Disclaimer: I OWN D.Gray-Man . Really, I do!! so from now on if somebody wants to write fanfiction you must ask for my permission and mention me because the rights are mine, MINE I tell you!!
-Didn't expect that, did you?- nerdy laugh
Real Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura. He/she is a cool person, though I envy him/her sometimes.
Chapter 1. : Hey, Baby… !
" Hey there, Moyashi-chan, watcha' doing?"
Allen, carrying some boxes, turned to look at his red head friend.
"Fine. And it's Allen. I'm helping Komui store up this stuff…only there are too many shelves and I don't know how to find number 642383599838…"
"Oh, I'll show you, I memorized all the tag numbers in the science departament's storage rooms" Lavi grins and points to his patched eye.
They both went inside a huge dark deposit room and Allen climbs up a ladder and places his cargo at the place Lavi indicated. He suddently sees a transparent recipient with some weird glowing pink substance in it ...
"Hey, Lavi, check this out…!" but as Lavi turns towards him, he accidentally hits the ladder on which the younger exorcist stood with his elbow. The British boy loses his balance and falls on the floor with a loud thump.
"Allen, I'm sorry, are you alright?" he looked at the boy who looked dizzily at him and opened his mouth to assure him that he's fine:
"Are you lost, baby? Because heaven is a long fall from here !"
"Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!" Allen slapped his mouth. 'What did I just say?!'
" Oh my god, I think he's hit his head…!"
"Is that a ladder in your tights, or is it the stairway to heaven?" 'What the hell is happening to me? That's not what I want to say! WHAT AM I SAYING?!'
Allen started hitting himself while Lavi looked dumbfounded at him. But then the redhead noticed some fosforescent liquid dripping from the cursed boy's face and near him an empty bottle. He showed it to Allen and read the label aloud: "Pick-up lines Komu-potion. G.Y.S. (get you smacked) type 01..."
The silver haired boy was red with anger, hit his fist in the ground and told his companion: "You might not be the best looking around here, but beauty is only a light switch away " ( 'We're going to talk to Komui, Lavi!')
"Erm…ok…" Lavi sweatdropped "…we better go see Komui…"
On their way to the crazy supervisor's office they meet with Miranda, who greets them with a shy smile:
"Hello Allen, Lavi. How are you doing ?"
"Heya', Miranda. We're kinda' in a hurry to see Komui"
"You look like Beyonce, so let me give you an upgrade" ( 'That's right') Allen nodded in approval.
"Who is Beyonce?" Miranda asks, starting to feel paranoid.
'I have no idea, I can't control what pick-up lines I say' (A/N: This is the 19th century, so they haven't heard of her, duh! ) "Fc# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?"
'Oh shit'he mentally slaps himself. Lavi's jaw dropped. Miranda was pulling her hair and hyperventilating.
'I didn't mean to say that. No, noooo!' Allen shook his hands vehemently trying to calm the woman down, but what came out was: "I'd like to see you tonight but I hope I don't wake up with you still there in the morning !"
"Allen doesn't want to know me anymore. Waaaah! I knew I was useless, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so very soooooooory!! "
"Calm down, Miranda! Lavi tried to make her relax as he put his hand on Allen's mouth in order for him not to splurt out anymore pick-up lines "Breathe in, breath out…"
Miranda fainted and got carried away to the infirmary by some finders who were passing by that hallway.
In front of the office door, Lenalee was just about to go in when he saw and greeted the two. "Hell no! Allen don't say anything to Lenalee or there will be trouble with the sister complex monster!" he whispered and the younger exorcist nodded in agreement. The junior Bookman then gave her a toothy grin and asked:
"Is Komui in?"
"Yes, I presume he's sleeping on his desk as usual" She opened the door and her presumptions about the scientist's activity were verified" What's wrong with Allen-kun? Why isn't he saying anything?"
"There was a Pick-up line potion that fell on him so everytime he openes his mouth he says something kinky, dirty and perverted that so far didn't work on the ladies" Allen elbowed him in the ribs.
"Nii-san will fix that." she said with a cold, blank expression that reminded them of a mafia head. A chill ran up their spine. "Allen, try to say something so that I can see what's wrong"
'Y-y-yes. Scary'… "Your daddy must have been a baker because you've got a nice set of buns"
The Chinese girl turned instantly red, Lavi scatched his head distractedly and Allen was bowing in a continuous apology. But suddently the room started darkening soon as the premonition of finisterra stroke fear in the silver eyed's heart. Evil dark demon lord Komui emerged from his work-slacking slumber holding the dentist's drills of doom.
"What do you think you are doing to my precious Lenalee ?!" His glasses shone like the scythe of death as he inched closer and closer to the unfortunate boy.
