ShiningSugar14 and BriKyo do not condone the idea of homophobia. In fact, ShiningSugar14 is an out-and-proud bisexual. However, we needed Cloud to be a homophobe, like how BriKyo USED TO BE. So no reviews saying how we're homophobes. We're not.
Dear God, I thought, my roommate looks like a chick.
At least that's what I first assumed when I saw Zack Fair come through the door. It was his hair; I swear to God, he looked like a woman. A very tall, flat chested, woman. Then the obvious fact of, "Duh, Cloud, you go to an all-men's college," stuck in and I realized that, no, this couldn't possibly be a chick.
All that thinking happened in maybe three seconds.
"Hi, I'm Zack Fair. You're new here?" He extended his hand in greeting. I, in complete shock, took it and shook it.
Something about him seemed kinda off though. Besides the disturbingly long hair. That didn't faze me after being friends with Vincent Valentine in high school. It wasn't even the eyes, sparkly blue-violet things that stared at me. His voice, I decided, that had to be it. It was all playful, like Yuffie, only not a woman.
"Uh, I'm Cloud Strife. And, yeah, I'm new. I just transferred. From Kalm Community College. Know it?"
"Oh, you grew up in Kalm?"
"No, Nibelheim. I moved around a lot."
"Yeah, I get it. That's pretty far from me. Gongaga, y'know?" I knew it. Wondered why we were both in Junon. Probably for different reasons; I just went for the scholarship.
"So, we're roomies?" He grins at me, this Zack Fair. He's got a Cheshire cat grin that half creeps me out and shows all his white teeth. "I call the window bed!" With that, he childishly dives onto the bed and sets his belongings below him as a landing pad. Hope he didn't have anything breakable in there. Not that I really care; The whining would just be irritating.
When I set my stuff down, considerably more carefully than Zack did, he starts up talking. "So, what kind of classes are you taking?"
God… Chatterbox. "Auto-mechanics. There's a delivery service in my family, but I'm not interested."
"Ah, that's cool. I'm going into anthropom… Anthrol… Shit…" He finally slows down and says the word, moving his hand with each syllable. "An… Thro… Po… Lo… Gy. There we go."
Final decision: I think this man is on something. Speed, crack… Something.
When I go to sit on my bed that night, it falls apart. Honestly. I do not weigh that much and it just… collapsed under me. And I woke up Zack, who had been babbling until almost 11 and had just barely gone under, with the noise.
"Whuh happen'd? They're using the Sexy Beam again?"
For a second, all I can really do is look at him. "Ah, no. My bed died on me." I can practically hear the confused face. He flicked on his light then looks at me, on the bed with my butt sunk into the frame. Then the bastard started laughing.
"Don't laugh. Help me. My center of gravity is stuck quite solidly in the bed frame." So Zack, because he's distinctly NOT a dickhead (unlike Barret and Cid), helped me and surveyed the damage. Then, without a word, dove onto his knees and checked stuff out under the bed.
"Eww," he says, after about a minute. "The wood's all rotted and stuff under here. That's so gross. I think something just waved at me." Zack "waves back" to something imaginary under my bed. Then he sobers up. "Uh… Yeah… You need a bed…" He looks at his twin-sized bed. "Uhm… We… Can… Uh… Share? Maybe?" He blushes. Is he blushing? That's kinda gay… That's really gay… Like, creepy gay… Disturbingly gay… I'm assuming you understand just how gay it was.
"Nevermind, I'll take the floor," Zack says cheerfully enough (It's like, almost midnight. How is he cheerful at almost midnight?).
"Well, I don't want to kick you out of your bed."
"Forget it. I'm good with sleeping on the floor. I've slept on the floor before, it won't kill me."
"No, I'm not stealing your bed."
"You're not 'stealing my bed.' I'm giving it to you."
"No. I'm not taking it. I'll sleep on the floor."
"I can't let you do that." Zack sighs. "Which brings me back to my original suggestion of sharing it."
And that's how I've found myself with another guy's ass touching mine. Creepy.
Lets get one thing straight; I don't like gay people. It's not like I want to attack them and kill them or anything. They just creep me out. I think it's wrong for a man and a man (or a woman and a woman) to be together. So the idea of sharing a bed with something that didn't have boobs was just plain AWKWARD.
But I get through it. Because that's what tough guys like me do.
So I start thinking about my girlfriend the whole night. Which probably wasn't the greatest idea. She has the biggest you-know-whats in the world. So I wound up kinda horny… In bed with a guy. AGGGHHH!!
In class, the next day, I meet my Trigonometry teacher. His name is Weiss and he is CREEPY.
I'm sitting there, trying to balance a pen on my nose, and he comes slamming in. Most of the teachers here are dressed like business men; Suit-jackets, ties, oxfords, etc. This guy comes in wearing the usual stuff. It's just all white. Shirt, jacket, shoes, all of it. He reminds me of this really uptight guy from my high school, Rufus Shinra. They both have a white fetish.
So, anyway, he comes in, sets down his (white) briefcase and writes his name on the whiteboard. "Weiss Sable," he addresses us. "You'll get quite used to calling me Weiss. You will not address me as Mr. Sable, that's either my brother or my father, depending on whether or not Nero is yielding the title to me as well. We don't confer on this."
Someone raises their hand and he looks at them. "Yes, Mister Kasai?"
