I never liked horror movies because I have a weak heart, but that never stopped me from being curious about what their plots are. After all, reading them won't be any scarier than seeing them.

Anyway, murder stories about the Smashers getting trapped in a mansion and getting killed off one by one seem to be very common in this SSB section. You can basically find over 50 of them and all are basically clones of each other. I never read through them, but rather skimmed through them just to see how similar they are.

As you know, these stories all tend to be very clichéd, and since I tend to avoid clichés, I'm going to do the same with this story. In fact, this story doesn't even deserved to be in the horror genre at all; it's pretty much going to be a humorous story just for laughs. Therefore, you do not have to take this story seriously. I came up with this in a matter of minutes, so it probably won't be very grand or something.

By the way, this story is not canon, so it has no relation to my other stories at all.



Chapter 1: The Hitchhiker

It was a full moon night on the desert streets of Texas, and we see a van driving across the street. Aboard the van are the five protagonist Smashers of the story—Captain Falcon, Wario, Samus, Luigi, and ROB.

"It's getting late," Samus said. "Maybe we should find a place and rest for the night."

"You though it as good as mine," CF told her. "But we can't find any hotels to stay for the night."

"There's got to be some here. You can't expect the government to not build any hotels for people out here to stay for the night?"

"Even if they built one, you can't expect to find one everywhere you go," Luigi said.

"Don't worry; we still have a lot of gas," CF told them. "It's enough to take us to the next town, which I don't know how far it will take to reach."

"If we drive down this road, we should be there within three hours," ROB said.

"That doesn't sound too bad. What time is it now anyway?"

"11:37 approximately."

Wario was leaning next to the car window, looking very bored and digging his nose. He then saw someone standing on the side of the road waving to them. "There's someone there."

The van stopped next to the van, and CF stuck his head out and asked, "What is it, sir?"

The man looked rather ugly and his clothes are in rags, and he said, "Would you mind taking me to the closest town?"

"We're on our way there too! Come up and have a ride!" CF said.

"Thanks." And the man stepped into their van and took the back seat next to Luigi.

Luigi looked at the man from head and toe and thought to himself, "I don't like the look of this guy."

"Let's move out again," CF said, and he stepped on the gas pedal.

As they were driving through the road, CF chatted with the man, "So what are you doing here in the desert in late night?"

"Just taking a walk. That's all, really," the man said.

"Must be one heck of a walk, eh?"

"Yeah, you can say that."

"You must be a poor hobo," Wario commented after looking at his clothes.

"That's not a nice thing to say," Luigi said, though he was actually thinking, "I couldn't agree any better…"

"Yeah, my family isn't the richest folk in the place. We work as butchers, and job really isn't all that good like you think," the man said.

"You mean you chop up cows and pigs for living?" CF asked while keeping his eye on the road. "So how's job?"

"Business may not be splendid, but I do enjoy my job a lot. I just love the cries and squeals of those animals when you bash them in their heads and chop them into pieces!"

"I don't see how enjoyable that can be…" Luigi said, sounding disgusted.

"Every people have their own interests, I think…" Samus said.

"I even have pictures. You want to see them?" the man asked while reaching into his pocket.

Thinking that he's going to take out disgusting pictures of dead animals, Luigi wanted to say no, but then the pictures came up in front of his face. Luckily, they were normal pictures of workers posing together at the workplace. "Nice pictures…" he commented.

"By the way, I have a camera with me. You want a picture?" the man asked, taking out his camera.

"That's nice of you for asking, but I don't think it's necessary…"

"Don't be so shy. I'm sure this will leave behind a good memory for us!" Then the man snapped a picture of Luigi before he could make a face or pose or something; though Wario did give a piece sign over his head. The picture came out instantly afterwards and the man gave it to Luigi. "How is it?"

Luigi looked at the picture and said, "Not bad…"

"By the way, this isn't for free. Pay up, buddy," the man said, reaching out his hand.

"What? I thought you wanted to take a picture for fun."

"Hey, I'm in short cash here. Do you expect me to go around in life without earning some payments?"

"Unfortunately, we just ran out of money," ROB told the man.

"Yeah, Wario wasted too much on the burritos," Samus said.

"And don't tell me you didn't waste your money at the dress store!" Wario said to her.

"It can't be helped that this van we rented is pretty expensive too," CF said.

"So you don't have money, eh?" the man said, sounding disappointed. "Well…" He reached into his pocket and slowly pulled out a knife handle.

Right at this moment, CF noticed a button next to the steering wheel and said, "Hey, how come I didn't notice this button until now? I wonder what it does." And he pressed the button.

The man was about to pull out the knife and threaten them when suddenly the roof opened and the seat he was on ejected and sent him flying high into the night sky. "AAAAAYEEEEEEE!!"

"Oh, so that's what it does," CF said, looking up.

Wario, Luigi, and ROB watched the man as he landed way over the horizon, and Wario said, "That's got to hurt."

"Did I just mistreat that hitchhiker?" CF asked.

"Looks like it," Samus said.

"He is launched way too far into the distance and it also is not in the direction we are supposed to go," ROB said.

"Aye, too bad for him… I wouldn't have pressed that button if I knew what it was in the first place," CF said. "Oh well, he'll just have to find a way to solve things himself now. Let's hope he finds civilization by himself."


After a bit of driving, the van came to a fork on the road, and there is a sign on the right fork that writes 'short cut'. "Which way do we go?" CF asked.

"The map does not say anything about the shortcut," ROB said while reading the map.

"Then let's take the actual road then," CF said, and he drove towards the left path.

After a while of driving, they saw large mansion just off the road, and Luigi said, "What's a mansion doing out here in the road?"

"Who cares?" Wario said.

Suddenly, the lights on the van turned off, and CF said, "Oh no… The car lights are broken! Now we're going to have a hard time seeing things in front of us!" And then the van hit a tree.


"I knew it…"

The five Smashers stepped down from the van and CF inspected the damaged van and said, "It's really busted up from the crash. We may have to stay here overnight somehow."

"Will that mansion do?" Samus asked while pointing to the mansion, which they are actually in front of.

"That place gives me the creeps…" Luigi said while trembling a bit.

"As long as they have cozy beds, I'm happy," Wario said.

"Well, it can't be helped. Plus, staying inside that mansion will probably be safer than staying out here in the desert," CF said. "Let's go then."

And so they got their bags and headed for the mansion.

Unknown to them, someone was watching from the top floor of the mansion, and he was wearing a mask made of human skin. "Heheheh! Fresh meat tonight!" he said to himself.


It looks pretty obvious that this story is based of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now just sit and watch how I turn this into a comedy story!


Most horror movies tend to have clichés that are done to death. Here are some of the common ones:

There is always a blond girl that usually ends up dying.

Going upstairs is generally a bad idea, but someone will still go.

Taking a shortcut that is not written on the map is a bad idea, but people will still take it anyway.

Anyone who takes their clothes off is most guaranteed to die eventually.

Main characters are powerless over the killer.

The killer can always catch up even by walking.

Female characters will fall down and scream and not get up for any reason.

Cars never start at crucial times.

Colored people never survive.

People always looking for source of strange noises.

Idea of splitting up and going different paths, even though staying together is the best choice.