"I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves!!" ( 'It's not what you think, I didn't mean to...') agitated, Allen tried to explain himself .
"You perverted bastard!! How dare you taint my Lenalee's innocent ears ?!" Lavi was laughing hard "You shure do adapt your pick-up lines to the person!"
"I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day!" ( ' I could use some help, here!') he shouted and glared at him.
Lavi, understanding the situation and deciding to save him from death by Komurin tried to explain the situation to the berserk scientist: "Err… Komui, Allen is being affected by a potion you invented…"
"Whaaat!! …but he…Leeeeenaaaaleeeee!!" After Lenalee finally kicked some sense into her brother, Komui examined the empty bottle.
"Hmmm, I see… Pick-up lines Komu-potion. G.Y.S. (gets you smacked) type 01. So this is why Allen talks like that.."
"Excuse me, but I think I dropped something…My jaw!!" ('That's what I've been trying to tell you all along!')
" It' s been a while since I last used it…" he continued.
"You mean you actually used it?!" they all exclaimed.
"Yes, we wanted to make exorcists and finders communicate easier with the average population when on missions…However it turned out most people refused to talk who those who tried it and often got smacked . That's why it is labeled as a failure" points to the G.Y.S. initials "It seemed to work on General Cross, though" Allen looked traumatized at the mention of his master's name.
"Well, nii-san, you better return Allen back to normal !" Lenalee said as she exited the room with an empty tray.
"Now how do you turn Allen back to normal?" Lavi asked Komui.
"I don't know. I forgot." The man said with an affected pouted face.
The youngest exorcist's eyes twinkled evily.
"Do you come here often? ...Your father must have been Bin Laden, cause you're the bomb!" ('What do you mean you don't know?!... Do something about it!') He shook the mad scientist by the collar.
"Aaaa…I guess I can check on my notes…I think they were over here…or maybe there…?" Komui started turning around and digging into the mountains of paper, wiping away spiderwebs and making a thick cloud of dust rise up into the air.
"Here it is!...Hmm…It doesn't say how to cure it, all of the people that used the Pick-up line potion seem to have gotten rid of it's effects by themselves somehow…"
"Strange. Maybe it will fade out in time" Lavi assured the boy and started ruffling his hair "besides, the pick-up lines are sorta funny"
"We are a perfect match because my favourite number is nine and yours is six, so let's put that into action, shall we?" Allen said in a soft, hopefull voice.
"However, it is transmitable to people…"Komui blew the dust into Allen's face and Lavi paused with his hand still in the silver hair "…within a 3 m radius around the subject if…" Allen felt a ticklish sensation "… he sneezes."
"Achooo !" the dust has taken it's toll on the boy's respiratory system.
"My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love…" ('Don't tell me…') Komui slapped his forehead.
"Hey, baby ! How'd you like to get outta' my dreams and into my lap…" ('I got infected too!') was Lavi's response to that.
" Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we are together " Allen completed.
Komui scribbled down a piece of paper showing it to the other two. "There is nothing we can do now. We will just have to wait and see, considering the fact that all the people who tried it returned to normal."
The room suddently vibrated and a loud grumble came from Allen's monster stomach. 'Guess I need to get something to eat…'
"Then I guess I'll see you two later. If something happens and you stop saying bad pick-up lines, come and tell the others", Komui continued writing "I'll try to think of a solution. In any case, restrain yourselves from sneezing when close to others!"
The two exorcists found themselves outside the office, when Bookman swiftly appeared and dragged Lavi by the collar, scolding him for not finishing his work in the library. The redhead was surprised, but tried not to say anything and neither did Allen, as he watched his comrade disappear around the dark corners or the building.
Bookman felt suspicious about the fact that his apprentice was unusually quiet, so he immediatly kicked him on the back of his head, to get a reaction.
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? Of all the women in the bar, you looked to me like the most likely to fuck a stranger." ('What was that for Gramps?! I was having a hard time abstaining myself from talking!') junior Bookman instantly jumped.
"What did you say, you idiot?" the old man was scandalized.
"I'm so religious because I know how to do missionary!...It's not the size of the boat - it's the motion of the ocean!" ('It's not my fault I said what I said! It makes me sick just saying it to you, Old Panda!')
A long session of spectacular panda pwnage took place after this…
Scarlett Rhapsody(or Anna, if you like) : What's a nice reader like you doing in a place like this? XD
So how was it? Was it good, was it boring? Reviews please! You can write me anything like "It was awesome, I couldn't stop crying on how bad it was!!" or giving some constructive criticism or an "You have no talent whatsoever. You should give up" (-then add the story and author to favourites)
Chapter 2. will be up sometime, just after I figure out how to solve the whole predicament. Kanda is my next victim and there will be hints of Yullen,just because I like the pairing!