A red head in front of me stands up, his hair in a ponytail going down his back. "Uh, yeah… I just, uh, wanted to clear this up…"
A black guy next to him tugs on his sleeve. "Reno, sit down!"
"I heard a rumor on campus that… uhm… That you and your brother… Nero… Are, ah… How to put this?"
Weiss sighs, sets down the marker he was writing with, and addresses the guy. "The rumor is true, I have no problem confirming it to you, mainly because it has nothing to do with the class curriculum. It's actually none of your business but, yes, Nero and I are lovers."
The guy who asked, Reno, blushes clean up to his scalp. "Uhm… Right… Thanks, sir… I mean, Weiss…"
Oh, ew… My Trig teacher is a homo… An incestuous homo… Oh, gag…
During lunch, I was wandering aimlessly, trying not to give a damn about anything in particular, when I pick up on a voice saying my name, a very familiar voice. So I follow that particular voice.
As it turns out, the black mass of hair across a hedgerow gives away the fact that, yes, that's Zack's voice I hear. He's talking about me. Without giving much thought to my actions, something that rarely happens, I dive under a bush and listen.
"-Bed completely died on him, the poor guy." He must be on a phone or something because I can't hear what the other person says. "Yes, of course I did." Definitely a phone conversation. "Well, he's blond. You know what they say about blonds, Aeris." He started laughing. "Right, well, I've got Calculus. Uh-huh…" More response. "Okay, I love you. Kay, bye bye."
With that he saunters off to class. Damn, so he was just telling his… girlfriend? Mother? Sister?… About my bed situation. Huh…
"And what are we up to?"
As I scrabble out of the bushes, I feel the back of my shirt rip upwards towards my neck. Stupid thorn bushes. Cursing everything thorny and bushy, I find myself staring up at Reno, the guy who just had to put me off Trig for the rest of my life.
"I'm not doing anything."
"I never said you were, man." Reno grins, almost devilshly, the creep. "See you 'round." And he leaves me with a torn shirt.
So, there I am in my dorm room, going through all my stuff and who should come in but Zack. "Whoa," he says, then whistles. "What happened to your shirt?"
"I… Uhm…" Well, I was eavesdropping on you earlier and tore my shirt on a bush. Yeah, right. "I fell."
He leans against the doorway and smirks. "You fell?"
"O-Out of a tree. I fell."
"Uh… Huh…" He sighs. "Give it here."
Zack digs a sewing kit out of his desk. "Take it off and give it here. I'll patch it up for you." Sewing? That's kinda gay… Nonetheless, I remove my shirt and hand it over to him. He starts patching it up, which amazes me. I've never actually seen anyone sew. The silence starts bugging me.
I go to the basics that we used to ask guys in high school. Granted, I'm a college sophomore, but whatever. I don't know much of anything else. "So… Uh… Got a girlfriend?"
"Nope. I'm single."
That kind of weirds me out. "Not even a crush on a girl."
"Nope. I've got, like, three friends who are girls but I don't want any of them like that. It'd be gross."
"Why would it be gross?"
"Oh, no real reason. Mostly just because we've known each other since forever."
"What about you?" He grins. "Got someone special?"
"Yeah, Tifa. My girlfriend." I take out my wallet and show him the picture I've got of her.
"Oh…" His face falls. It's normal, though. Single guys don't want to be alone and Tifa's beautiful. "Yeah, man. She looks nice. I like how her hair falls." Her hair? Most guys look at her chest… Whatever, maybe he's trying not to be a pervert. Points for him.
"Uh… Are you done with my shirt yet?"
"Nope… Gawd, it's all dirty. You look like you were on your stomach, trying to spy on someone."
"I never said you were."
"That's what Reno said to me earlier."
"Reno Kasai? Yeah, he's kind of a jerk but he's cool once you get to know him."
"Are you friends with him?"
"Ehn… Kinda. We don't really talk anymore but we used to be pretty close, ya know?"
"Yeah, but I caught him cheating on me so we don't really talk."
"Cheating on… Wait, what?!"
"Are you uncomfortable with gay people, Cloud?"
"'Cause that's the reason I didn't have a roommate." Zack turns back to his sewing with a semi-sad smile. "They all thought I'd rape them in their sleep, so they got out. I've been by myself in a double dorm for almost two years now."
"Uhm… Well… I'm not uncomfortable with gays. It's just a shock. You seemed so…"
"Not all gay guys are flamers. Sure, Reno's brother is, and people mistake Uncle Weiss for one, but it's not like we all have broken wrists and lisps."
"Yeah, I guess that makes se-" Then my brain processes what he just said. "Uncle?"
"Sure. Uncle Weiss. He teaches here. Him and Uncle Nero."
Okay, screw that whole, "It's Your Choice To Be Gay," bullshit. It's gotta be hereditary.
Okay, so lets review. My Trig teacher is gay and my roommate is gay. The difference is that my roommate is less weird because my Trig teacher is in love with his brother. And I slept in the same bed as Zack last ni- HO SHIT!! HE PROBABLY TOUCHED ME WITH HIS GAY PERSON COOTIES!!
And, because my campus is SO efficient, I have to sleep in the same bed as him AGAIN.
We're totally continuing this whether we get reviews or not, but reviews make us smile. Especially flames. We laugh then give them to Axel.