a few minutes, if not longer. And it wasn't the light that was on in the bathroom, because I honestly didn't even notice it until I rolled over and happened to notice the little strip of luminescence that slipped across the floor under the door. No sound woke me either, because there was no sound really to be heard – at least, not from where I laid, still slightly disoriented and confused, on the bed.

"Kaoru …?" I asked quietly into the night; my voice was hoarse from sleep, and so it cracked lightly when I whispered, so only half of the name managed to get past my slightly chapped lips. Blinking at the bathroom door again that was connected to our room, I shrugged a shoulder – he had probably just gotten up to use the bathroom or something. Nevermind that it was strange for either one of us to not sleep through the night; normally we both went to sleep at the same time, and we both woke up at the same time in the morning, and the exceptions to this rule were few and far between. Absently, I ran a hand through my slightly messy hair and rolled back over again, settling back down into the blankets with a sigh; no matter – I'd be back to sleep soon, I knew; faster if Kaoru came to bed before I'd managed to drift off. Neither of us were used to sleeping alone, and so, it was difficult to fall asleep when there was no warm body laying next to mine. Not that I couldn't do it; just that it was a bit hard, was all.

In fact, I was almost back asleep, quite truthfully, when suddenly I heard a sound – it was a soft sound, pretty muffled, in fact, but I knew it was Kaoru's voice as soon as I heard it, and my eyes were open in an instant. Had he hurt himself or something? Was he in the bathroom patching it up …? After a few moments debate, another soft noise met my ears, and I pulled the blanket away from myself, hissing quietly as the cold night air bit at my skin; it was that time of year, when you went to bed it was warm, so there wasn't any need to wear much more than boxers to bed, but if you got up at the wrong time of night, it was freezing, especially when you'd been underneath a good deal of blankets and had previously had someone else in bed with you. I ignored the cold of the air though, and my feet twitched a little against the cold floor, but I ignored that as well; I wanted to know what was going on. I was used to knowing everything about Kaoru – we were twins; it came with the job description, or something. I almost always knew what he was thinking or doing, and likewise it was reciprocated. There were very few times I didn't know what was going on with my three minute younger brother, and those were times that more often than not I didn't enjoy. I didn't like not knowing things, especially when it came to Kaoru; he was, after all, half of my world. Because our world was comprised of two things – him and me. And everything else was foreign, unwanted, and unimportant, as far as we were concerned.

Slightly slowly, (alright, so cut me some slack, it was cold) I made my way to the bathroom door, and started to open it, just a little bit, so that my eyes could adjust to the lighting slowly, so I didn't go blind; and, I was about to call out his name again, a little bit more loudly than I had the first time I had said it, to get his attention, when the air caught in my lungs and I wasn't able to make any noise – not even a choked little gasp, which is what it would have changed to, had I been given the opportunity to make a sound at all.

It didn't look as if Kaoru was in pain at all; he was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, in full view of the door, boxers down around his ankles, one hand between his lips to stifle any noise he might make, and the other hand down between his legs, stroking himself. And all I could do was stare. It looked like he had been at it for a while; his toned, lean body, a mirror image of my own, flushed and glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. Familiar gold eyes were dark and half lidded from what I could see through the crack I'd made in the door, cheeks red as firm, white teeth bit into the skin of his fingers as he tried to keep himself quiet. Every now and again, a very soft noise would escape around his hand, and that, I identified as the noise that I had heard before.

Swallowing, I realized only minutes later that I was still watching; in fact, that I had at some point quietly dropped to my knees to make it easier to see, and was leaning closer to the door. Oh god; this was bad – this was wrong; I shouldn't be watching my brother do this. I tried to reason with my mind. It reasoned right back that we did things together all the time that included us being naked; it was never awkward between us, since we were brothers, and our bodies looked exactly the same – showering, for instance; sometimes we still did that together. Sometimes we even both slept completely in the buff, on hot summer nights, after locking the door to make sure none of the maids came in in the morning and were scarred be seeing a little too much of their young masters' skin. But this was something private; something that someone did when they were alone – which was probably why he was doing this now, while he thought I was asleep. Because, it's not like we're ever alone; we're always with each other – so what's the harm in looking? That voice in the back of his head asked in an almost innocent tone of voice. You're never alone – never want to be alone, so if he knew that you could see him, he probably wouldn't mind. You do everything else together, after all. I knew that this wasn't the case; that that logic shouldn't make sense, and that I should get up right then and get back into bed and pretend I hadn't seen any of this, wake up the next morning and everything would be the same as it had always been.

So why can't I move?

Kaoru started to rock his hips harder, and I could do nothing but stare on and lick my lips slightly, reflexively, suddenly becoming aware that my mouth was a little dry. I swallowed softly as I watched my younger brother's head tilt back slightly, and he slid his fingers away from his lips, that hand, now unoccupied, trailing down to tweak one of his nipples. Slightly sweaty hair clung to Kaoru's face sensually as he panted, open-mouthed, leaning back slightly so that he was nearly falling into the bathtub. He was speeding up now; and still, I could do nothing but watch in near shock and awe at my mirror image as Kaoru whimpered softly, gritting his teeth and clenching his eyes shut.

His release came soon, and still I stared in nearly shocked fascination as the milky white liquid splashed onto my younger twin's abdomen and got on the bathtub, though making no more mess than that, and Kaoru, spent, went lax against the tub, panting. And then, I was up in a flash, diving silently back into bed and pulling the blankets up over my head; I could feel the hot blush creeping up my face, and I curled up slightly, trying to remember the position I had been in when I had woken up so that I could get back into it, so that Kaoru wouldn't expect anything.

The sound of the water in the bathtub met my ears a few moments later, briefly, before it was turned off – and a minute or so later Kaoru came back into the room, the flick of the light switch the only sound that echoed off the walls of the room. The sound seemed almost deafening to me as I listened to Kaoru walk quietly back to bed, evening out my breathing as best I could and laying there with my eyes closed, feigning sleep. I doubted very much he even looked at me as he slid back into bed, curling up next to me like he always did. Like everything was completely normal. Like nothing had changed.

But something had changed.

Or maybe I had just become aware of it now; maybe it had always been this way, and I was just too stupid to realize it without it being blatantly thrown into my face. But, that didn't change the fact that now, things were different. I don't know how they're going to be different, or what exactly has changed, or how that will affect us – Kaoru and I – but … I had heard it clear as day; when Kaoru came, he had whimpered out a name. A single, familiar name, that had completely frozen me, so I just stared at my younger brother for as long as I did before I bolted back to our bed. One name that had just completely and utterly changed everything